6 ms·

I stopped being able to get work done at all. It gradually tipped me into a low-self-esteem death spiral. I tried lots of different approaches to fix it: more a

I stopped being able to get work done at all. It gradually tipped me into a low-self-esteem death spiral. I tried lots of different approaches to fix it: more accountability with my manager, new medication, more regular exercise, therapy, a bit of disability leave, even moved to a bigger apartment where I could have my own office. Nothing got me past the block. I quit my job, spent six weeks studying and interviewing aggressively, and got hired for a higher-level position at a different company. I pushed back my start date enough that I'll onboard in an office instead of remotely. In the meantime I'm working on my health and personal projects, and spending lots of time with friends and in nature. I gave up trying to work remotely this time around, but I'm still hopeful that at some point I'll improve my coping skills enough that it will be an option.

tgaj 6y ago
Heh, same problem as ADHD developer. The one thing that was helping me was a custom in our company that we sit on zoom as much as possible. But, to be honest, I just got back to office as soon as it was possible in my country.
daniellarusso 6y ago
How long were you able to push your start date from when you accepted the offer? Weeks? Months?
- titanomachy 6y ago
  Months. Certain very large companies hire engineers into a general pool rather than to a specific team, so once you've passed the interviews they don't mind too much if you put off actually starting work.
agumonkey 6y ago
Strange tip, I use to do part time local delivery. It made my brain cool off (safe regular activity, simple money, low skills). In between deliveries I often wrote small bits or small feature branches. I found it a good balance. It also made me think differently because I'd favor changes that were high ROI. No large design, no syntactic change. Only solid and valuable additions. Something I never really felt before.
- titanomachy 6y ago
  Interesting. I have thought about working at a grocery store or something just to feel useful and connected, but my immigration status doesn't allow it. And honestly even though it would probably be good for me, it's hard to consider working for 1/10th of my usual wage.
flir 6y ago
If you don't mind me asking, how did you find programming on meds? I can't do it.
- PoignardAzur 6y ago
  I sometimes take modafinil before starting a day of work. So far there hasn't been a single instance where I did that and didn't get sidetracked thinking up a new software project I could start using technologies I barely understand to solve a problem I just learned about. The upside is you're a lot more focused, so you can get a lot done. The downside is it's really easy to nerd-snipe yourself, and the increased focus means it's hard to stop thinking about whatever problem caught your attention.
- chexx 6y ago
  I found meds to have enhancing effects on my code. Everything I have earned is because of it. My best guess is you are still in the phase of titration and finding the correct type of medication that works for you. Having an empathetic doctor who is willing to work with you can make that road smoother. She printed out papers from pubmed to help me better understand what I'll be taking and what to expect. It felt very nice to actually be taken seriously. I do notice that the other experiences may not truly reflect the efficacy of medication. The actual symptoms are still not well defined, not all doctors are equal, being misdiagnosed, etc. Hard truth? It's still guess and check. There are so many comorbid conditons associated with ADHD - most of the time it is just the symptom of an underlying cause. ADHD meds only work on people with ADHD :)
- heroHACK17 6y ago
  Not OP, but I have ADHD and would love to chime in here. I love programming on meds and I hate programming on meds. Meds connect the dots, but meds also over-engineer everything. Then the meds wear off and I am stuck with a huge solution and I have no idea what I just did.
  - acidbaseextract 6y ago
    I had a coworker with ADHD and I'm pretty sure he was prescribed stimulants although he was discreet about it. His patterns of focus were idiosyncratic, and occasionally he wrote code that just oozed "hopped up on addy" stylistically — particularly spurious and superfluous abstractions.
TeeMassive 6y ago
I'm in the same boat right now. Since my company insists on using an "air-gapped" development network (it basically means no internet connection, but that didn't stop the Chinese from copying our code and designs but I digress) we have to go through two different VPNs, which means remote desktop lag. Usually I don't mind for a few days, but after more than one year I just can't stand it, especially when we're we're forced to used an early 2019 version of Visual Studio, so it's reallyyy slow. I just can't stand it anymore. Sometimes I'm allowed to come back at work and it's day and night in terms of productivity. I'm getting contacted by headhunters left and right every months but I'm still reticent to leave because we're short on staff and the project I'm working on is really important for the company and I've was kinda hired to bring those things into reality as the other devs are mostly technical experts in their fields than actual developers and in addition the code is ugly. So yeah. Sucks.
- flafla2 6y ago
  > I'm getting contacted by headhunters left and right every months but I'm still reticent to leave because we're short on staff and the project I'm working on is really important for the company and I've was kinda hired to bring those things into reality as the other devs are mostly technical experts in their fields than actual developers and in addition the code is ugly. Red alert. You basically just wrote “I should quit tomorrow”.
- PoignardAzur 6y ago
  Wait, is there an ethical reason you think the project should be completed? Like, it's really going to help starving orphans or something? Because otherwise you should quit yesterday, like the others say. You don't owe them nuthin'.
  - TeeMassive 6y ago
    > Wait, is there an ethical reason you think the project should be completed? I had a higher salary than demanded because they needed me to complete the task. Sure I could quit, it's just I'd feel bad about myself. >ike, it's really going to help starving orphans or something? Because otherwise you should quit yesterday, like the others say. You don't owe them nuthin'. Can't deny the logic of that.

tgaj 6y ago

Heh, same problem as ADHD developer. The one thing that was helping me was a custom in our company that we sit on zoom as much as possible. But, to be honest, I just got back to office as soon as it was possible in my country.

daniellarusso 6y ago

How long were you able to push your start date from when you accepted the offer? Weeks? Months?

titanomachy 6y ago
Months. Certain very large companies hire engineers into a general pool rather than to a specific team, so once you've passed the interviews they don't mind too much if you put off actually starting work.

agumonkey 6y ago

Strange tip, I use to do part time local delivery. It made my brain cool off (safe regular activity, simple money, low skills). In between deliveries I often wrote small bits or small feature branches. I found it a good balance. It also made me think differently because I'd favor changes that were high ROI. No large design, no syntactic change. Only solid and valuable additions. Something I never really felt before.

titanomachy 6y ago
Interesting. I have thought about working at a grocery store or something just to feel useful and connected, but my immigration status doesn't allow it. And honestly even though it would probably be good for me, it's hard to consider working for 1/10th of my usual wage.

flir 6y ago

If you don't mind me asking, how did you find programming on meds? I can't do it.

PoignardAzur 6y ago
I sometimes take modafinil before starting a day of work. So far there hasn't been a single instance where I did that and didn't get sidetracked thinking up a new software project I could start using technologies I barely understand to solve a problem I just learned about. The upside is you're a lot more focused, so you can get a lot done. The downside is it's really easy to nerd-snipe yourself, and the increased focus means it's hard to stop thinking about whatever problem caught your attention.
chexx 6y ago
I found meds to have enhancing effects on my code. Everything I have earned is because of it. My best guess is you are still in the phase of titration and finding the correct type of medication that works for you. Having an empathetic doctor who is willing to work with you can make that road smoother. She printed out papers from pubmed to help me better understand what I'll be taking and what to expect. It felt very nice to actually be taken seriously. I do notice that the other experiences may not truly reflect the efficacy of medication. The actual symptoms are still not well defined, not all doctors are equal, being misdiagnosed, etc. Hard truth? It's still guess and check. There are so many comorbid conditons associated with ADHD - most of the time it is just the symptom of an underlying cause. ADHD meds only work on people with ADHD :)
heroHACK17 6y ago
Not OP, but I have ADHD and would love to chime in here. I love programming on meds and I hate programming on meds. Meds connect the dots, but meds also over-engineer everything. Then the meds wear off and I am stuck with a huge solution and I have no idea what I just did.
- acidbaseextract 6y ago
  I had a coworker with ADHD and I'm pretty sure he was prescribed stimulants although he was discreet about it. His patterns of focus were idiosyncratic, and occasionally he wrote code that just oozed "hopped up on addy" stylistically — particularly spurious and superfluous abstractions.

TeeMassive 6y ago

I'm in the same boat right now. Since my company insists on using an "air-gapped" development network (it basically means no internet connection, but that didn't stop the Chinese from copying our code and designs but I digress) we have to go through two different VPNs, which means remote desktop lag. Usually I don't mind for a few days, but after more than one year I just can't stand it, especially when we're we're forced to used an early 2019 version of Visual Studio, so it's reallyyy slow. I just can't stand it anymore. Sometimes I'm allowed to come back at work and it's day and night in terms of productivity. I'm getting contacted by headhunters left and right every months but I'm still reticent to leave because we're short on staff and the project I'm working on is really important for the company and I've was kinda hired to bring those things into reality as the other devs are mostly technical experts in their fields than actual developers and in addition the code is ugly. So yeah. Sucks.

flafla2 6y ago
> I'm getting contacted by headhunters left and right every months but I'm still reticent to leave because we're short on staff and the project I'm working on is really important for the company and I've was kinda hired to bring those things into reality as the other devs are mostly technical experts in their fields than actual developers and in addition the code is ugly. Red alert. You basically just wrote “I should quit tomorrow”.
PoignardAzur 6y ago
Wait, is there an ethical reason you think the project should be completed? Like, it's really going to help starving orphans or something? Because otherwise you should quit yesterday, like the others say. You don't owe them nuthin'.
- TeeMassive 6y ago
  > Wait, is there an ethical reason you think the project should be completed? I had a higher salary than demanded because they needed me to complete the task. Sure I could quit, it's just I'd feel bad about myself. >ike, it's really going to help starving orphans or something? Because otherwise you should quit yesterday, like the others say. You don't owe them nuthin'. Can't deny the logic of that.