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> I generally believe that the way behavioral patterns emerge is not instant, not everything is a habit, some behaviours are impulsive or context driven. lets
by iovrthoughtthis 6y ago
> I generally believe that the way behavioral patterns emerge is not instant,
not everything is a habit, some behaviours are impulsive or context driven. lets say that habits take time to form though.
> and therefore the way you get out cannot be instant.
this is only true if breaking a habit, is also a habit. i don’t not certain this is always true.
lets ask, what is a habit? since this is an async convo i will answer myself. i think a habit is a behaviour that you repeat based on some trigger (time of day, previous activity etc). based on that we could call a “routine” a series of habits (or habitual behaviours). we do them, one after the other, in sequence (generally).
yeah i agree, these take time to build! how do you maintain them? because i spent 3 years working on running everyday and then i was ill for a week and immediately stopped. i broke my habit (or routine) that took 3 years to build in 1 week. are you wrong or am i broken?
> In other words, the only way out of the darkness is walking backing through the exact path you came from.
more generally i would say, the only way out of “the darkness” (which i will use to mean a period of time in my life where i am incredibly unhappy) is to deal with my trauma and accept all parts of myself (probably with the help of a therapist). i’ve not found ruminating over the past to be a successful strategy for creating light in my life.
> It takes a long time of not focusing on daily practice and discipline to get to the point where you don’t realize you need to put in at least a few hours of studying per day.
i honestly don’t understand this line. is the realisation that small iterative steps are required for study innate? is this your experience? i had to explicitly learn it. is not one of the greatest productivity strategies to break large complex things (passing an exam) into smaller, manageable tasks (a few hours of study a day). i do not buy this line.
> If you go years and years of studying the week of or the day before the test, you will become a certain way.
what certain way is that?
> I’d wager most Americans do all their major class work last minute since they were kids.
it would be interesting to see a survey of this! i won’t join this wager as i don’t like gambling.
> Along with that, they spend hours and hours playing video games and watching YouTube/Netflix/social media since childhood.
what are you claiming video games, youtube and netflix cause here? I’m not saying they each don’t have they negative aspects! especially youtube, just enough dopamine to keep you watching, so easy to waste a bunch of hours.
> By the time you are 25, you probably have a solid 20 years of insane habits.
i too thought i was late all the time because of the template my mum handed down to me(shes late all the time too). you know what else can be handed down though? heritable traits.
i still object to modelling all human behaviour around habits. the scope is much larger and the insanity is often a lack of behaviour (e.g not washing your butt).
> What few people will admit here is what they did for most of their life. Okay, so you realized you can’t read a textbook in college. Can you describe to me how you passed the time over the last 18 years?
read interesting books? played games? made music? rode bikes? went to parties. i’m not sure what you are attempting to get at here.
>I’m sure you managed to fill the time. You didn’t stare at the all for 18 years.
see above.
> If you literally stared at the wall, fine, here is a prescription to whatever drug you want.
so only if i did absolutely nothing in response to not being able to do something else, do i qualify for medication? i guess no one with any executing function disorders should get anything because sitting still is a real pain. sorry we’re not performing disorder well enough for you, i’ll get all the adhd peeps into a workshop perhaps you could join since you know exactly how someone with a disorder would perform. we really need those meds so any help you can offer is welcomed.
> If you managed to do all of the other bullshit I described above, then please take some responsibility on developing better habits.
man, f*k you. i’ve been taking responsibility for my actions for 30 years. you don’t know me.
> It’s the intellectual version of becoming obese. You know what you ate for the last several years.
so we have resorted to fat jokes. well, i’m not sure what i had hoped for tbh.
tl;dr you don’t believe in this ADD-whatever the fuck and people should grow up and act like ever other adult.
idk if you are a boomer but you should get checked out for alzheimers because your ideas are old as fuck.
NOTE: i had a nice, emotional description of my experience but i forgot how people here like to argue (stupid me), so i took responsibility for my actions and took apart the argument line by line instead.
- runawaybottle 6y agoHey I never ran a day in my life. I found out if I take steroids I can jump start my running in 3 months. Turns out I’m a great runner, so I must have been a great runner all this time and just need a therapeutic dose of steroids to show that I had chemical deficiency that easily solved it. Now life is much more fair for me. Look, once your life depends on a decision you know was a trade off (you feel entitled to whatever it is you don’t have from not putting in the actual work), it’s going to take intense mental gymnastics to feel sound as a person. But I can help you, repeat after me. This life wasn’t going great, so I made a decision. It’s better now, and I can live with it and fuck anyone else. All I’m saying is, don’t you dare sell that confirmation bias back into the zeitgeist. We can be friends, I’ve been there (probably still there). Certainly don’t try to sell it to the person that put in 3 years running, and the only difference between you and that person was an unprovable chemical deficiency. The guy waking up everyday to run never felt like it was never going to amount to anything once, right? They just had it in them, just like you. It’s all in you, like magic, just needs to brought out. Just own your decision in it’s entirety. No one is a saint here. Edit: is not one of the greatest productivity strategies to break large complex things (passing an exam) into smaller, manageable tasks (a few hours of study a day). i do not buy this line. This retort is a dead give away of entitlement. Everyone breaks down studying like this, Jesus. How special do some of you think you are? This is all supposed come freely to you? Read a chapter a day, and if some of you truly exhibit the impulsivity of dogs (the wind can distract you apparently), then read a page a day, and if you can’t do that, read a word a day. This is how people do it. Bunch of hidden brainiacs think they can just take a book and place it near their forehead and instantly absorb it and then cry foul when it doesn’t happen. And the last thing I want to add is, you won’t have fun doing any of the above stuff. It’s never going to be fun and it never is fun for anyone. The only joy you’ll get is at the very end when you succeed. Yep, classical delayed gratification. Now we get closer to the truth, yeah?
- Leparamour 6y ago>And the last thing I want to add is, you won’t have fun doing any of the above stuff. It’s never going to be fun and it never is fun for anyone. The only joy you’ll get is at the very end when you succeed. You still haven't understood the perspective of people with ADHD. They know all of this intellectually (and depending on age) they have tried more systems, mental models, techniques, strategies, tricks and hacks than you can ever imagine. This is not something that you can "tough your way" through, or all of this being harsh on myself would have amounted to something. Your example, with reading just one word a day and the compound effect of repeating that behaviour regularly, hinges on some "axiom" that one will just stick to a habit. With ADHD you just "forget" to read that one word, no matter how many post-its you stick on the monitor or mirror. At best you cycle back to the "word" every few weeks without making progress, like treading water.