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There is something buried deeply in our minds that recoils at being treated unfairly. I have a good job, the pay is decent, the work is interesting - but I'm in

There is something buried deeply in our minds that recoils at being treated unfairly. I have a good job, the pay is decent, the work is interesting - but I'm in the process of looking for a different job because I didn't get a promotion. Some junior members on my team did get them though, and it feels unfair (I absolutely have no idea if they don't deserve it, and I like them as team mates). However, I had previously talked to my about the promotion, set the targets, and went above and beyond to meet those ambitious targets. I've introspected a bit, and I admit it's weird reaction - nothing changed about my job, except knowing my colleagues were being recognized and getting something I am not. The perverse thing is, if no one got a promotion, I wouldn't be this pissed.

ickelbawd 6y ago
Wow. I had a similar experience last Monday. A coworker I like personally, but who I consider myself more senior than, was given an important role on the team that I had been working towards and discussing with my manager. I felt this incredible, irrational anger as soon as it was announced and it stuck with me for days. I went to bed angry and woke up angry. It really surprised me how visceral and uncontrollable my reaction felt. It consumed my thoughts. I’m halfway through a four day weekend to disconnect and try to reset myself mentally because while I still think it was unfair, I can’t actively feel this way and still function well at work. Time will tell if this weekend was long enough...
- _nalply 6y ago
  I experienced the same thing more than ten years ago. My coworker and I we were even of the same CS class, and my grades were better than his and I worked two years longer than him in the company but yet he turned out to become my boss. In my case it seems to be simple to explain why. Have a look at my profile and perhaps you discover the probable cause. Now I stopped working as an employee and I look forward to never return at slaving away.
ascorbic 6y ago
There's a famous psychological experiment where people are split into pairs and given a pot of cash to share. One person decides how it should be apportioned, and the other decides whether to accept that share. If they reject it, neither person receives any money. The logical decision is to always accept the money, because a small amount is still better than nothing. However people don't do that. At a certain point, the desire to punish unfairness outweighs the desire for the money, and people will reject money in order to prevent the unfair person getting anything either.
- faeyanpiraat 6y ago
  Is there a task beforehand where participants could potentially do more/less perceived work than their pairs?
- watwut 6y ago
  On repeated version of game, it pays off to reject unequal deal. So that the other person is incentivized to offer more. So apparently, the desire to punish feeling is optimizing our behavior for repeated game. Pls, if we are competing in some sense, say socially, then it is better for you to prevent advancement of person you are competing with.
- ZephyrBlu 6y ago
  > The logical decision is to always accept the money, because a small amount is still better than nothing This is a moral decision for me, not a logical one. Someone trying to make you accept an unequal portion is 100% trying to take advantage of you. The only situation I would accept an unequal share is if the portion was significant enough for the fact that it's unequal to not matter.
  - sneak 6y ago
    Morally you are entitled to zero, so it's still a good deal to take whatever you are offered. It's not like you both did an equal amount of work. You're not being taken advantage of.
sgtnoodle 6y ago
One of the companies I worked at previously made a big deal about employee -driven performance review / promo packets every year. Everyone's title had a level like a role playing game. There was also a culture of compensation transparency among coworkers. I thought it was all quite toxic, leading to a lot of very well compensated people stressing out and complaining. At its worst, it lead to instances of passive aggression and depression across many teams. My current company encourages regular direct feedback, mostly lacks titles internally, and there's a culture of compensation opacity among coworkers. Folk don't talk about money outside topics of general interest, and managers and HR are responsible for periodically reviewing and adjusting compensation for fairness. I haven't had to worry about or discuss money professionally in years, other than to get called into a short meeting to be pleasantly surprised by an adjustment. There's no bonuses other than the occasional verbal praise I receive from appreciative coworkers and management, and I think that's worth more than incrementally more money. One time I did offer to pay out cash to any coworkers that reduced network traffic on a particularly over-utilized CAN bus, at a bounty of $0.10/Kbps. One sucker, er, respected coworker fell for it. Best $20 I ever spent!

ickelbawd 6y ago

Wow. I had a similar experience last Monday. A coworker I like personally, but who I consider myself more senior than, was given an important role on the team that I had been working towards and discussing with my manager. I felt this incredible, irrational anger as soon as it was announced and it stuck with me for days. I went to bed angry and woke up angry. It really surprised me how visceral and uncontrollable my reaction felt. It consumed my thoughts. I’m halfway through a four day weekend to disconnect and try to reset myself mentally because while I still think it was unfair, I can’t actively feel this way and still function well at work. Time will tell if this weekend was long enough...

_nalply 6y ago
I experienced the same thing more than ten years ago. My coworker and I we were even of the same CS class, and my grades were better than his and I worked two years longer than him in the company but yet he turned out to become my boss. In my case it seems to be simple to explain why. Have a look at my profile and perhaps you discover the probable cause. Now I stopped working as an employee and I look forward to never return at slaving away.

ascorbic 6y ago

There's a famous psychological experiment where people are split into pairs and given a pot of cash to share. One person decides how it should be apportioned, and the other decides whether to accept that share. If they reject it, neither person receives any money. The logical decision is to always accept the money, because a small amount is still better than nothing. However people don't do that. At a certain point, the desire to punish unfairness outweighs the desire for the money, and people will reject money in order to prevent the unfair person getting anything either.

faeyanpiraat 6y ago
Is there a task beforehand where participants could potentially do more/less perceived work than their pairs?
watwut 6y ago
On repeated version of game, it pays off to reject unequal deal. So that the other person is incentivized to offer more. So apparently, the desire to punish feeling is optimizing our behavior for repeated game. Pls, if we are competing in some sense, say socially, then it is better for you to prevent advancement of person you are competing with.
ZephyrBlu 6y ago
> The logical decision is to always accept the money, because a small amount is still better than nothing This is a moral decision for me, not a logical one. Someone trying to make you accept an unequal portion is 100% trying to take advantage of you. The only situation I would accept an unequal share is if the portion was significant enough for the fact that it's unequal to not matter.
- sneak 6y ago
  Morally you are entitled to zero, so it's still a good deal to take whatever you are offered. It's not like you both did an equal amount of work. You're not being taken advantage of.

sgtnoodle 6y ago

One of the companies I worked at previously made a big deal about employee -driven performance review / promo packets every year. Everyone's title had a level like a role playing game. There was also a culture of compensation transparency among coworkers. I thought it was all quite toxic, leading to a lot of very well compensated people stressing out and complaining. At its worst, it lead to instances of passive aggression and depression across many teams. My current company encourages regular direct feedback, mostly lacks titles internally, and there's a culture of compensation opacity among coworkers. Folk don't talk about money outside topics of general interest, and managers and HR are responsible for periodically reviewing and adjusting compensation for fairness. I haven't had to worry about or discuss money professionally in years, other than to get called into a short meeting to be pleasantly surprised by an adjustment. There's no bonuses other than the occasional verbal praise I receive from appreciative coworkers and management, and I think that's worth more than incrementally more money. One time I did offer to pay out cash to any coworkers that reduced network traffic on a particularly over-utilized CAN bus, at a bounty of $0.10/Kbps. One sucker, er, respected coworker fell for it. Best $20 I ever spent!