This definitely reads as someone with low/no experience with psychedelics trying to derive some meaning from them. I was exactly the same way when I was younger

This definitely reads as someone with low/no experience with psychedelics trying to derive some meaning from them. I was exactly the same way when I was younger, trying to analyze my trips, reading about others, upping the dosage, attempting to find the meaning of life or god or whatever. Psychedelic experiences are just experiences, they can exist unanalyzed. At best you might have some self-realizations, but there is no god/collective-consciousness whatever waiting at the end of the road.