>but some months ago I decided to go to work on a proper medium software company. I'm barely sure what that actually means in practice, day-to-day. If that's r

>but some months ago I decided to go to work on a proper medium software company. I'm barely sure what that actually means in practice, day-to-day. If that's really what it is, they should know how to help you get up to speed and understand your situation. Your core feelings here (not to be dismissive) seem to be about them "finding out" and suddenly firing you. It's remotely possible they do that, but unlikely. Even if they do, it was just a company you don't qualify for. It doesn't diminish the previous work you've done. There's a lot of advice here already about what to do within this company, so consider the worst case: you fail 2-3 more times and they ultimately fire you. You still have something to fall back on by going back to your previous work.