9 ms·

I may be the malcontent, but I'm tired of being at home. I want to keep the option of being at home, but I miss the community I found at work, I miss the non-wo

I may be the malcontent, but I'm tired of being at home. I want to keep the option of being at home, but I miss the community I found at work, I miss the non-work adventures our team had, and frankly, I think the new folks joining our teams are not nearly as integrated into our family as those of that came before the pandemic. I've worked remote for a decade and the option to work remote for 2ish days a week makes life incredible, but beyond that, teams I've been a part of tend to be less cohesive.

dougmwne 5y ago
Your coworkers are not your family, unless they are literally your family business. Most people don't learn this lesson till the first layoff and they watch those warm and friendly relationships sublimate in an instant.
- aeone 5y ago
  That seems somewhat overly general and pessimistic. Some of us develop strong support relationships with our colleagues on our teams, which results in conversations and activities that happen well outside of work hours or premises, and lasting friendships that remain strong even years after they've parted ways with the company that brought us together.
  - falcolas 5y ago
    I had this happen exactly once, and that was because we were friends outside of work before we were colleagues at work. Every other place, all of my "friends" at work, even those I had outside contact with via Facebook or beers, went radio silent when I moved on. It's not pessimistic, it's reality. Exceptions that prove the rules, etc.
    - silicon2401 5y ago
      It's the grown-up version of school as a substitute for parents. In grade school, school holds your hand and ideally teaches you how to be functional in society and in groups. In college, the school holds your hand through learning to be an independent adult with freedoms and responsibilities, but shielding you from real consequences: bad grades? Probation. Drugs or alcohol? Deal with the school, not the cops. The office is just another iteration of that: can't meet people on your own? Just come to the office. Can't find meetups despite infinite facebook groups, subreddits, etc? Come to happy hour. I understand why people like the office, but it's frustrating to be forced to go into the office just because other people aren't able to have a social life without an office holding their hand through it.
      - falcolas 5y ago
        Conspiracy Theory time: Companies know this, and depend on this effect. It keeps most of their employees "loyal" to the company at an incredibly low cost, since our social instincts are doing most of the work for them.
        dougmwne 5y ago
        Management training pretty explicitly teaches you how to use your team's ego, desire for respect, need to please others, and need for acceptance and praise to push more work to be done and shape behavior.
    - bradlys 5y ago
      I think your own experience isn’t always what others is. I’ve seen lots of people make lasting friendships through meeting at work. My best friend is someone I met at work 6+ years ago. I’ve got plenty of other people I stay in touch with. Not all relationships need to be everlasting too. Sometimes work relationships are fun and the authenticity is still real. It’s just that now you’re both not working together, you can’t have the same level of a relationship. Just because things don’t progress once you’re outside the workplace doesn’t mean it’s not real. Sometimes people have different priorities.
    - nunez 5y ago
      I think it takes both parties to maintain a connection. I'm part of several Slack groups with friends and acquaintances from old jobs. We aren't as tight as we were while working together, but we aren't radio silent either.
    - askafriend 5y ago
      I've had lifelong friends come from every job I've had. I can name many people from my last 3 jobs that I would want to (and will) get a beer with after the pandemic. I don't think your experience is representative.
- czep 5y ago
  > Most people don't learn this lesson till the first layoff You hit the nail on the head. While I definitely feel for all the early-career folks out there who are genuinely missing out on the camaraderie of working together, I urge all of you not to fall into the trap of thinking that your employment relationship is anything more than mercenary. They will cut you without a moment's hesitation. Buying into the "we're a family" propaganda makes them rich and makes you dependent on them. Use the learnings of the Pandemic to redefine the future of work on your own terms. It's time we all flipped the script. We're the ones producing value, and from now on we're going to do it on OUR terms.
  - tarruda 5y ago
    > Buying into the "we're a family" propaganda makes them rich and makes you dependent on them I agree that one should not overvalue work relationships, but it doesn't seem like there's a "we're a family" propaganda/conspiracy designed to lure people in. It is just human nature to look for connections, regardless of the work environment's friendliness.
  - lnwlebjel 5y ago
    > makes you dependent on them I strongly encourage every one I know to prevent this through continuous learning, skill acquisition and savings. Take it from one who is somewhat dependent. Work toward financial independence not for the goal of 'retiring' (aka doing nothing all day) but the goal of not having to do a job you don't want to do. In my mind, that is what it means to be financially independent.
- dagw 5y ago
  We're fully aware of this. That doesn't make those relationships any less 'worthwhile' while we do have them.
  - dougmwne 5y ago
    But the relationships are largely fake, constructed out of easy chit-chat, and often quite manipulative of the politically clueless and naive. I've had worthwhile relationships at work, people who have deeply influenced me, but it's not the norm and they are not my family.
- ASalazarMX 5y ago
  Remember when your schoolmates were your best friends at the time, then you changed schools and their friendship sublimated? I guess they weren't worthy of being your friends after all.
- nunez 5y ago
  I know they're not, but drinking, eating, partying, and working with fun coworkers is fun...
- AH4oFVbPT4f8 5y ago
  Where were you when I was 35 and let go from a company I had worked at for 10 years. I was invited to coworker weddings, birthday parties, helped them move, you name it. Soon as I was let go, I never heard from them again. That really hurt for a long time.
mehlmao 5y ago
I'm glad to spend less time commuting to a "family" that let go of 20% of workers last April and to spend more time with my family.
thelastinuit 5y ago
yeah, the key word is: community. When that's great, naturally one wants it.
ASalazarMX 5y ago
Me too. I'm more productive at the office, the daily routine helps me get into "work mode". Home is my place to relax, working at home was a dissonance I never quite resolved. I think many people at my company struggled with this, even managers, because they started working at home late. We ended 2020 with our days being a mishmash of personal and work activities 16/7, it was horrible. If there was another lockdown, I believe we would manage it better, but I'm convinced remote work is not everyone's best scenario.
Graffur 5y ago
I want the option of going in to the office when I want.

dougmwne 5y ago

Your coworkers are not your family, unless they are literally your family business. Most people don't learn this lesson till the first layoff and they watch those warm and friendly relationships sublimate in an instant.

aeone 5y ago
That seems somewhat overly general and pessimistic. Some of us develop strong support relationships with our colleagues on our teams, which results in conversations and activities that happen well outside of work hours or premises, and lasting friendships that remain strong even years after they've parted ways with the company that brought us together.
- falcolas 5y ago
  I had this happen exactly once, and that was because we were friends outside of work before we were colleagues at work. Every other place, all of my "friends" at work, even those I had outside contact with via Facebook or beers, went radio silent when I moved on. It's not pessimistic, it's reality. Exceptions that prove the rules, etc.
  - silicon2401 5y ago
    It's the grown-up version of school as a substitute for parents. In grade school, school holds your hand and ideally teaches you how to be functional in society and in groups. In college, the school holds your hand through learning to be an independent adult with freedoms and responsibilities, but shielding you from real consequences: bad grades? Probation. Drugs or alcohol? Deal with the school, not the cops. The office is just another iteration of that: can't meet people on your own? Just come to the office. Can't find meetups despite infinite facebook groups, subreddits, etc? Come to happy hour. I understand why people like the office, but it's frustrating to be forced to go into the office just because other people aren't able to have a social life without an office holding their hand through it.
    - falcolas 5y ago
      Conspiracy Theory time: Companies know this, and depend on this effect. It keeps most of their employees "loyal" to the company at an incredibly low cost, since our social instincts are doing most of the work for them.
      - dougmwne 5y ago
        Management training pretty explicitly teaches you how to use your team's ego, desire for respect, need to please others, and need for acceptance and praise to push more work to be done and shape behavior.
  - bradlys 5y ago
    I think your own experience isn’t always what others is. I’ve seen lots of people make lasting friendships through meeting at work. My best friend is someone I met at work 6+ years ago. I’ve got plenty of other people I stay in touch with. Not all relationships need to be everlasting too. Sometimes work relationships are fun and the authenticity is still real. It’s just that now you’re both not working together, you can’t have the same level of a relationship. Just because things don’t progress once you’re outside the workplace doesn’t mean it’s not real. Sometimes people have different priorities.
  - nunez 5y ago
    I think it takes both parties to maintain a connection. I'm part of several Slack groups with friends and acquaintances from old jobs. We aren't as tight as we were while working together, but we aren't radio silent either.
  - askafriend 5y ago
    I've had lifelong friends come from every job I've had. I can name many people from my last 3 jobs that I would want to (and will) get a beer with after the pandemic. I don't think your experience is representative.
czep 5y ago
> Most people don't learn this lesson till the first layoff You hit the nail on the head. While I definitely feel for all the early-career folks out there who are genuinely missing out on the camaraderie of working together, I urge all of you not to fall into the trap of thinking that your employment relationship is anything more than mercenary. They will cut you without a moment's hesitation. Buying into the "we're a family" propaganda makes them rich and makes you dependent on them. Use the learnings of the Pandemic to redefine the future of work on your own terms. It's time we all flipped the script. We're the ones producing value, and from now on we're going to do it on OUR terms.
- tarruda 5y ago
  > Buying into the "we're a family" propaganda makes them rich and makes you dependent on them I agree that one should not overvalue work relationships, but it doesn't seem like there's a "we're a family" propaganda/conspiracy designed to lure people in. It is just human nature to look for connections, regardless of the work environment's friendliness.
- lnwlebjel 5y ago
  > makes you dependent on them I strongly encourage every one I know to prevent this through continuous learning, skill acquisition and savings. Take it from one who is somewhat dependent. Work toward financial independence not for the goal of 'retiring' (aka doing nothing all day) but the goal of not having to do a job you don't want to do. In my mind, that is what it means to be financially independent.
dagw 5y ago
We're fully aware of this. That doesn't make those relationships any less 'worthwhile' while we do have them.
- dougmwne 5y ago
  But the relationships are largely fake, constructed out of easy chit-chat, and often quite manipulative of the politically clueless and naive. I've had worthwhile relationships at work, people who have deeply influenced me, but it's not the norm and they are not my family.
ASalazarMX 5y ago
Remember when your schoolmates were your best friends at the time, then you changed schools and their friendship sublimated? I guess they weren't worthy of being your friends after all.
nunez 5y ago
I know they're not, but drinking, eating, partying, and working with fun coworkers is fun...
AH4oFVbPT4f8 5y ago
Where were you when I was 35 and let go from a company I had worked at for 10 years. I was invited to coworker weddings, birthday parties, helped them move, you name it. Soon as I was let go, I never heard from them again. That really hurt for a long time.

mehlmao 5y ago

I'm glad to spend less time commuting to a "family" that let go of 20% of workers last April and to spend more time with my family.

thelastinuit 5y ago

yeah, the key word is: community. When that's great, naturally one wants it.

ASalazarMX 5y ago

Me too. I'm more productive at the office, the daily routine helps me get into "work mode". Home is my place to relax, working at home was a dissonance I never quite resolved. I think many people at my company struggled with this, even managers, because they started working at home late. We ended 2020 with our days being a mishmash of personal and work activities 16/7, it was horrible. If there was another lockdown, I believe we would manage it better, but I'm convinced remote work is not everyone's best scenario.

Graffur 5y ago

I want the option of going in to the office when I want.