4 ms·

Nice story, still won’t do it. Too many assholes out there (I’ve experienced enough bullying for a lifetime), and life is too short for shallow conversations or

Nice story, still won’t do it. Too many assholes out there (I’ve experienced enough bullying for a lifetime), and life is too short for shallow conversations or even friendships with shallow people, which 9 out of 10 random encounters will be. The chance of running into someone with similar values and interests is much higher in a specialized community (such as on the internet or in academia).

ping_pong 5y ago
It sounds like you've been through some childhood trauma that you haven't gotten over. If possible, I would consider seeking therapy to try to get yourself past this anger and trauma. I think your life could be much happier if you let go of this anger. Not looking at people with such suspicion will ease your life a lot. I've found the most fascinating people are those that I share absolutely nothing in common with. I learn a lot about their lives and their views, and it's often fascinating. I met one person who is a fanatic Republican, something that I don't share, and she believes in a wide range of conspiracies. I've met people on the left that also have the same level of conspiracies coming from the other direction. Talking with people who are just like me is often boring and I find I learn a lot less that way.
- JesseMReeves 5y ago
  Ok, I took your advice. It was a trigger for a lot of unprocessed events, and this made me realize there seems to be a lot of trauma related to bullying indeed. Thanks. If you have any further suggestions, they are welcome.
- JesseMReeves 5y ago
  Thanks for your well-intended advice, but you should not label a stranger on the internet as requiring a few years of therapy for the conclusion that talking to randos on the street in a search for the needle in the haystack is likely a waste of time and emotional energy. The experience of being bullied plays a lot into me being cautious with random people, but this often served me well (e.g. when picking PIs, several people in my peer group ran right into abusive situations and ignored warnings - a lot of luck is involved already and it’s easy to slip here if you have not learned to take little warning signs seriously, or even perceive them). I’m still often trusting too quickly and have to hold myself back. Don’t you think that the time you have spent with the republican conspiracy theorist, however fascinating, could have been better spent with someone who doesn’t have strange internet-formed beliefs? There are lots of people in specialized (e.g. nerd, travel) circles who are searching for true friendship who might have more common ground. I do talk to randos if there is such an initial filter. Most educated people in society seem to prefer it this way, there is a reason why the linked story creates a sense of novelty.

ping_pong 5y ago

It sounds like you've been through some childhood trauma that you haven't gotten over. If possible, I would consider seeking therapy to try to get yourself past this anger and trauma. I think your life could be much happier if you let go of this anger. Not looking at people with such suspicion will ease your life a lot. I've found the most fascinating people are those that I share absolutely nothing in common with. I learn a lot about their lives and their views, and it's often fascinating. I met one person who is a fanatic Republican, something that I don't share, and she believes in a wide range of conspiracies. I've met people on the left that also have the same level of conspiracies coming from the other direction. Talking with people who are just like me is often boring and I find I learn a lot less that way.

JesseMReeves 5y ago
Ok, I took your advice. It was a trigger for a lot of unprocessed events, and this made me realize there seems to be a lot of trauma related to bullying indeed. Thanks. If you have any further suggestions, they are welcome.
JesseMReeves 5y ago
Thanks for your well-intended advice, but you should not label a stranger on the internet as requiring a few years of therapy for the conclusion that talking to randos on the street in a search for the needle in the haystack is likely a waste of time and emotional energy. The experience of being bullied plays a lot into me being cautious with random people, but this often served me well (e.g. when picking PIs, several people in my peer group ran right into abusive situations and ignored warnings - a lot of luck is involved already and it’s easy to slip here if you have not learned to take little warning signs seriously, or even perceive them). I’m still often trusting too quickly and have to hold myself back. Don’t you think that the time you have spent with the republican conspiracy theorist, however fascinating, could have been better spent with someone who doesn’t have strange internet-formed beliefs? There are lots of people in specialized (e.g. nerd, travel) circles who are searching for true friendship who might have more common ground. I do talk to randos if there is such an initial filter. Most educated people in society seem to prefer it this way, there is a reason why the linked story creates a sense of novelty.