I see articles about curing depression from time to time and I have hope but not much. I have lived most of my life as a depressed kid. The most jolting realiza

I see articles about curing depression from time to time and I have hope but not much. I have lived most of my life as a depressed kid. The most jolting realization that I had as an adult was that around sixth grade I was contemplating suicide without knowing what that word meant. Since then, life has been like a long, slow death march. If you asked most of my friends they'd likely tell you that I'm really happy, funny, quirky, and eccentric but inside I battle the demons of my own mind. I've let those demons shape my understanding of the world before and each day they don't these days is a choice. I've used cognitive behavioral therapy as a tool to do battle against them, I take daily melatonin, and I take long vacations but those things are coping mechanisms. The days I am hit with depression that wants to keep me anchored to my bed are the days I really go to war. I have to keep my mouth shut more because whatever I say on those days will almost assuredly be tainted with tinges of, I hate myself and am discontented with the world tones. I have to pressure myself to focus. When the day is over I throw myself on the couch and hope that tomorrow that veil is lifted.