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>you kinda seem like you might struggle just doing exactly what you're asked to do. Bringing up how frequently you quit things for various reasons or finding is

>you kinda seem like you might struggle just doing exactly what you're asked to do. Bringing up how frequently you quit things for various reasons or finding issues and bringing them up with your superiors' superiors Yes, this is what stood out for me. OP sounds malcontented, and habitually dissatisfied with his role, and makes antisocial decisions (like spoofing numbers - which is not just dishonest but shows contempt for the target) that show poor judgement. He compounds the poor judgement by bragging about the previous poor judgement. The antisocial stuff is implicit in what he doesn't mention: from his descriptions, his workplaces are hollow boxes with some juicy targets (execs) in them and nothing else. Where are the people? There aren't any because at some level they don't exist for the OP. This is, of course, a hallmark trait of narcissism. The good news (great news, really), is that NPD is one of the most treatable of personality disorders if the person decides they want treatment. The reason? The narcissist is confident in their ability, and confidence helps when you want to shape your own behavior. The caveat to all this being that free advice is worth what you paid for it, even less if given by a stranger on the internet. But, FWIW, it's my honest take. If it ends up being accurate (if you look up the disorder) and you get help, I'd love to know if this post help you. (See, I'm a little NPD too! ;)

wildermuthn 6y ago
Fascinating take on NPD. But it’s my understanding that narcissism is actually the hardest disorder to cure, as its very nature is to be in denial that anything needs to change — it’s the rest of the world that needs to change.
- javajosh 6y ago
  >hardest disorder to cure ...if they don't want to change. That is a true statement. But, if they do want to change, it's relatively straight-forward. BTW the thing you can control is not your actions, or even your reactions, but rather your attention. The best thing a narcissist can do is learn to see themselves in others. Modulo the risk of projection (that is, ascribing too much commonality to the other), it's a nice judo move to turn a dark quality into a light one.
andbberger 6y ago
I think you're reading a lot into a very short post and that it's pretty ridiculous, not to mention extremely condescending, to suggest that OP might have NPD
- javajosh 6y ago
  The OP asked for candid feedback, and told us not to hold back. I myself added a caveat to my post to address your very concern. Is there something more that you think I should have done? (BTW I agree I'm reading a lot into his post, Sherlock Holmes style, but without confirmation one way or the other, its hard to say if I'm on target. In any event, I do not believe that the OP would share your umbrage, given his post.)
  - andbberger 6y ago
    Yeah you should have given them advice on how to land a gig and not diagnosed them with NPD. I see where you're coming from and I agree it might be useful for OP to work on how they communicate, but that should be between them and a therapist.
    - javajosh 6y ago
      There are a few assumptions that are false. For one, I am not a doctor, and this is not a diagnoses. It is explicitly an opinion based on (very) thin evidence. I agree they should see a therapist, if possible. I would not normally be so blunt, but the OP asked. But the primary false thing I want to address is the tacit assertion that "Telling someone they have NPD traits is a personal attack." I understand that assumption because, sadly, accusation of personality disorder has become a common style of personal attack. It's very similar, actually, to the classic status of "homosexuality" - once a pejoritive, now mostly just a fact. And I'm not sure if you noticed, but HN has a LOT of psychology-related content. As a group people here seem to show a lot of admirable compassion and empathy for each other's vulnerabilities. I think it's a remarkable feature of the place, and I hope you can take my words in that context. NPD is quite common in the world, in our field, and its entirely posssible to be a good person who struggles with NPD. Your protective instinct speaks well of you! But you may need to reassess whether or not I actually attacked the OP, given his request and the context of my response.
nathias 6y ago
it is speculative, but I agree

wildermuthn 6y ago

Fascinating take on NPD. But it’s my understanding that narcissism is actually the hardest disorder to cure, as its very nature is to be in denial that anything needs to change — it’s the rest of the world that needs to change.

javajosh 6y ago
>hardest disorder to cure ...if they don't want to change. That is a true statement. But, if they do want to change, it's relatively straight-forward. BTW the thing you can control is not your actions, or even your reactions, but rather your attention. The best thing a narcissist can do is learn to see themselves in others. Modulo the risk of projection (that is, ascribing too much commonality to the other), it's a nice judo move to turn a dark quality into a light one.

andbberger 6y ago

I think you're reading a lot into a very short post and that it's pretty ridiculous, not to mention extremely condescending, to suggest that OP might have NPD

javajosh 6y ago
The OP asked for candid feedback, and told us not to hold back. I myself added a caveat to my post to address your very concern. Is there something more that you think I should have done? (BTW I agree I'm reading a lot into his post, Sherlock Holmes style, but without confirmation one way or the other, its hard to say if I'm on target. In any event, I do not believe that the OP would share your umbrage, given his post.)
- andbberger 6y ago
  Yeah you should have given them advice on how to land a gig and not diagnosed them with NPD. I see where you're coming from and I agree it might be useful for OP to work on how they communicate, but that should be between them and a therapist.
  - javajosh 6y ago
    There are a few assumptions that are false. For one, I am not a doctor, and this is not a diagnoses. It is explicitly an opinion based on (very) thin evidence. I agree they should see a therapist, if possible. I would not normally be so blunt, but the OP asked. But the primary false thing I want to address is the tacit assertion that "Telling someone they have NPD traits is a personal attack." I understand that assumption because, sadly, accusation of personality disorder has become a common style of personal attack. It's very similar, actually, to the classic status of "homosexuality" - once a pejoritive, now mostly just a fact. And I'm not sure if you noticed, but HN has a LOT of psychology-related content. As a group people here seem to show a lot of admirable compassion and empathy for each other's vulnerabilities. I think it's a remarkable feature of the place, and I hope you can take my words in that context. NPD is quite common in the world, in our field, and its entirely posssible to be a good person who struggles with NPD. Your protective instinct speaks well of you! But you may need to reassess whether or not I actually attacked the OP, given his request and the context of my response.

nathias 6y ago

it is speculative, but I agree