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The responsible agency is rightfully embarrassed by this oversight, and has now taken stringent measures to ensure something like this never happens again - He
by whack 6y ago
The responsible agency is rightfully embarrassed by this oversight, and has now taken stringent measures to ensure something like this never happens again
- Henceforth, all tweets can only ever be sent from a remote-desktop server that has to be hosted in a security-clearance-5 site
- In order to access the remote-desktop, 2 government employees, who both have 10+ years of government experience, will need to jointly log into the server together. The 2 users will need to alternate keypresses and mouse-clicks, in order to prevent either one from abusing their power
- Both employees will need to be using a computer that comes equipped with a built-in webcam, that has been security cleared by the NSA. This webcam should be running NSA custom-built software that continuously monitors the faces of both employees, and locks the computer if it detects anything suspicious or anomalous
- To prevent the possibility of misuse or bias, all tweets will need to be pre-cleared by the CIA's department of information warfare
In other news, why does it cost the government so much money, and take so long, to get anything done!? Stay tuned for more.
- olodus 6y agoNon-Parenthood and celebacy are now a requirements for any governmental position. Never will this proud nation be scarred by something this embarrassing again.
- 29athrowaway 6y agoThe room where the tweeting designated computer is located is painted with anti wifi paint. No communication devices are allowed in the room and is protected by armed guards disguised as plants. Submitting the tweet requires turning two keys at the same time, the keys are reissued every 24 hours. The password to unlock the computer is written with invisible ink in a microfilm contained inside a spy coin in a fake book which can only be found in a public library in Alaska corresponding to the volume #25 of the 1951 Encyclopedia Britannica, an encyclopedia that only had 24 volumes originally. The password is punched into cards in reverse order. Then, these punched cards are used as an stencil that can be scanned with a fake Android barcode app that returns thingiverse url which can be used to 3d print a key that will unlock the chest where the actual password is contained. The second key is obtained by calling the phone number found in the tag of a XXXL Harambe t-shirt from a specific vendor on Amazon. The phone number will emit a fake busy tone for 5 minutes and then an operator will pick up and answer in the Klingon language.
- bradknowles 6y agoAnd the mandatory password for the account will be permanently locked to “00000000”.
- 29athrowaway 6y agoFor decades, the launch codes were codes consisting of all zeroes.
- deleted 6y ago[deleted]
- thephyber 6y agoReminds me of Reed Hastings quote about what he learned running his software company before Netflix: if your company insists on always adding policies to fix yesterday’s issues, tomorrow you will only have employees who enjoy to following and creating policies (quote not verbatim). Also, I took your comment to be satire, but it’s hard to tell that from truth these days.
- legacynl 6y ago> In other news, why does it cost the government so much money, and take so long, to get anything done!? Stay tuned for more. Don't be ridiculous. Every organization has protocols in place. It might seem inherently wasteful, but they actually save money by preventing costly mistakes.