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> - Emotions swinging from happy to angry in a flash For me this falls under a general "lack of proprioception" in which I'm bad at recognising both bodily and

> - Emotions swinging from happy to angry in a flash For me this falls under a general "lack of proprioception" in which I'm bad at recognising both bodily and emotional feelings until they hit a certain threshold, at which point they surprise me at full force. It does have some advantages as an adult - I'm very emotionally steady due to not being influenced by every emotion - but on the other hand it means I miss emotional cues that are often better dealt with before they get too serious, makes relationships hard for the same reason and leads to the risk of substance use as a way of compensating for all of this. Honestly, for me the attention-related symptoms are the easiest to understand and learn to manage, it's this disconnect from body and feelings that causes the most challenging problems to even notice, let alone manage.

bradstewart 6y ago
This really hits home for me. I didn't even recognize this tendency in myself for years, until my now wife pointed it out to me. One thing that's really helped me is to periodically sit down with a piece of paper in a quiet room and answer the question: "what am I ignoring right now?" The stuff I write down _always_ surprises me. Always.
- spiralx 6y ago
  Another way I look at it is that my brain's filters underperform, meaning all the excess noise from senses and internal thoughts can overwhelm what's supposed to be what you are attending to. I really struggle to sleep if there's light or noise in the background - especially voices such as TV, where your brain has special circuits just to focus on and process them. Ketamine is an anaesthetic and taking it makes me feel incredibly connected to my body and emotions, probably because it reduces all of that stuff around the edges.
  - bradstewart 6y ago
    Yep, definitely experienced that as well. I usually sleep with ear plugs and eye mask. If you don't mind my asking, how often do you take Ketamine? I have no experience with it or anything like it.
    - spiralx 6y ago
      In my 20s several times a week, in my 30s every week or two, nowadays every so often. My 20s were a chaotic mess with a lot of partying, and I'm fairly sure ketamine's effects on depression and anxiety and my ADHD were a part of why I enjoyed it so much. I still do, but post-diagnosis at 31 I've been getting my life back on track and while it's amazing how your brain can adapt to even something as potent as ketamine and manage to function in daily life, doing so was in no way living my best life lol. It's an incredible experience and a medical tool with a lot of potential, see its recent use for chronic depression and alcohol addiction. Recreational and therapeutic dosages are very different though!
- spiralx 6y ago
  I kept a daily diary on a site called kuro5hin back in the first half of the 00s and my 20s, and it was an amazing stream of consciousness that writing was perhaps even more helpful to me than the community there that read and commented on each other's diaries. I managed to download them all and reading back such intimate and mundane thoughts from an otherwise blurry period of my past is... strange and enlightening. It's amazing how your brain retells the story of your past to paint things in a better light. Writing your thoughts in that style is up there with exercise for healthy management of ADHD IMO. Glad you've found such a tool, I've something I've struggled to get back since I stopped writing my diary.

bradstewart 6y ago

This really hits home for me. I didn't even recognize this tendency in myself for years, until my now wife pointed it out to me. One thing that's really helped me is to periodically sit down with a piece of paper in a quiet room and answer the question: "what am I ignoring right now?" The stuff I write down _always_ surprises me. Always.

spiralx 6y ago
Another way I look at it is that my brain's filters underperform, meaning all the excess noise from senses and internal thoughts can overwhelm what's supposed to be what you are attending to. I really struggle to sleep if there's light or noise in the background - especially voices such as TV, where your brain has special circuits just to focus on and process them. Ketamine is an anaesthetic and taking it makes me feel incredibly connected to my body and emotions, probably because it reduces all of that stuff around the edges.
- bradstewart 6y ago
  Yep, definitely experienced that as well. I usually sleep with ear plugs and eye mask. If you don't mind my asking, how often do you take Ketamine? I have no experience with it or anything like it.
  - spiralx 6y ago
    In my 20s several times a week, in my 30s every week or two, nowadays every so often. My 20s were a chaotic mess with a lot of partying, and I'm fairly sure ketamine's effects on depression and anxiety and my ADHD were a part of why I enjoyed it so much. I still do, but post-diagnosis at 31 I've been getting my life back on track and while it's amazing how your brain can adapt to even something as potent as ketamine and manage to function in daily life, doing so was in no way living my best life lol. It's an incredible experience and a medical tool with a lot of potential, see its recent use for chronic depression and alcohol addiction. Recreational and therapeutic dosages are very different though!
spiralx 6y ago
I kept a daily diary on a site called kuro5hin back in the first half of the 00s and my 20s, and it was an amazing stream of consciousness that writing was perhaps even more helpful to me than the community there that read and commented on each other's diaries. I managed to download them all and reading back such intimate and mundane thoughts from an otherwise blurry period of my past is... strange and enlightening. It's amazing how your brain retells the story of your past to paint things in a better light. Writing your thoughts in that style is up there with exercise for healthy management of ADHD IMO. Glad you've found such a tool, I've something I've struggled to get back since I stopped writing my diary.