4 ms·

If you're wandering with a drink in your hand you have plausible deniability that you are just drinking and wandering. If you are just walking around without a

If you're wandering with a drink in your hand you have plausible deniability that you are just drinking and wandering. If you are just walking around without a drink, then you're stalking/leering. Of course it's much more nuanced than that - you can look like a lecherous creep stalking woman with a drink in your hand just as easily. But that would be the premise: With a drink you don't need anything else to have a good time, you're already "doing something". Without, you're literally trying to fill a void.

pmoriarty 6y ago
"If you're wandering with a drink in your hand you have plausible deniability that you are just drinking and wandering. If you are just walking around without a drink, then you're stalking/leering." Is this how you think of others, or do you imagine that's how they think of you? For me, whether or not someone has a drink in their hand, if they're in a party or a club or a bar they're all doing basically the same thing: wandering, listening, looking to meet and talk to people. I really don't get why holding a drink would change any of that.
- the_local_host 6y ago
  Of course everyone is actually there to meet people, but you can't look like that's what you're doing. You have to look like you're doing something else, to lower the stakes of the interactions. Everyone has to look like they're not trying.
  - pmoriarty 6y ago
    You're not fooling anyone.
    - the_local_host 6y ago
      The intent is not to fool anyone, but to provide a face-saving interpretation when socializing falls flat. You didn't stop in for a conversation that might or might not go well; you stopped in for a drink, and that worked. Having some other activity involved (having a drink or otherwise) lowers the stakes when interacting with new people.
    - deanCommie 6y ago
      That cynicism won't help you in life. Most of human interactions is a facade of some sort. Smalltalk, icebreakers, most of early dating, even most professional conversations. I know introverts and folks on the spectrum find this intolerable. But it's the foundations of human society. You can hate it, but hating it will only make you angry. Instead, treat it like a game. There are many games you can play in the world to deal with something painful or frustrating. If you're stuck trying to fall asleep, you pretend you're counting sheep jumping a fence. If you're stuck in traffic, you try to guess which lane might be moving faster and make micro optimizations to get their faster. If you're stuck looking for a life partner in a social setting, the game is act like you don't need one, that your life is fully complete without them, and that you don't care about any one specific given social interaction. Of course, the best way to play that game is to actually live that authentic life. But we all fail at hiding our emotions and true intentions in one way or another. So we play games to camouflage it like holding a drink and acting like that's all that we need to be engaged and interested.
    - EForEndeavour 6y ago
      With respect, have you been in many club-like settings yourself? It's very easy to look down upon these ridiculous unwritten and fuzzy social rules (yes, they're ridiculous) from behind a screen, but in the moment, holding that glass of carbonated water with a citrus slice in it suddenly feels a lot more natural.

pmoriarty 6y ago

"If you're wandering with a drink in your hand you have plausible deniability that you are just drinking and wandering. If you are just walking around without a drink, then you're stalking/leering." Is this how you think of others, or do you imagine that's how they think of you? For me, whether or not someone has a drink in their hand, if they're in a party or a club or a bar they're all doing basically the same thing: wandering, listening, looking to meet and talk to people. I really don't get why holding a drink would change any of that.

the_local_host 6y ago
Of course everyone is actually there to meet people, but you can't look like that's what you're doing. You have to look like you're doing something else, to lower the stakes of the interactions. Everyone has to look like they're not trying.
- pmoriarty 6y ago
  You're not fooling anyone.
  - the_local_host 6y ago
    The intent is not to fool anyone, but to provide a face-saving interpretation when socializing falls flat. You didn't stop in for a conversation that might or might not go well; you stopped in for a drink, and that worked. Having some other activity involved (having a drink or otherwise) lowers the stakes when interacting with new people.
  - deanCommie 6y ago
    That cynicism won't help you in life. Most of human interactions is a facade of some sort. Smalltalk, icebreakers, most of early dating, even most professional conversations. I know introverts and folks on the spectrum find this intolerable. But it's the foundations of human society. You can hate it, but hating it will only make you angry. Instead, treat it like a game. There are many games you can play in the world to deal with something painful or frustrating. If you're stuck trying to fall asleep, you pretend you're counting sheep jumping a fence. If you're stuck in traffic, you try to guess which lane might be moving faster and make micro optimizations to get their faster. If you're stuck looking for a life partner in a social setting, the game is act like you don't need one, that your life is fully complete without them, and that you don't care about any one specific given social interaction. Of course, the best way to play that game is to actually live that authentic life. But we all fail at hiding our emotions and true intentions in one way or another. So we play games to camouflage it like holding a drink and acting like that's all that we need to be engaged and interested.
  - EForEndeavour 6y ago
    With respect, have you been in many club-like settings yourself? It's very easy to look down upon these ridiculous unwritten and fuzzy social rules (yes, they're ridiculous) from behind a screen, but in the moment, holding that glass of carbonated water with a citrus slice in it suddenly feels a lot more natural.