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Anything *agile related bullshit job will do, really. Scrum master, agile coach, what have you. SM certs are easy to get with minimal investment. A meeting her

Anything *agile related bullshit job will do, really. Scrum master, agile coach, what have you. SM certs are easy to get with minimal investment. A meeting here, some buzzwords there and compile the results regularly in lengthy confluence pages nobody will ever read. Automate much of it and maybe generate a graph or two to present during reviews. OP will have to organise retros, groomings, etc. Invent ever changing formats. Remind everybody to stick to the rulez, but don't do much else. Keeps people on their toes. At minimal effort. Have regular catch-ups with various people. They're essentially coffee breaks, but you pretend to be productive and maybe generate a protocol. Plus you get to suck up to all the important people. Bonus points for regularly posting obnoxious agile methodology articles on your companies intranet or Linkedin.

allendoerfer 6y ago
> Bonus points for regularly posting obnoxious agile methodology articles on your companies intranet or Linkedin. To truely leave a legacy, it would be great, if you could also miss what the original intentions and benefits of agile are and go on to raise a few teamleads and middle managers to use your buzzwords in the wrong context. A true master craftsman in this area makes the right people feel more, but the whole organization be less agile. Your work is not completed, until developers visit threads like this to step into your footsteps.
- exikyut 6y ago
  I am twitching reading this. This is cartoon punching fight cloud meets head-inside-church-bell. This is like the social equivalent of How To Write Unmaintainable Programs ._.
- 314 6y ago
  Truly this fulfills the destiny of a Thought Leader.
- tomaskafka 6y ago
  Definitely - in a last job, I wast told to not make waves (about how we could cooperate in a better way) and follow the agile process. I resisted sending that scrum master a first sentence of agile manifesto and left promptly.
brtkdotse 6y ago
> A meeting here, some buzzwords there and compile the results regularly in lengthy confluence pages nobody will ever read. Uhm, no. I've been a scrum master. Your calendar looks like a lost game of Tetris, everybody above you is wondering why everything is late, everyone below you is wondering why they don't get more time. It's the anti-thesis of a cushy job.
kadomony 6y ago
This is pretty spot-on. I didn't get a lot of face time with stakeholders as an individual on a scrum team until our project manager was fired, and I said "f** it, I'll be the product owner AND scrum master". I basically dumped our Atlassian suite, set up our Azure DevOps, including our project's processes, boards, and rules. I automated most of our meetings to run asynchronously because we're a remote team. Takeaways: - The team loves me more than anyone on the team because I don't force arbitrary bullshit on them like holding them to extremely rigid scrum standards meant to create and highlight artificial scarcities of work. - Stakeholders (the ones that will recommend me for promotions) know my name and I get to shoot the shit with them in our weekly touchpoints while I show them the metrics that only matter for my team. The easiest jobs are typically the mid-tier levels inside a company undergoing a "digital transformation" (unless your new boss would be from Amazon). These companies are rife with dysfunction and boomers that barely understand how to effectively leverage the Microsoft 365 platform. Cue automating everything, blowing the pants off of older folks like your mom when you fixed her iPad, and basically skating by while making good money (not FAANG great) money.

allendoerfer 6y ago

> Bonus points for regularly posting obnoxious agile methodology articles on your companies intranet or Linkedin. To truely leave a legacy, it would be great, if you could also miss what the original intentions and benefits of agile are and go on to raise a few teamleads and middle managers to use your buzzwords in the wrong context. A true master craftsman in this area makes the right people feel more, but the whole organization be less agile. Your work is not completed, until developers visit threads like this to step into your footsteps.

exikyut 6y ago
I am twitching reading this. This is cartoon punching fight cloud meets head-inside-church-bell. This is like the social equivalent of How To Write Unmaintainable Programs ._.
314 6y ago
Truly this fulfills the destiny of a Thought Leader.
tomaskafka 6y ago
Definitely - in a last job, I wast told to not make waves (about how we could cooperate in a better way) and follow the agile process. I resisted sending that scrum master a first sentence of agile manifesto and left promptly.

brtkdotse 6y ago

> A meeting here, some buzzwords there and compile the results regularly in lengthy confluence pages nobody will ever read. Uhm, no. I've been a scrum master. Your calendar looks like a lost game of Tetris, everybody above you is wondering why everything is late, everyone below you is wondering why they don't get more time. It's the anti-thesis of a cushy job.

kadomony 6y ago

This is pretty spot-on. I didn't get a lot of face time with stakeholders as an individual on a scrum team until our project manager was fired, and I said "f** it, I'll be the product owner AND scrum master". I basically dumped our Atlassian suite, set up our Azure DevOps, including our project's processes, boards, and rules. I automated most of our meetings to run asynchronously because we're a remote team. Takeaways: - The team loves me more than anyone on the team because I don't force arbitrary bullshit on them like holding them to extremely rigid scrum standards meant to create and highlight artificial scarcities of work. - Stakeholders (the ones that will recommend me for promotions) know my name and I get to shoot the shit with them in our weekly touchpoints while I show them the metrics that only matter for my team. The easiest jobs are typically the mid-tier levels inside a company undergoing a "digital transformation" (unless your new boss would be from Amazon). These companies are rife with dysfunction and boomers that barely understand how to effectively leverage the Microsoft 365 platform. Cue automating everything, blowing the pants off of older folks like your mom when you fixed her iPad, and basically skating by while making good money (not FAANG great) money.