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An important realization to have is that all of the fun events in your life, all of the dinner parties and hikes and trivia nights, all of them had to be planne

An important realization to have is that all of the fun events in your life, all of the dinner parties and hikes and trivia nights, all of them had to be planned by somebody. And at some point, you need to start planning your own events. Yes, planning events sucks. You need to corral people, sync up schedules, negotiate different likes/dislikes. But you gotta do it if you want to see people. I have friends who don't plan events and don't actively reach out. Frankly I'm a lot less close with them because to see them, I have to actively reach out and remember to invite them. Learning to meet new people is a great skill too because it means you're not stuck with friends who you don't like. I used to be friends with people who I didn't particularly like. But I was afraid to lose them because I didn't have a lot of friends. When you learn to make friends, you realize that it's not worth keeping people around whose presence you don't enjoy. You can cut them off and make new friends.

blagie 6y ago
And I get miserable at dinner parties. What I want is a platform where I can randomly chat with people who have common interests. Think Omegle, but without 95% of the userbase being teenage boys who, for some reason, think it's a good way to meet women and get laid. Think of hallways conversations at conferences. I like conferences -- including well-run virtual ones -- and I'd like to be able to drop in on them anytime. I like my coworkers, including former ones. Think of the watercooler at work. When I want to chill, I sign on, and I get connected to a random someone, but a random someone who has something interesting to talk about. I wouldn't even mind being able to designate a few people I want to hook up with, in the intellectual sense. If we happen to sign on around the same time, we'll chat. I'd build it, but I'm busy.
- monort 6y ago
  I want this too! How will this service match you with interesting people? Something like okcupid compatibility algorithm with less focus on relationship?
  - blagie 5y ago
    I don't think it's be rocket science. I'd put in my interests. I might even put in where I work, what conferences I go to, and what hobbies I have. If there were a way to do so privately, I'd love if it worked from my web browsing, Youtube, etc. history as well -- things I did recently. If I just read an awesome article about the war between Azerbaijan an Armenia we all missed among COVID19, of if I just spent a few hours playing with Webcomponents, I wouldn't mind chatting with someone who did the same. I think a service like this would quickly learn how to peer people for fruitful conversations. A key would be to keep this multidimensional; if you line up 65% with software engineers, and 55% with cricket players, you should get peered with both (or have a choice). A lot of the recommender systems seem to bucket me in just one place. I explicitly want zero focus on relationships. This should not be a dating service. The instant anything like that shows up, things go south very quickly. The standards should be the same as e.g. in your work environment.
- dublinben 6y ago
  Dinner parties aren't the only kind of gathering you can plan to socialize with people you know, they're just a common format. You can meet a friend for coffee just to talk and catch up. You could even just schedule a phone call, so you don't even have to be physically together. Many people will play online multiplayer games together to have an excuse to talk with friends.
  - blagie 5y ago
    That presumes friends and time. I have friends, but little time. My friends have little time too. The odds of us having time to schedule together at the same time are close to zero. The same thing was actually true in college too -- I went to an intense school -- but we had lounges in the dorm. When I was tired or burnt out, I'd drift into a lounge. There was usually someone else in one of the lounges. That's kinda what I want. Only virtually.
nicbou 6y ago
I find it easier to plan for myself, then invite people. Otherwise I feel like I spend my life waiting for others to make up their mind. Over time, you have different people for different activities: the athletes, the stoners, the foodies, the geeks, the gamers and so on. It becomes a lot easier to plan.
crocsarecool 6y ago
I am the planner in my friend group. I used to be like, “This thing looks cool, we should all go do it sometime.” Even if we all agree that it’s awesome, it usually gets forgotten except for the occasional, “oh yeah! We still need to do that sometime!” I have found that if I really want to get something together, adding a date and time to the mention of it makes it a million times more likely that it’ll happen. “Would anyone like to go the the fair on Saturday at x time?” We may have some back and forth about times or days, but just having something to start off of really helps get everyone into gear and thinking about their schedules. Also, I used to be really scared to invite people to do stuff. I didn’t think people would want to go out. Maybe they were saying no cos they secretly hate me. Maybe I’m bothering them by inviting them places. Just silly anxiety fears. Now, I just throw stuff out there and see what sticks.
throway98752343 6y ago
Good points. There's a difference between people accepting your invitations to do fun things and people inviting you to do fun things. My advice is don't keep score for a while but also recognize if it's remained or become one sided.

blagie 6y ago

And I get miserable at dinner parties. What I want is a platform where I can randomly chat with people who have common interests. Think Omegle, but without 95% of the userbase being teenage boys who, for some reason, think it's a good way to meet women and get laid. Think of hallways conversations at conferences. I like conferences -- including well-run virtual ones -- and I'd like to be able to drop in on them anytime. I like my coworkers, including former ones. Think of the watercooler at work. When I want to chill, I sign on, and I get connected to a random someone, but a random someone who has something interesting to talk about. I wouldn't even mind being able to designate a few people I want to hook up with, in the intellectual sense. If we happen to sign on around the same time, we'll chat. I'd build it, but I'm busy.

monort 6y ago
I want this too! How will this service match you with interesting people? Something like okcupid compatibility algorithm with less focus on relationship?
- blagie 5y ago
  I don't think it's be rocket science. I'd put in my interests. I might even put in where I work, what conferences I go to, and what hobbies I have. If there were a way to do so privately, I'd love if it worked from my web browsing, Youtube, etc. history as well -- things I did recently. If I just read an awesome article about the war between Azerbaijan an Armenia we all missed among COVID19, of if I just spent a few hours playing with Webcomponents, I wouldn't mind chatting with someone who did the same. I think a service like this would quickly learn how to peer people for fruitful conversations. A key would be to keep this multidimensional; if you line up 65% with software engineers, and 55% with cricket players, you should get peered with both (or have a choice). A lot of the recommender systems seem to bucket me in just one place. I explicitly want zero focus on relationships. This should not be a dating service. The instant anything like that shows up, things go south very quickly. The standards should be the same as e.g. in your work environment.
dublinben 6y ago
Dinner parties aren't the only kind of gathering you can plan to socialize with people you know, they're just a common format. You can meet a friend for coffee just to talk and catch up. You could even just schedule a phone call, so you don't even have to be physically together. Many people will play online multiplayer games together to have an excuse to talk with friends.
- blagie 5y ago
  That presumes friends and time. I have friends, but little time. My friends have little time too. The odds of us having time to schedule together at the same time are close to zero. The same thing was actually true in college too -- I went to an intense school -- but we had lounges in the dorm. When I was tired or burnt out, I'd drift into a lounge. There was usually someone else in one of the lounges. That's kinda what I want. Only virtually.

nicbou 6y ago

I find it easier to plan for myself, then invite people. Otherwise I feel like I spend my life waiting for others to make up their mind. Over time, you have different people for different activities: the athletes, the stoners, the foodies, the geeks, the gamers and so on. It becomes a lot easier to plan.

crocsarecool 6y ago

I am the planner in my friend group. I used to be like, “This thing looks cool, we should all go do it sometime.” Even if we all agree that it’s awesome, it usually gets forgotten except for the occasional, “oh yeah! We still need to do that sometime!” I have found that if I really want to get something together, adding a date and time to the mention of it makes it a million times more likely that it’ll happen. “Would anyone like to go the the fair on Saturday at x time?” We may have some back and forth about times or days, but just having something to start off of really helps get everyone into gear and thinking about their schedules. Also, I used to be really scared to invite people to do stuff. I didn’t think people would want to go out. Maybe they were saying no cos they secretly hate me. Maybe I’m bothering them by inviting them places. Just silly anxiety fears. Now, I just throw stuff out there and see what sticks.

throway98752343 6y ago

Good points. There's a difference between people accepting your invitations to do fun things and people inviting you to do fun things. My advice is don't keep score for a while but also recognize if it's remained or become one sided.