5 ms·

She talks like a doll lacking any kind of autonomy. It is not "we had sex", but "he had sex with me". I don't know any woman who does not want to have unprotec

by voces 5y ago

She talks like a doll lacking any kind of autonomy. It is not "we had sex", but "he had sex with me". I don't know any woman who does not want to have unprotected sex, but just let it happen like that. Then come back for seconds, even though she is not in the mood. Are there naive young women who lack self-authority and self-esteem to say no, to an older man who needs those women to get their fix and wants to make up for their unpopular youth? Yes. And that awkward dance of nature takes two to tango. Panicking and crying during or after sex does not a "rape" make (but the definition depends on jurisdiction anyway, and we haven't even let a court in the right jurisdiction look if it qualifies, so I'd like to avoid that term). Unless you want to claim openly that a named person is now a serial rapist. I'd like to think it takes more than a Medium post for you to do that.

GavinMcG 5y ago
> regardless of me saying I didn’t want to Why are you making up this story that she couldn't say no? She says she said no.
- voces 5y ago
  > Want to hook up again later? > I am not in the mood right now, no. > Are you sure? What happened after? Rape with her shutting down as a robot? Maybe she even cried during the sex, but he just would not stop? I am getting all these crazy unsavory visions, that could have been stopped had she poked her attacker's eye or broke his pinky finger or went to the police the next morning or something.
  - GavinMcG 5y ago
    This is the definition of victim-blaming. You are going to lengths to imagine a way she is at fault.
    - voces 5y ago
      I don't even think she is at fault, and I do feel for her. From what I gather she was the victim of some extremely shady and uncouth man, who did make sure he didn't do anything illegal. It is not going to lengths: just a few percent chance it was something more innocuous like that (or someone terribly regretting they did not forcefully say "no", so in their mind they said their thoughts out loud), and it would demand pause in our severe and career-ending charges of rape. This Medium post is not enough. Netto, its contribution is negative, because it welcomes one-sided speculation, and paints the entire Scala community with that same brush.
      - GavinMcG 5y ago
        If he didn't do anything illegal, then your suggestion that she poke his eyes or break his finger is entirely misplaced. You don't get to hurt people when they're not legally a threat to you. Never mind how ridiculous a suggestion that is. Do you think maybe she made the rational decision not to risk her safety or even her life by escalating a fight she likely couldn't win? That's blaming the victim. You can say you don't think she's at fault, but picking at her choices with no consideration of the situation she actually faced isn't "feeling for her."
        voces 5y ago
        > the rational decision not to risk her safety or even her life by escalating a fight she likely couldn't win The rational decision is to get the hell out of there, then call her dad or a friend. Giving in without a fight to what you consider to be rape by a Scala programmer is the poorest decision you could ever make, and I shudder to think any of my loved ones would be panicked enough to even entertain it. > the situation she was actually faced with Yes, a long chain of bad decisions to end up drunk on your own wine, in a foreign country, in the apartment of a stranger you met on the internet, making unwanted advances towards you. Please don't make it worse by staying and accepting your "fate". I don't care about illegal or not. This is my advice: If you say "No". And you repeat "NO!". And he still advances. Then he is a threat to you, and you get to hurt him badly, I'll pay the bills. If you don't want to have unprotected sex with someone, be clear about that, and make sure to hurt any penis without a condom coming close after that. If you don't want any confrontation and feel drunk or disoriented, lock yourself in the bathroom, and call someone to come deliver a pizza. Would feel better too, to act right then and there, and not crop up all that anger to release it later in a damaging story. But the named person in this story is fucked either way, so perhaps dish best served cold. I feel for her. I feel for him. I feel for you. I feel most of all for myself, for getting sucked into this.

by voces 5y ago

GavinMcG 5y ago

> regardless of me saying I didn’t want to Why are you making up this story that she couldn't say no? She says she said no.

voces 5y ago
> Want to hook up again later? > I am not in the mood right now, no. > Are you sure? What happened after? Rape with her shutting down as a robot? Maybe she even cried during the sex, but he just would not stop? I am getting all these crazy unsavory visions, that could have been stopped had she poked her attacker's eye or broke his pinky finger or went to the police the next morning or something.
- GavinMcG 5y ago
  This is the definition of victim-blaming. You are going to lengths to imagine a way she is at fault.
  - voces 5y ago
    I don't even think she is at fault, and I do feel for her. From what I gather she was the victim of some extremely shady and uncouth man, who did make sure he didn't do anything illegal. It is not going to lengths: just a few percent chance it was something more innocuous like that (or someone terribly regretting they did not forcefully say "no", so in their mind they said their thoughts out loud), and it would demand pause in our severe and career-ending charges of rape. This Medium post is not enough. Netto, its contribution is negative, because it welcomes one-sided speculation, and paints the entire Scala community with that same brush.
    - GavinMcG 5y ago
      If he didn't do anything illegal, then your suggestion that she poke his eyes or break his finger is entirely misplaced. You don't get to hurt people when they're not legally a threat to you. Never mind how ridiculous a suggestion that is. Do you think maybe she made the rational decision not to risk her safety or even her life by escalating a fight she likely couldn't win? That's blaming the victim. You can say you don't think she's at fault, but picking at her choices with no consideration of the situation she actually faced isn't "feeling for her."
      - voces 5y ago
        > the rational decision not to risk her safety or even her life by escalating a fight she likely couldn't win The rational decision is to get the hell out of there, then call her dad or a friend. Giving in without a fight to what you consider to be rape by a Scala programmer is the poorest decision you could ever make, and I shudder to think any of my loved ones would be panicked enough to even entertain it. > the situation she was actually faced with Yes, a long chain of bad decisions to end up drunk on your own wine, in a foreign country, in the apartment of a stranger you met on the internet, making unwanted advances towards you. Please don't make it worse by staying and accepting your "fate". I don't care about illegal or not. This is my advice: If you say "No". And you repeat "NO!". And he still advances. Then he is a threat to you, and you get to hurt him badly, I'll pay the bills. If you don't want to have unprotected sex with someone, be clear about that, and make sure to hurt any penis without a condom coming close after that. If you don't want any confrontation and feel drunk or disoriented, lock yourself in the bathroom, and call someone to come deliver a pizza. Would feel better too, to act right then and there, and not crop up all that anger to release it later in a damaging story. But the named person in this story is fucked either way, so perhaps dish best served cold. I feel for her. I feel for him. I feel for you. I feel most of all for myself, for getting sucked into this.