5 ms·

> But imagine that every time you have an 'off' experience with someone, you end up wondering whether your race or sex had something to do with it. I can't pre

> But imagine that every time you have an 'off' experience with someone, you end up wondering whether your race or sex had something to do with it. I can't pretend to have any idea what that's like. However, I do know what it's like from the other side, wondering whether the things I say will be misconstrued as prejudice and whether any bad experience I have with someone of a difference race/sex/etc will be used to label me as a bigot. I don't think I ever thought differently of anyone for their sex or skin color as a kid. Now I'm so worried about offending people that I force myself to be hyper-aware of anyone with those kinds of traits that differ from my own. Maybe it's easy for me to say from my position, but I'm not sure how we'll ever come together so long as we keep highlighting those sorts of differences.

jjeaff 6y ago
I have heard a lot of people say that is what it is like to be a minority. You are always worried that what you say or do will fall into some negative stereotype. You don't speak the way you naturally do in public for fear of being branded "uneducated". And you completely avoid certain situations because you are simply tired of keeping your guard up. So if anything, maybe having to be on your guard all the time will help people learn what it is like to be a minority and can then understand why it is helpful to at least be somewhat thoughtful in how you treat people of diverse race/gender/cultural background.
- CivBase 6y ago
  I'm not sure spreading the problem to everyone else is very good solution.
- rayiner 6y ago
  Is it a “lot of people?” Growing up as a brown guy in the south I’d think about my ethnicity maybe once a month? If that? I assume there’s a spectrum, but I also think the public view is very distorted by who gets amplified. You can’t get tenure or get your op-ed published in the NYT writing about how being a minority in the US is fine and people are pretty nice.
- mc32 6y ago
  That in itself is a stereotype. Ask the people you know who fit your description if they feel like they have to put up a facade or keep up their guard. Let’s see how prevalent that is.
  - jjeaff 6y ago
    Yes, that is what I was alluding to. Multiple people I know, including several in my own family have said this is a thing.
0_____0 6y ago
Sounds like a lot of your anxiety comes from not having insight into the experiences of people that end up experiencing racism and sexism. You have the option of doing a bit of research and a bit of work to understand the 'other side' in these interactions. This pays off in a couple ways. First, you'll be more at ease in your interactions with women/POC. Second, people in those groups do notice when people put in a bit of self-work to build that empathy and create a good environment for that and over time will see you as an ally. Is that a process that you're willing to engage?
- CivBase 6y ago
  I'm not sure what that process would look like, but I'd be interested. I think the world needs more empathy and I have no doubt there is a lot I can learn. However, I'm skeptical that my anxiety comes from a lack of insight or understanding. I do not have these sorts of worries around people with whom I am well acquainted. I know I'm not prejudice and I trust my friends to interpret my words and actions in good faith. But I recognize there is a minority of people out there who will intentionally take what I say or do in bad faith if it benefits them. People like that exist in all groups, regardless of physical traits. When interacting with a minority or protected class, I have to worry just as much about interpretations of those around me as that of the person I'm interacting with. In a world where accusations of prejudice are often met with a guilty-until-proven-innocent mentality, any such accusation is very damaging regardless of who it comes from.

jjeaff 6y ago

I have heard a lot of people say that is what it is like to be a minority. You are always worried that what you say or do will fall into some negative stereotype. You don't speak the way you naturally do in public for fear of being branded "uneducated". And you completely avoid certain situations because you are simply tired of keeping your guard up. So if anything, maybe having to be on your guard all the time will help people learn what it is like to be a minority and can then understand why it is helpful to at least be somewhat thoughtful in how you treat people of diverse race/gender/cultural background.

CivBase 6y ago
I'm not sure spreading the problem to everyone else is very good solution.
rayiner 6y ago
Is it a “lot of people?” Growing up as a brown guy in the south I’d think about my ethnicity maybe once a month? If that? I assume there’s a spectrum, but I also think the public view is very distorted by who gets amplified. You can’t get tenure or get your op-ed published in the NYT writing about how being a minority in the US is fine and people are pretty nice.
mc32 6y ago
That in itself is a stereotype. Ask the people you know who fit your description if they feel like they have to put up a facade or keep up their guard. Let’s see how prevalent that is.
- jjeaff 6y ago
  Yes, that is what I was alluding to. Multiple people I know, including several in my own family have said this is a thing.

0_____0 6y ago

Sounds like a lot of your anxiety comes from not having insight into the experiences of people that end up experiencing racism and sexism. You have the option of doing a bit of research and a bit of work to understand the 'other side' in these interactions. This pays off in a couple ways. First, you'll be more at ease in your interactions with women/POC. Second, people in those groups do notice when people put in a bit of self-work to build that empathy and create a good environment for that and over time will see you as an ally. Is that a process that you're willing to engage?

CivBase 6y ago
I'm not sure what that process would look like, but I'd be interested. I think the world needs more empathy and I have no doubt there is a lot I can learn. However, I'm skeptical that my anxiety comes from a lack of insight or understanding. I do not have these sorts of worries around people with whom I am well acquainted. I know I'm not prejudice and I trust my friends to interpret my words and actions in good faith. But I recognize there is a minority of people out there who will intentionally take what I say or do in bad faith if it benefits them. People like that exist in all groups, regardless of physical traits. When interacting with a minority or protected class, I have to worry just as much about interpretations of those around me as that of the person I'm interacting with. In a world where accusations of prejudice are often met with a guilty-until-proven-innocent mentality, any such accusation is very damaging regardless of who it comes from.