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I moved for university to Toronto, Canada (from India) when I was 18. Despite having lived here for (nearly) 4 years, and loving absolutely every single minute

I moved for university to Toronto, Canada (from India) when I was 18. Despite having lived here for (nearly) 4 years, and loving absolutely every single minute of it, I don't know if and how I will ever be truly claim myself as being "from" Toronto. Everytime someone here asks me where am I from, I genuinely don't know how to answer them. Do I say I'm from India? Well, I haven't gone back once in these 5 years, and I do feel more at home here in Toronto than I would in India, so I'm not sure that's fair. So do I then say I'm from Toronto? But that feels almost like cheating - I didn't have a childhood here, I have no stories to recall from school trips, so how can I lay claim to this beautiful city? I am coming to accept that I truly belong from nowhere. That I have transient experiences that stretch from Delhi to Mumbai to Chandigarh to Toronto to Ottawa (interned there for a year). The inherent complexity of the question "where are you from?" affords it no wrong or right answers, and at least theoretically, I should not be ashamed to claim the place I resonate with the most, or claim no place at all. PS: Looking at the comments, it does feel nice to know that I am not the only one that somehow continues to seek a sense of belonging.

joefourier 5y ago
I think you're overthinking the "where are you from" question. While I do agree that moving at 18 isn't as clear-cut as say, 30+, in your case most people would safely say you're from India, having been born there and lived the majority of your years there. However, your home would now be Toronto, and you if you have Canadian citizenship no-one should bat any eyebrows at you calling yourself Canadian.
- haecceity 5y ago
  I don't think OP is overthinking it at all. Home is not just a question of place of living but a question of identity and belonging. I'm guessing integrating into society in Toronto is difficult for OP so there's weak feeling of belonging in Toronto.
  - logshipper 5y ago
    You're right in that home is also a question of identity and belonging. It's just that while I would say that I am fairly well adjusted to Toronto (heck I started playing hockey on a frozen pond this past winter), there's always going to be this "vacuum" of sorts (just from the virtue of not having had any roots here whatsoever) that keeps me from feeling like I can say I am from here. Its a question of making peace with it, is all :)
    - haecceity 5y ago
      If the issue is not having roots you can always buy some real estate :)
  - tharkun__ 5y ago
    That's mixing things up. There was no question of home, belonging or feelings. The simple simple answer to the simple question of where he's from may depend on the context asked in. Say he's in Toronto and someone asks where he is from. Simple answer: India. Let's say he's in Ottawa, say for a training course or something. Same question asked. Simple answer: I'm from India but I've been living in Toronto for 5 years. If he's doing a PR or citizenship, add that: I'm from India but live in Toronto and I'm doing my citizenship process right now. It's really not that hard and yes the guy is overthinking it if you ask me. I've been in that situation. It's really easy to answer. He may get asked more often because he's a 'visible minority' but otherwise it's the same. The question was not: where do you feel at home? or something in that direction. If he was born and raised in Toronto (say his parents came to Canada from India) then because he's a visible minority people might expect him to answer "from India" while answering "from Canada" would make it clear what his situation is. One might answer "from Canada, born and raised in Toronto but my parents came over from India in the 70s" (or some such).
ShroudedNight 5y ago
As someone who grew up in Toronto, moved to Ottawa for University, and returned to the GTA for work, the thing that makes Toronto (especially the neighbourhood where I grew up) feel like home is a combination of deep familiarity with the city, a diverse set of memories of happy times untainted by adversary danger that are geographically rooted here, a strong sense of familiarity with assistive services, and (at least memories of) a strong social network. In my case, being engaged with church was probably the most successful driver of these things. I'm in a very different place in terms of metaphysical beliefs now than I was growing up, but I can't deny the strong network effects of regularly meeting with a group of people that seek ostensibly compatible goals of self-improvement through empathy, service, and self-congratulation.
pedalpete 5y ago
I was born in Toronto, moved around a bunch as a kid, and Toronto just never felt like home. If I was going to Toronto, I'd never say "I'm going home to Toronto". I moved to Whistler, BC when I was 20, and lived there most of my life. I now live in Sydney, Australia, and when I say "I'm going home", I mean I'm going to Whistler, not Toronto. Whistler feels like home. Yet, when I say "I'm from Whistler", people always say "you were born there?" which is very rare, so I have to explain that I moved around a bunch and didn't have a place that felt like "home", which people then discount. It's very strange, but at the same time, I've read a few people suggest that you're "from" the first place you consciously decided to move from and stayed.
- partomniscient 5y ago
  I don't think its that strange. Its just a side effect of those people who are and think of themselves as "from" where they grew up or first moved to projecting their way of thinking onto others. It's easier for them to shoehorn their version of your story/situation into their mental framework than it is to adapt their mental framework to handle your story/situation. I still catch myself unecessarily projecting my way of thinking onto situations which distorts what is actually going on or loses information, just because its easier to do - not because its correct or fair. They can misunderstand you, but they don't get to decide how you define 'home' to yourself, even if they discredit you.
mandeepj 5y ago
I’ve read the comments also. I can connect - having left India in 07 for US. Can’t we have “multi-homes”? Out of all these 14 years, I’ve lived in Chicago for 10. It feels home now. When I’m here, I don’t feel like going to India, and when I’m there, I don’t feel like coming back here. So, It’s tough. When someone asks me - “where am I from?”. I say - India. Because, I do not have native US speaking skills and I also want to remain connected with my roots.
darkerside 5y ago
I'm trying to accept that "from" is an open ended term in that context. If somebody asks a question like that, they should be prepared for a conversation and maybe a story. If they get annoyed and want to boil it down to a specific question, then fuck them for trying to reductively label another person.
endgame 5y ago
Suggestion: Answer the question figuratively, not literally: "I call Toronto home", or "I call Toronto home, though I was born in India."
tayo42 5y ago
The question "where are you from" is vague. I think it always depends on the context and your current location. Like if you are living in Toronto and took a trip to the US, I think it's appropriate to answer Toronto. If your in a bar in Toronto and someone asks you that, I think it would be misleading to say your from Toronto as that would imply you grew up there. I just think of the question as a conversation starter I guess, give as little or as much info as you want to give the asker lol
ipaddr 5y ago
Where you are from is a relative question. If you are in the US you might say Canada. If you are in BC you might say Toronto or Ontario If you at the University of Guelph you might say UofT If you are in Toronto you might say India If you are in India in a different region you might say goa If you are in goa you might say your village name If you are in your village you might point to an area or your street If on your street you might give the number Where you are from is closest place that is different to the other person.
deleted 5y ago
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jwilber 5y ago
Tbh I think four year into your adult life is quite a short amount of time to start claiming you’re from there. Maybe it’s cultural, but in America/Mexico or Europe that’d come off very strange and probably be met with eye rolls. I think you’re affording far too much into the question- they probably just want to know where you were born. But do you- nothing wrong with following the beat of your own drum.
notagoodidea 5y ago
First, it is normal to question where your belong and how your multiple experience, background and culture integrated construct your identity and your feeling to belong somewhere. This somewhere can multiple and also everywhere but feeling to belong nowhere is mostly due to the peer pressure to self-identity to only one element of your identity (being your culture, your skin tone, your born country, etc.) that feels like restraining yourself as one tiny part of the multiple identities you carry and have constructed. One essential essay that really helped me and can not stop to suggest is "In the Name of Identity: Violence and the Need to Belong" by Amin Maalouf [1][2] The original title in French is "Les identités meurtrières" translated as "the murderous identities". If I may, you are belonging from everywhere that feels home in a way or the other. And the more abroad you'll be, the more home will take multiple dimensions and it's okay. When someone ask you, you can answer "India and Canada" and let's them deal with it, not you :). With my partner, we cover the ground about the identity questions : me being a second-generation son of arab's parent in an UE country, her being, like you, from a east-asian country but living abroad for 5-6 years now. The question of home, identity and where we belong is common and the answers morph based on where and how we live. For me is funny, because when I identify myself from the city I was born and raised in UE, I got question about my origins like it is the "correct answer" but if someone from that city hears me speaking, they can't doubt I am from here because I used a lot of the specific slang/dialect from there. It happened a few time ago where a old man helping my mom told that "I can hear you are from here". On the flip coin, I also speak the dialectal Arab from my parent region (albeit with a UE accent) so people speaking Arab can identify from which region/country I must come from. So most of the time, I answer both and let people ask the uncomfortable questions about their conception of identities and where I belong/from themself. But that does not mean that I have dealed with my identity myself, I am still constructing it and trying to gather the different pieces together and glue them, especially now that I am living in yet another country :) [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Name_of_Identity https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Name_of_Identity [2] https://www.amazon.com/Name-Identity-Violence-Need-Belong/dp/1611453240 https://www.amazon.com/Name-Identity-Violence-Need-Belong/dp...

joefourier 5y ago

I think you're overthinking the "where are you from" question. While I do agree that moving at 18 isn't as clear-cut as say, 30+, in your case most people would safely say you're from India, having been born there and lived the majority of your years there. However, your home would now be Toronto, and you if you have Canadian citizenship no-one should bat any eyebrows at you calling yourself Canadian.

haecceity 5y ago
I don't think OP is overthinking it at all. Home is not just a question of place of living but a question of identity and belonging. I'm guessing integrating into society in Toronto is difficult for OP so there's weak feeling of belonging in Toronto.
- logshipper 5y ago
  You're right in that home is also a question of identity and belonging. It's just that while I would say that I am fairly well adjusted to Toronto (heck I started playing hockey on a frozen pond this past winter), there's always going to be this "vacuum" of sorts (just from the virtue of not having had any roots here whatsoever) that keeps me from feeling like I can say I am from here. Its a question of making peace with it, is all :)
  - haecceity 5y ago
    If the issue is not having roots you can always buy some real estate :)
- tharkun__ 5y ago
  That's mixing things up. There was no question of home, belonging or feelings. The simple simple answer to the simple question of where he's from may depend on the context asked in. Say he's in Toronto and someone asks where he is from. Simple answer: India. Let's say he's in Ottawa, say for a training course or something. Same question asked. Simple answer: I'm from India but I've been living in Toronto for 5 years. If he's doing a PR or citizenship, add that: I'm from India but live in Toronto and I'm doing my citizenship process right now. It's really not that hard and yes the guy is overthinking it if you ask me. I've been in that situation. It's really easy to answer. He may get asked more often because he's a 'visible minority' but otherwise it's the same. The question was not: where do you feel at home? or something in that direction. If he was born and raised in Toronto (say his parents came to Canada from India) then because he's a visible minority people might expect him to answer "from India" while answering "from Canada" would make it clear what his situation is. One might answer "from Canada, born and raised in Toronto but my parents came over from India in the 70s" (or some such).

ShroudedNight 5y ago

As someone who grew up in Toronto, moved to Ottawa for University, and returned to the GTA for work, the thing that makes Toronto (especially the neighbourhood where I grew up) feel like home is a combination of deep familiarity with the city, a diverse set of memories of happy times untainted by adversary danger that are geographically rooted here, a strong sense of familiarity with assistive services, and (at least memories of) a strong social network. In my case, being engaged with church was probably the most successful driver of these things. I'm in a very different place in terms of metaphysical beliefs now than I was growing up, but I can't deny the strong network effects of regularly meeting with a group of people that seek ostensibly compatible goals of self-improvement through empathy, service, and self-congratulation.

pedalpete 5y ago

I was born in Toronto, moved around a bunch as a kid, and Toronto just never felt like home. If I was going to Toronto, I'd never say "I'm going home to Toronto". I moved to Whistler, BC when I was 20, and lived there most of my life. I now live in Sydney, Australia, and when I say "I'm going home", I mean I'm going to Whistler, not Toronto. Whistler feels like home. Yet, when I say "I'm from Whistler", people always say "you were born there?" which is very rare, so I have to explain that I moved around a bunch and didn't have a place that felt like "home", which people then discount. It's very strange, but at the same time, I've read a few people suggest that you're "from" the first place you consciously decided to move from and stayed.

partomniscient 5y ago
I don't think its that strange. Its just a side effect of those people who are and think of themselves as "from" where they grew up or first moved to projecting their way of thinking onto others. It's easier for them to shoehorn their version of your story/situation into their mental framework than it is to adapt their mental framework to handle your story/situation. I still catch myself unecessarily projecting my way of thinking onto situations which distorts what is actually going on or loses information, just because its easier to do - not because its correct or fair. They can misunderstand you, but they don't get to decide how you define 'home' to yourself, even if they discredit you.

mandeepj 5y ago

I’ve read the comments also. I can connect - having left India in 07 for US. Can’t we have “multi-homes”? Out of all these 14 years, I’ve lived in Chicago for 10. It feels home now. When I’m here, I don’t feel like going to India, and when I’m there, I don’t feel like coming back here. So, It’s tough. When someone asks me - “where am I from?”. I say - India. Because, I do not have native US speaking skills and I also want to remain connected with my roots.

darkerside 5y ago

I'm trying to accept that "from" is an open ended term in that context. If somebody asks a question like that, they should be prepared for a conversation and maybe a story. If they get annoyed and want to boil it down to a specific question, then fuck them for trying to reductively label another person.

endgame 5y ago

Suggestion: Answer the question figuratively, not literally: "I call Toronto home", or "I call Toronto home, though I was born in India."

tayo42 5y ago

The question "where are you from" is vague. I think it always depends on the context and your current location. Like if you are living in Toronto and took a trip to the US, I think it's appropriate to answer Toronto. If your in a bar in Toronto and someone asks you that, I think it would be misleading to say your from Toronto as that would imply you grew up there. I just think of the question as a conversation starter I guess, give as little or as much info as you want to give the asker lol

ipaddr 5y ago

Where you are from is a relative question. If you are in the US you might say Canada. If you are in BC you might say Toronto or Ontario If you at the University of Guelph you might say UofT If you are in Toronto you might say India If you are in India in a different region you might say goa If you are in goa you might say your village name If you are in your village you might point to an area or your street If on your street you might give the number Where you are from is closest place that is different to the other person.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

jwilber 5y ago

Tbh I think four year into your adult life is quite a short amount of time to start claiming you’re from there. Maybe it’s cultural, but in America/Mexico or Europe that’d come off very strange and probably be met with eye rolls. I think you’re affording far too much into the question- they probably just want to know where you were born. But do you- nothing wrong with following the beat of your own drum.

notagoodidea 5y ago

First, it is normal to question where your belong and how your multiple experience, background and culture integrated construct your identity and your feeling to belong somewhere. This somewhere can multiple and also everywhere but feeling to belong nowhere is mostly due to the peer pressure to self-identity to only one element of your identity (being your culture, your skin tone, your born country, etc.) that feels like restraining yourself as one tiny part of the multiple identities you carry and have constructed. One essential essay that really helped me and can not stop to suggest is "In the Name of Identity: Violence and the Need to Belong" by Amin Maalouf [1][2] The original title in French is "Les identités meurtrières" translated as "the murderous identities". If I may, you are belonging from everywhere that feels home in a way or the other. And the more abroad you'll be, the more home will take multiple dimensions and it's okay. When someone ask you, you can answer "India and Canada" and let's them deal with it, not you :). With my partner, we cover the ground about the identity questions : me being a second-generation son of arab's parent in an UE country, her being, like you, from a east-asian country but living abroad for 5-6 years now. The question of home, identity and where we belong is common and the answers morph based on where and how we live. For me is funny, because when I identify myself from the city I was born and raised in UE, I got question about my origins like it is the "correct answer" but if someone from that city hears me speaking, they can't doubt I am from here because I used a lot of the specific slang/dialect from there. It happened a few time ago where a old man helping my mom told that "I can hear you are from here". On the flip coin, I also speak the dialectal Arab from my parent region (albeit with a UE accent) so people speaking Arab can identify from which region/country I must come from. So most of the time, I answer both and let people ask the uncomfortable questions about their conception of identities and where I belong/from themself. But that does not mean that I have dealed with my identity myself, I am still constructing it and trying to gather the different pieces together and glue them, especially now that I am living in yet another country :) [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Name_of_Identity https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Name_of_Identity [2] https://www.amazon.com/Name-Identity-Violence-Need-Belong/dp/1611453240 https://www.amazon.com/Name-Identity-Violence-Need-Belong/dp...