A lot of context was trimmed out of that quote: > As a woman, society brought me up to be polite — not to ‘stir the pot’— and certainly not to talk about money

A lot of context was trimmed out of that quote: > As a woman, society brought me up to be polite — not to ‘stir the pot’— and certainly not to talk about money. I’m unlikely to bring up the topic of salary with a potential boss. If I look too money-driven, I’ll likely be seen as cold and ruthless where a man might be seen as ambitious and straight-shooting (if you don’t believe me, read the ‘Howard vs Heidi’ study). While it is easy to tell people to negotiate, some people are not equipped to negotiate in that particular context since they have not been brought up to negotiate in that context. It also turns out that it is very difficult to control this upbringing. I have had conversations with mothers who want their daughters to be strong and self-reliant, yet express frustration with teachers and child care workers conveying the exact opposite message. If they have difficulty in contexts where they can express their concerns directly to the people involved, their battle is utterly hopeless when it comes to society as a whole. The "cold and ruthless" comment also illustrates that the attitudes of the party being negotiated also plays a role here. If you are walking into a negotiation where your asks are perceived as ambition, you are more likely to be seen in a positive light. If you're walking into a negotiation where your gender automatically implies that the same asks are going to be seen as ruthless, you are more likely to be seen in a negative light. Unfortunately, social expectations mean that gender will play a role in how a candidate is perceived even if they are asking for the same thing in the same way.