I cannot say that I did not have "what if" thoughts after my first child was born - I was questioning my ability to be a father, both mentally and physically, a

I cannot say that I did not have "what if" thoughts after my first child was born - I was questioning my ability to be a father, both mentally and physically, and this was leading to "what if" scenarios rising in my head. We had our first and second child in the foreign country with no support net you usually have when living near your family. And first birth was very difficult for my spouse, pretty much making her unable to do anything but feed our newborn for the first 6 months. This period in my life was very tough. And mostly because I discovered things about myself I would not want to discover, how weak human being I am and how much do I have to work on myself to improve. And how hard it is to improve, even a little bit. Things I learned about myself are those things that make me think that maybe it would be better if I never got married, but in the same time if I never had kids I would not realize how much work I have to put to become a better person. It's twisted situation. This is not a therapist session but sometimes I wonder about errors my parents made - but errors I could see only after having my own children.