5 ms·

>Any way you slice it, weekday time-with-kids for someone with a normal job is pretty crap. It's not crap for the kids, and that's all that's important.

intergalplan 5y ago
Right, being there at all has some value, but both the quantity and quality of actual time with them, rather than just near them but entirely distracted by other life-crap, isn't high. I'm just saying that "I mostly see them on weekends" isn't that drastic, IMO (and I suspect it was a bit of an exaggeration anyway). Weekends represent like 80-90% of the time that I'm not just badgering my kids to get stuff done so their room's clean / we aren't late / they don't look like we don't provide them real clothes / they don't entirely wreck the house / they don't get hurt. The hours during the weekday are high-friction and low-freedom because they fall around transitions. [EDIT] of course, again, having a large amount of money can enable one to buy one's way to much higher-quality weekday time with kids, that may be a factor. If you don't clean or tidy (much), if you don't have to cook to provide healthy food, if the kids have an actual nanny(!)—if any of that's true, then I'm sure the character of that time at least can be very different, if you don't instead use that extra liberty for your own non-kid purposes.
- vdqtp3 5y ago
  > badgering my kids to get stuff done so their room's clean / we aren't late / they don't look like we don't provide them real clothes / they don't entirely wreck the house / they don't get hurt AKA, parenting. Not "having fun with my kids". The quality to which you refer is based on how much you benefit from the time, not how much they do.
- panzagl 5y ago
  Children need consistency and reliability from their parents. It becomes even more apparent as they get older- they will not be able to take risks in their lives if they have been looking over their shoulders their whole lives trying to adapt to a capricious world of 'this week Mommy wants to be X, and Daddy's moving to be closer to his new girlfriend'. There is no amount of 'quality' you can add to a couple of afternoons that will replace the work done of being there day in, day out. It has nothing to do with quality of food or cleanliness of the bathroom.
hodgesrm 5y ago
It's not crap for parents, either. I read my kids stories every night before bedtime. It was one of the highlights of my day for almost two decades. We finally stalled out 100 pages from the end of Diary of Anne Frank when the last one was 13. It's not just Cat in the Hat. ;)

intergalplan 5y ago

Right, being there at all has some value, but both the quantity and quality of actual time with them, rather than just near them but entirely distracted by other life-crap, isn't high. I'm just saying that "I mostly see them on weekends" isn't that drastic, IMO (and I suspect it was a bit of an exaggeration anyway). Weekends represent like 80-90% of the time that I'm not just badgering my kids to get stuff done so their room's clean / we aren't late / they don't look like we don't provide them real clothes / they don't entirely wreck the house / they don't get hurt. The hours during the weekday are high-friction and low-freedom because they fall around transitions. [EDIT] of course, again, having a large amount of money can enable one to buy one's way to much higher-quality weekday time with kids, that may be a factor. If you don't clean or tidy (much), if you don't have to cook to provide healthy food, if the kids have an actual nanny(!)—if any of that's true, then I'm sure the character of that time at least can be very different, if you don't instead use that extra liberty for your own non-kid purposes.

vdqtp3 5y ago
> badgering my kids to get stuff done so their room's clean / we aren't late / they don't look like we don't provide them real clothes / they don't entirely wreck the house / they don't get hurt AKA, parenting. Not "having fun with my kids". The quality to which you refer is based on how much you benefit from the time, not how much they do.
panzagl 5y ago
Children need consistency and reliability from their parents. It becomes even more apparent as they get older- they will not be able to take risks in their lives if they have been looking over their shoulders their whole lives trying to adapt to a capricious world of 'this week Mommy wants to be X, and Daddy's moving to be closer to his new girlfriend'. There is no amount of 'quality' you can add to a couple of afternoons that will replace the work done of being there day in, day out. It has nothing to do with quality of food or cleanliness of the bathroom.

hodgesrm 5y ago

It's not crap for parents, either. I read my kids stories every night before bedtime. It was one of the highlights of my day for almost two decades. We finally stalled out 100 pages from the end of Diary of Anne Frank when the last one was 13. It's not just Cat in the Hat. ;)