Based on the corpus of data accumulated from our double-blind, placebo-controlled study of marginalized populations, we can extrapolate that the COVID-19 partic

Based on the corpus of data accumulated from our double-blind, placebo-controlled study of marginalized populations, we can extrapolate that the COVID-19 particle-filtering behavior of face masks has an ex vivo efficacy that can be modeled by the general equation: f_n = (n) x (f_b), where n is the number of face masks, f_b is the baseline percentage of particles filtered, and f_n is the new percentage of particles filtered. (/satire)