3 ms·

Semi-related: I suspect a big draw of social media is that it resembles actual human communication while also conferring a lot more control to all parties. Vul

Semi-related: I suspect a big draw of social media is that it resembles actual human communication while also conferring a lot more control to all parties. Vulnerability is not required. Communication is stripped of almost all of its context, and is often asynchronous. There is little expectation of any sort of real commitment. People are easily muted, unfollowed, and blocked. In sanitizing away the messiness of real relationships, we’re left with an empty shell that puts us more in control and yet also more lonely. It would seem that we cannot simply pick and choose which aspects of relationships we want, nor can we relate to others at the scale that social media enables us to.

danenania 6y ago
I think of social media as "filler". It's similar to how empty calories trick our bodies into feeling full despite not providing any real nutrition.
- read_if_gay_ 6y ago
  Twitch is similar I find. It’s basically substitute human interaction. But I don’t think it’s all “empty calories” - it does really help against loneliness in my experience. Of course the real thing is going to be better for you, but obviously that’s not always available.
- munificent 6y ago
  Porn : Sex :: Social media : Community A fraction of the risk for an even smaller fraction of the reward.
  - ReactiveJelly 6y ago
    You can see porn as a shitty alternative to sex, or as a great visual aid to masturbating. Both are technically true. Also you can watch porn while having sex, in theory.
bhalina 6y ago
100% agree on lack of vulnerability. I am hoping that COVID-19 showed us that a social life on social media isn't a social life at all.
- mattgreenrocks 6y ago
  Vulnerability can be seen as a lack of control. And I really believe our generation is terrible at it. We say we want authenticity, but I think we want authenticity from people like ourselves. Also, social media encourages a very performative style of vulnerability: "let me write at length about a small quirk," ignoring the fact that anxiety basically runs their life to such an extent that they need Twitter as a social outlet.
sascha_sl 6y ago
> People are easily muted, unfollowed, and blocked. But also, social media creates perfect conditions for such things to become necessary. Some people are especially easy to dehumanize. People say things to me on social media they wouldn't dare say to my face with irritating regularity.
- mattgreenrocks 6y ago
  Yeah. I wouldn't advocate to remove those features due to the sheer amount of toxicity present on social media. However, their existence reinforces the issues I brought up: it's too easy to cut people out because they said something slightly wrong, they reinforce filter bubbles, and they make it easy to see relationships formed via social media as easily replaced.
  - sascha_sl 6y ago
    There's usually a lot more nuance to the "slightly wrong" aspect. Sometimes it is something minor the person just isn't well-versed in. Then the response seems to be proportional to how big their audience is; the bigger the audience the larger the transgression, the "you should really know better". But then there's also little hints at some more deep-seated issues, things where I'd also find an excuse to leave as soon as possible when I met someone like this in real life. The most common thing I see there is someone considering a group less human because of some arbitrary reason (race, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity), and I don't mean the constant unwilful ignorance fueling microaggressions (I am though one way or another affected by that, they're mostly annoying and rarely uncomfortable enough to end a conversation) but very clear disregard or even disgust for some demographic.
lisper 6y ago
Oh yes. I used to be tremendously socially awkward and insecure, and that led to a lot of loneliness. Then about 15 years ago I decided to make a concerted effort to try to understand points of view with which I vehemently disagree. So I, being an atheist, started hanging out with religious people. Today I run a meetup group dedicated to this. We have everything from atheists to young-earth creationists. We recently picked up a couple of Muslims, and next week we're getting our first Mormon. It has been tremendously rewarding because I can now get along with just about everyone (except Trump supporters -- still working on that one). I'm not saying that you should necessarily follow this particular model, but getting out of your social comfort zone, while not easy, can pay big dividends over time.

danenania 6y ago

I think of social media as "filler". It's similar to how empty calories trick our bodies into feeling full despite not providing any real nutrition.

read_if_gay_ 6y ago
Twitch is similar I find. It’s basically substitute human interaction. But I don’t think it’s all “empty calories” - it does really help against loneliness in my experience. Of course the real thing is going to be better for you, but obviously that’s not always available.
munificent 6y ago
Porn : Sex :: Social media : Community A fraction of the risk for an even smaller fraction of the reward.
- ReactiveJelly 6y ago
  You can see porn as a shitty alternative to sex, or as a great visual aid to masturbating. Both are technically true. Also you can watch porn while having sex, in theory.

bhalina 6y ago

100% agree on lack of vulnerability. I am hoping that COVID-19 showed us that a social life on social media isn't a social life at all.

mattgreenrocks 6y ago
Vulnerability can be seen as a lack of control. And I really believe our generation is terrible at it. We say we want authenticity, but I think we want authenticity from people like ourselves. Also, social media encourages a very performative style of vulnerability: "let me write at length about a small quirk," ignoring the fact that anxiety basically runs their life to such an extent that they need Twitter as a social outlet.

sascha_sl 6y ago

> People are easily muted, unfollowed, and blocked. But also, social media creates perfect conditions for such things to become necessary. Some people are especially easy to dehumanize. People say things to me on social media they wouldn't dare say to my face with irritating regularity.

mattgreenrocks 6y ago
Yeah. I wouldn't advocate to remove those features due to the sheer amount of toxicity present on social media. However, their existence reinforces the issues I brought up: it's too easy to cut people out because they said something slightly wrong, they reinforce filter bubbles, and they make it easy to see relationships formed via social media as easily replaced.
- sascha_sl 6y ago
  There's usually a lot more nuance to the "slightly wrong" aspect. Sometimes it is something minor the person just isn't well-versed in. Then the response seems to be proportional to how big their audience is; the bigger the audience the larger the transgression, the "you should really know better". But then there's also little hints at some more deep-seated issues, things where I'd also find an excuse to leave as soon as possible when I met someone like this in real life. The most common thing I see there is someone considering a group less human because of some arbitrary reason (race, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity), and I don't mean the constant unwilful ignorance fueling microaggressions (I am though one way or another affected by that, they're mostly annoying and rarely uncomfortable enough to end a conversation) but very clear disregard or even disgust for some demographic.

lisper 6y ago

Oh yes. I used to be tremendously socially awkward and insecure, and that led to a lot of loneliness. Then about 15 years ago I decided to make a concerted effort to try to understand points of view with which I vehemently disagree. So I, being an atheist, started hanging out with religious people. Today I run a meetup group dedicated to this. We have everything from atheists to young-earth creationists. We recently picked up a couple of Muslims, and next week we're getting our first Mormon. It has been tremendously rewarding because I can now get along with just about everyone (except Trump supporters -- still working on that one). I'm not saying that you should necessarily follow this particular model, but getting out of your social comfort zone, while not easy, can pay big dividends over time.