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> Monogamy is, more or less, a female fantasy. All women love the fact that birds mate for life. Meanwhile males fantasise about polygamy Maybe there is a kern

by Hiopl 5y ago

> Monogamy is, more or less, a female fantasy. All women love the fact that birds mate for life. Meanwhile males fantasise about polygamy Maybe there is a kernel of truth to it deep in our evolutionary/reproductive drive, but every guy I know, without exception, wants a monogamous relationship.

AndrewDucker 5y ago
As a guy, can confirm.
globular-toast 5y ago
Don't mistake mate guarding for monogamy. Mate guarding is completely compatible with polygamy and is seen in other great apes. When men say they want monogamy, what they mean is they want exclusive access to their female. That doesn't mean they don't want other females in addition. Monogamy is something males trade to get exclusivity. It doesn't mean this is what they want. If you truly believe men want monogamy then how do you explain porn? It's a huge industry and more an accepted part of life than ever. Do you think it's all being consumed by a few guys you don't know?
- Hiopl 5y ago
  No, every guy I know, including myself, consumes porn. But it's not because I or they want polygamy. I'm not even sure how you're making that connection, since that's quite the leap.
  - globular-toast 5y ago
    How is it a leap? You're literally feeding the part of your brain that wants sex with other women.
    - Hiopl 5y ago
      I'd see it as feeding a moment of sexual arousal/tension. I'd suggest that most instances of solitary porn consumption inside a relationship are due to unfulfilled sexual drive (due to temporary unavailability of their partner, or uneven levels of libido). You'll also find women with a higher libido than their partner who'll masturbate and watch porn. Obviously, it's easy to be aroused by other women (or men). Sexual desire isn't controllable in that way. But that doesn't necessarily mean that men are all actually for polygamy. That would be like saying, well, she had an orgasm while being assaulted, so she obviously wanted it. That biological, physical response is not representative of our emotional or mental state or our psychological needs/preferences.
bongoman37 5y ago
That says more about your circle of acquaintances than about guys in general. I've been around a fair number of non monogamish folks and plenty of guys are comfortable with their partners having other men and some explicitly encourage it or even find partners for them. r/Swingers and r/Cuckold and r/hotwife are huge communities.

by Hiopl 5y ago

AndrewDucker 5y ago

As a guy, can confirm.

globular-toast 5y ago

Don't mistake mate guarding for monogamy. Mate guarding is completely compatible with polygamy and is seen in other great apes. When men say they want monogamy, what they mean is they want exclusive access to their female. That doesn't mean they don't want other females in addition. Monogamy is something males trade to get exclusivity. It doesn't mean this is what they want. If you truly believe men want monogamy then how do you explain porn? It's a huge industry and more an accepted part of life than ever. Do you think it's all being consumed by a few guys you don't know?

Hiopl 5y ago
No, every guy I know, including myself, consumes porn. But it's not because I or they want polygamy. I'm not even sure how you're making that connection, since that's quite the leap.
- globular-toast 5y ago
  How is it a leap? You're literally feeding the part of your brain that wants sex with other women.
  - Hiopl 5y ago
    I'd see it as feeding a moment of sexual arousal/tension. I'd suggest that most instances of solitary porn consumption inside a relationship are due to unfulfilled sexual drive (due to temporary unavailability of their partner, or uneven levels of libido). You'll also find women with a higher libido than their partner who'll masturbate and watch porn. Obviously, it's easy to be aroused by other women (or men). Sexual desire isn't controllable in that way. But that doesn't necessarily mean that men are all actually for polygamy. That would be like saying, well, she had an orgasm while being assaulted, so she obviously wanted it. That biological, physical response is not representative of our emotional or mental state or our psychological needs/preferences.

bongoman37 5y ago

That says more about your circle of acquaintances than about guys in general. I've been around a fair number of non monogamish folks and plenty of guys are comfortable with their partners having other men and some explicitly encourage it or even find partners for them. r/Swingers and r/Cuckold and r/hotwife are huge communities.