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The OP asked for candid feedback, and told us not to hold back. I myself added a caveat to my post to address your very concern. Is there something more that yo

The OP asked for candid feedback, and told us not to hold back. I myself added a caveat to my post to address your very concern. Is there something more that you think I should have done? (BTW I agree I'm reading a lot into his post, Sherlock Holmes style, but without confirmation one way or the other, its hard to say if I'm on target. In any event, I do not believe that the OP would share your umbrage, given his post.)

andbberger 6y ago
Yeah you should have given them advice on how to land a gig and not diagnosed them with NPD. I see where you're coming from and I agree it might be useful for OP to work on how they communicate, but that should be between them and a therapist.
- javajosh 6y ago
  There are a few assumptions that are false. For one, I am not a doctor, and this is not a diagnoses. It is explicitly an opinion based on (very) thin evidence. I agree they should see a therapist, if possible. I would not normally be so blunt, but the OP asked. But the primary false thing I want to address is the tacit assertion that "Telling someone they have NPD traits is a personal attack." I understand that assumption because, sadly, accusation of personality disorder has become a common style of personal attack. It's very similar, actually, to the classic status of "homosexuality" - once a pejoritive, now mostly just a fact. And I'm not sure if you noticed, but HN has a LOT of psychology-related content. As a group people here seem to show a lot of admirable compassion and empathy for each other's vulnerabilities. I think it's a remarkable feature of the place, and I hope you can take my words in that context. NPD is quite common in the world, in our field, and its entirely posssible to be a good person who struggles with NPD. Your protective instinct speaks well of you! But you may need to reassess whether or not I actually attacked the OP, given his request and the context of my response.

andbberger 6y ago

Yeah you should have given them advice on how to land a gig and not diagnosed them with NPD. I see where you're coming from and I agree it might be useful for OP to work on how they communicate, but that should be between them and a therapist.

javajosh 6y ago
There are a few assumptions that are false. For one, I am not a doctor, and this is not a diagnoses. It is explicitly an opinion based on (very) thin evidence. I agree they should see a therapist, if possible. I would not normally be so blunt, but the OP asked. But the primary false thing I want to address is the tacit assertion that "Telling someone they have NPD traits is a personal attack." I understand that assumption because, sadly, accusation of personality disorder has become a common style of personal attack. It's very similar, actually, to the classic status of "homosexuality" - once a pejoritive, now mostly just a fact. And I'm not sure if you noticed, but HN has a LOT of psychology-related content. As a group people here seem to show a lot of admirable compassion and empathy for each other's vulnerabilities. I think it's a remarkable feature of the place, and I hope you can take my words in that context. NPD is quite common in the world, in our field, and its entirely posssible to be a good person who struggles with NPD. Your protective instinct speaks well of you! But you may need to reassess whether or not I actually attacked the OP, given his request and the context of my response.