I'm sorry to hear about your situation. My advice would be to stop being so explicit or official. You're probably too used to being an engineer or techie of som

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. My advice would be to stop being so explicit or official. You're probably too used to being an engineer or techie of some sort and we can get trapped in very black and white, explicit ways of thinking and speaking, forgetting that a lot of people work on implication and in a much fuzzier way. "speak with your oncologist" probably means speak to them in the right way and they can probably help. As I understand it the code is "I'm in too much pain" and they'll give you a bit too much pain medication. That's how doctors used to get around the law, the patient's care is their highest priority and that includes trying to treat unnecessary suffering as best they can. Only egregious misuse of this power would be prosecuted. That being said, you should respect your doctor's wishes too, right? They'll have to live with what they've done after you're gone. All that being said, get some counselling, seek mental help of any and every kind. I'm not trying to talk you out of things - your decisions are for you - I'm telling you to do what you should be doing anyway. Even if you get your wish to end things you should still be getting help for your mind, not just your body. All the best.