Do they do at least two-factor authentification? Do they accept international wire transfers? Can they do online wire transfers? Is the transaction history acce

Do they do at least two-factor authentification? Do they accept international wire transfers? Can they do online wire transfers? Is the transaction history accessible from some banking software? Do they not send me spam? Can I use their credit card abroad without a hassle? Does the credit card use the chip for authentification instead of the insecure magnetic strip? Do they transfer money instantly without holding back my money for days? Do they have 24/7 and helpful customer support? Can I call them without negotiating with some computerized voice for minutes? Can I call them without suffering through several minutes of elevator music? Can I call them for free? Can I withdraw money from every/enough ATMs without paying a fee? Can I manage account details at a bank franchise other than the one where I created it? Do they have a helpful, easy to use website? Do they have employees that are more than human computer interfaces and are actually helpful? Now that would begin to sound like a bank that does not suck indeed... (Suckage assembled from several countries)