4 ms·

I guess it depends on the local culture. In Madrid, with a population of several millions, it's not too weird if you speak with a complete stranger, but some pe

by narag 6y ago

I guess it depends on the local culture. In Madrid, with a population of several millions, it's not too weird if you speak with a complete stranger, but some persons get startled easily. In my hometown, now 85 thousands, half of that when I was a child, it's now more unusual, but it's still very natural for you to start all kind of conversations with anyone with little excuse. Actually it's expected in many situations, like when giving a heads up, and there's no prelude or pleasantries, you just go to the point as if the other is someone you know and you've been talking for a while and now changed subject. The other wouldn't thank you either, just make some more question or joke. People from Madrid find it weird: "Did you know that guy? But he talked to you as if he knew you..."

null_object 6y ago
> I guess it depends on the local culture. This was maybe the hardest transition for me when I moved from London to Stockholm. In London, despite its size and what people often claim is its 'anonymity', there were always many opportunities every single day to have smalltalk with strangers: standing at the bus-stop, in line at the grocery store, looking at albums in a record shop. It really helped to soften the edge of being self-employed, and English people really relish these micro-interactions talking about the weather or jokily disparaging their political leaders. Coming to Stockholm, the thing that shocked me - I'd even go as far as to say traumatized me to a certain extent - was that Swedish people were completely at ease pretending that others around them were invisible. This went beyond not making smalltalk, and left a deep mark on me which has never been erased. I still find it hard to cope with the erasure that I experience every single day when people behave as though you are not there at all. A female Swedish journalist that had been a correspondent in Israel for many years and then retired back to her home in Stockholm talked about the invisibility phenomenon very eloquently in a newspaper feature which I've been unable to find online today (it was a few years ago), but she also talked about how upsetting it was, after becoming accustomed to being greeted and 'noticed' by the humans around her as a 'normal' part of her everyday experience, to suddenly disappear into nothingness. Strangest of all, is that this isn't even a Scandinavian thing: whenever I visit Norway or especially Denmark, strangers constantly try to make smalltalk in all sorts of contexts. Then I always have to apologize for not fully understanding their language (especially the Danes), and when they hear me speaking Swedish they usually give up on me instantly - Swedes being well-known for their unsociability in those parts. Sad to say, after 20 years I've also adjusted my own behavior to the Swedish norm, and usually find the approach of a sociable Dane with some nervous trepidation.
- andersco 6y ago
  I grew up in Stockholm and can definitely relate. People are super reserved, except for when drinking or traveling abroad.
- bashwizard 6y ago
  As a swede and an introvert I feel the opposite whenever I'm visiting the US or some other country where people just can't seem to leave me alone. I remember the first time I went to LA and people were walking up to me and started talking to me out of nowhere and I was like "what the hell is wrong with these people and why are they talking to me? I don't know them". I was so exhausted after two weeks that I basically stayed inside my apartment for a week when I got home to Sweden.
- Kosirich 6y ago
  Thanks for sharing. I completely agree with you that from the three, Danish, Swedish and Norwegian, I find the Swedes to be the least open for spontaneous interaction and they definitely don't smile nearly as much as Danes. I always wondered why is there such a difference between two nations that are so close...
- vijucat 6y ago
  Yes, I quite liked this about New York city, too. "Wow, look at that thing, it's about to fall". Anyone can start talking to you. I was on a business trip and having a coffee near Times Square when an American tourist just commented about a crane on a tall building nearby and then proceeded to tell me all about his life experiences, about the heat in Arizona, his war experiences, etc; It was very refreshing and "humane", for lack of a better word. It happens all the time in India, too, where I was born, but somehow, I did not expect folks in the US to be chatty. I guess I presumed they are more worried about privacy and stranger danger! Here's an analogy: imagine a neural network having to train it's neurons but without them having any connections to each other! Is such a thing even possible? Interconnections are what help us tune to (maybe even perceive) reality!
- gambiting 6y ago
  >>Coming to Stockholm, the thing that shocked me - I'd even go as far as to say traumatized me to a certain extent - was that Swedish people were completely at ease pretending that others around them were invisible. I have to be honest - that sounds lovely. I'm sorry it affected you negatively, but that sounds like gold standard of social interaction for me.

by narag 6y ago

null_object 6y ago

> I guess it depends on the local culture. This was maybe the hardest transition for me when I moved from London to Stockholm. In London, despite its size and what people often claim is its 'anonymity', there were always many opportunities every single day to have smalltalk with strangers: standing at the bus-stop, in line at the grocery store, looking at albums in a record shop. It really helped to soften the edge of being self-employed, and English people really relish these micro-interactions talking about the weather or jokily disparaging their political leaders. Coming to Stockholm, the thing that shocked me - I'd even go as far as to say traumatized me to a certain extent - was that Swedish people were completely at ease pretending that others around them were invisible. This went beyond not making smalltalk, and left a deep mark on me which has never been erased. I still find it hard to cope with the erasure that I experience every single day when people behave as though you are not there at all. A female Swedish journalist that had been a correspondent in Israel for many years and then retired back to her home in Stockholm talked about the invisibility phenomenon very eloquently in a newspaper feature which I've been unable to find online today (it was a few years ago), but she also talked about how upsetting it was, after becoming accustomed to being greeted and 'noticed' by the humans around her as a 'normal' part of her everyday experience, to suddenly disappear into nothingness. Strangest of all, is that this isn't even a Scandinavian thing: whenever I visit Norway or especially Denmark, strangers constantly try to make smalltalk in all sorts of contexts. Then I always have to apologize for not fully understanding their language (especially the Danes), and when they hear me speaking Swedish they usually give up on me instantly - Swedes being well-known for their unsociability in those parts. Sad to say, after 20 years I've also adjusted my own behavior to the Swedish norm, and usually find the approach of a sociable Dane with some nervous trepidation.

andersco 6y ago
I grew up in Stockholm and can definitely relate. People are super reserved, except for when drinking or traveling abroad.
bashwizard 6y ago
As a swede and an introvert I feel the opposite whenever I'm visiting the US or some other country where people just can't seem to leave me alone. I remember the first time I went to LA and people were walking up to me and started talking to me out of nowhere and I was like "what the hell is wrong with these people and why are they talking to me? I don't know them". I was so exhausted after two weeks that I basically stayed inside my apartment for a week when I got home to Sweden.
Kosirich 6y ago
Thanks for sharing. I completely agree with you that from the three, Danish, Swedish and Norwegian, I find the Swedes to be the least open for spontaneous interaction and they definitely don't smile nearly as much as Danes. I always wondered why is there such a difference between two nations that are so close...
vijucat 6y ago
Yes, I quite liked this about New York city, too. "Wow, look at that thing, it's about to fall". Anyone can start talking to you. I was on a business trip and having a coffee near Times Square when an American tourist just commented about a crane on a tall building nearby and then proceeded to tell me all about his life experiences, about the heat in Arizona, his war experiences, etc; It was very refreshing and "humane", for lack of a better word. It happens all the time in India, too, where I was born, but somehow, I did not expect folks in the US to be chatty. I guess I presumed they are more worried about privacy and stranger danger! Here's an analogy: imagine a neural network having to train it's neurons but without them having any connections to each other! Is such a thing even possible? Interconnections are what help us tune to (maybe even perceive) reality!
gambiting 6y ago
>>Coming to Stockholm, the thing that shocked me - I'd even go as far as to say traumatized me to a certain extent - was that Swedish people were completely at ease pretending that others around them were invisible. I have to be honest - that sounds lovely. I'm sorry it affected you negatively, but that sounds like gold standard of social interaction for me.