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That maybe it's better not to pour salt on the wound by talking about sexism? Are you as engaged in the other top 30 stories on HN today or somehow this one is

That maybe it's better not to pour salt on the wound by talking about sexism? Are you as engaged in the other top 30 stories on HN today or somehow this one is the one you needed to chime in on the most? That's basically a personal attack. I tend to get more attention and engagement for certain topics. If I am less engaged on other topics, that's partly because of "audience response," so to speak. My first comment on HN today is this: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=26612921 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=26612921 It's about health stuff. It has two upvotes and zero replies. I also posted this which is my writing on one of my many blogs: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=26615169 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=26615169 It has zero upvotes and zero comments (and not because my stuff never does well -- sometimes, it does well). I'm not pouring salt on any wounds to engage here. I go out of my way to not pour salt on wounds. It's an inherently hard problem to solve. My failure to readily solve it is not because I'm not trying hard enough or something. You can infer that I am handling it pretty darn well based on my cumulative karma here and the fact that I haven't been banned (at least not yet).

calylex 6y ago
I am well aware of your karma points here and have been for years, I was not implying you go around gaslighting or anything of the sort. My point was about you and your wellbeing not others necessarily. When you said above: > "Is this actually constructive criticism or toxic bullshit?" and keep trying to engage in good faith in the face of certain patterns. It's just exhausting I'm not sure why it's hard to get this rather simple point across, but what I'm trying to say is the fact that you engage in frequent discussion about sexism may have something to do with it being at the forefront of your thought and the source of your struggle in deciding if something is out of good faith criticism or "toxic bullshit".
- DoreenMichele 6y ago
  You seem to be reading in a lot more hurt feelings on my part than I really have. I was doing a thing called "giving testimony." [1] I talk about sexism because it comes up. I talk about sexism because it is pertinent to my life. I talk about sexism because I happen to be online and have nothing better to do because the thing my life revolves around is coping with my medical situation. [2] I overall have a really positive opinion of HN which is why I spend so much time here. There seems to be no good way to express that and also state clearly "But I still need more income anyway, even though I don't hate everyone here." Wherever you go, there you are. I am likely the highest ranked woman here because literally starving and being homeless helped me heal when that isn't supposed to be possible. It's routinely drama to talk about my medical situation and I get called a liar to my face and told I'm crazy for talking about the fact that I'm getting healthier when that isn't supposed to be possible. Hacker News is the only place on the internet where it is ever possible for me to have any kind of meaty, meaningful discussion of medical material and it has been a source of occasional one-off conversations with people with PhDs in Biology or what not who were kind enough to answer my questions in layman's terms, which has literally been lifesaving and life giving. I don't hate HN. I do hate being desperately poor. It really sucks and I would like it to stop being a part of my life. I'm at a point where I got the memo: Contrary to everything medical science seems to believe about my condition, semi-fasting is beneficial and will likely remain a part of my protocol for the rest of my life, even if I stop being poor. Though I only learned that because I was literally homeless and going hungry for part of most months for several years. For most women, being homeless and going hungry would not be a literally life saving experience for them. It would be merely embittering. So there is never any good way to talk about the fact that Hacker News literally has helped to save my life and also make the point "I would like to stop being poor." I don't want people to hear "She starved and that saved her life" and use that as some kind of bullshit justification for "Womenz should just be abused. It's better for them!" I have very poor credibility when it comes to talking about my firsthand experience with getting healthier when the world claims that simply cannot be done. I'm in a no win situation in that regard. Talking about sexism in the world is generally far less controversial than talking about the fact that I am getting well when that isn't supposed to be possible. I love and adore HN. I loathe how fucking poor I am. I hate it with every fiber of my being and I would like to stop being poor and I am absolutely certain my gender is a factor in my intractable poverty. I don't really care to engage further with you on this subject. [1] https://witnesstodestruction.blogspot.com/p/a-pragmatic-approach-to-thorny-people.html https://witnesstodestruction.blogspot.com/p/a-pragmatic-appr... [2] https://writepay.blogspot.com/2020/07/my-occupation.html https://writepay.blogspot.com/2020/07/my-occupation.html
  - calylex 6y ago
    Yes I believe I remember you mentioning that you are poor several years ago, sorry to hear that hasn't changed even though you're the top female poster on HN, I believe patio11 landed a lucrative job at Stripe mainly because of his creds on HN? I don't think you're alone in having nothing better to do in life than posting here, basically anyone posting here right now has nothing better to do in their life. We have a lot more in common that you might think. I'm not saying find something better to do than posting on HN, far from it, heck I'm doing it myself right now. What I am saying is perhaps find other topics to discuss if you want to rid yourself of the curse of being constantly "exhausted" from daily interaction with people (men) in deciding if they're all being "just sexist pigs!"
    - DoreenMichele 6y ago
      Coping with gendered stuff happening that helps keep one poor is exhausting whether you discuss it or not. It is even more exhausting to have to put on a happy face and pretend it isn't happening because it makes other people uncomfortable to hear that you are suffering and their behavior might somehow be a factor in that when they don't want to have to contemplate altering their own behavior in some way.
      - deleted 6y ago
        [deleted]
      - calylex 6y ago
        The original subject that bothered you was the fact you were having a hard time recognizing whether something is being sexist or not. To which I suggested a solution and you seem to be dismissing it, namely, that it might help to avoid topics that have a negative psychological effect. > they don't want to have to contemplate altering their own behavior in some way This is mutually exclusive from the discussion we are having so I rather not engage in this topic. My original point stands regardless of whether you think there is rampant sexism: the way to cope with it is perhaps to avoid or at least stop seeking discussions about that subject. Much like the people suffering from PTSD shouldn't be exposed to things that make them remember the events that caused their PTSD. I am not saying you have PTSD or even that the problem is in any way shape or form with you or women, I am saying avoiding the discussion of such topics may be the best game-theocratical way of improving one's wellbeing.
Ancapistani 6y ago
> I'm not pouring salt on any wounds to engage here. I go out of my way to not pour salt on wounds. I'll just say that whenever I see you comment on posts on this topic, I pay attention. I tend to switch accounts every so often as well, so I have several years of doing so under my belt at this point. I don't always agree with you, but I've learned a lot from your comments and am confident that you're making from from a place of open desire to share your perspective and learn of the perspectives of others. Please don't stop because someone doesn't "get it" :)
- DoreenMichele 6y ago
  Thank you.

calylex 6y ago

I am well aware of your karma points here and have been for years, I was not implying you go around gaslighting or anything of the sort. My point was about you and your wellbeing not others necessarily. When you said above: > "Is this actually constructive criticism or toxic bullshit?" and keep trying to engage in good faith in the face of certain patterns. It's just exhausting I'm not sure why it's hard to get this rather simple point across, but what I'm trying to say is the fact that you engage in frequent discussion about sexism may have something to do with it being at the forefront of your thought and the source of your struggle in deciding if something is out of good faith criticism or "toxic bullshit".

DoreenMichele 6y ago
You seem to be reading in a lot more hurt feelings on my part than I really have. I was doing a thing called "giving testimony." [1] I talk about sexism because it comes up. I talk about sexism because it is pertinent to my life. I talk about sexism because I happen to be online and have nothing better to do because the thing my life revolves around is coping with my medical situation. [2] I overall have a really positive opinion of HN which is why I spend so much time here. There seems to be no good way to express that and also state clearly "But I still need more income anyway, even though I don't hate everyone here." Wherever you go, there you are. I am likely the highest ranked woman here because literally starving and being homeless helped me heal when that isn't supposed to be possible. It's routinely drama to talk about my medical situation and I get called a liar to my face and told I'm crazy for talking about the fact that I'm getting healthier when that isn't supposed to be possible. Hacker News is the only place on the internet where it is ever possible for me to have any kind of meaty, meaningful discussion of medical material and it has been a source of occasional one-off conversations with people with PhDs in Biology or what not who were kind enough to answer my questions in layman's terms, which has literally been lifesaving and life giving. I don't hate HN. I do hate being desperately poor. It really sucks and I would like it to stop being a part of my life. I'm at a point where I got the memo: Contrary to everything medical science seems to believe about my condition, semi-fasting is beneficial and will likely remain a part of my protocol for the rest of my life, even if I stop being poor. Though I only learned that because I was literally homeless and going hungry for part of most months for several years. For most women, being homeless and going hungry would not be a literally life saving experience for them. It would be merely embittering. So there is never any good way to talk about the fact that Hacker News literally has helped to save my life and also make the point "I would like to stop being poor." I don't want people to hear "She starved and that saved her life" and use that as some kind of bullshit justification for "Womenz should just be abused. It's better for them!" I have very poor credibility when it comes to talking about my firsthand experience with getting healthier when the world claims that simply cannot be done. I'm in a no win situation in that regard. Talking about sexism in the world is generally far less controversial than talking about the fact that I am getting well when that isn't supposed to be possible. I love and adore HN. I loathe how fucking poor I am. I hate it with every fiber of my being and I would like to stop being poor and I am absolutely certain my gender is a factor in my intractable poverty. I don't really care to engage further with you on this subject. [1] https://witnesstodestruction.blogspot.com/p/a-pragmatic-approach-to-thorny-people.html https://witnesstodestruction.blogspot.com/p/a-pragmatic-appr... [2] https://writepay.blogspot.com/2020/07/my-occupation.html https://writepay.blogspot.com/2020/07/my-occupation.html
- calylex 6y ago
  Yes I believe I remember you mentioning that you are poor several years ago, sorry to hear that hasn't changed even though you're the top female poster on HN, I believe patio11 landed a lucrative job at Stripe mainly because of his creds on HN? I don't think you're alone in having nothing better to do in life than posting here, basically anyone posting here right now has nothing better to do in their life. We have a lot more in common that you might think. I'm not saying find something better to do than posting on HN, far from it, heck I'm doing it myself right now. What I am saying is perhaps find other topics to discuss if you want to rid yourself of the curse of being constantly "exhausted" from daily interaction with people (men) in deciding if they're all being "just sexist pigs!"
  - DoreenMichele 6y ago
    Coping with gendered stuff happening that helps keep one poor is exhausting whether you discuss it or not. It is even more exhausting to have to put on a happy face and pretend it isn't happening because it makes other people uncomfortable to hear that you are suffering and their behavior might somehow be a factor in that when they don't want to have to contemplate altering their own behavior in some way.
    - deleted 6y ago
      [deleted]
    - calylex 6y ago
      The original subject that bothered you was the fact you were having a hard time recognizing whether something is being sexist or not. To which I suggested a solution and you seem to be dismissing it, namely, that it might help to avoid topics that have a negative psychological effect. > they don't want to have to contemplate altering their own behavior in some way This is mutually exclusive from the discussion we are having so I rather not engage in this topic. My original point stands regardless of whether you think there is rampant sexism: the way to cope with it is perhaps to avoid or at least stop seeking discussions about that subject. Much like the people suffering from PTSD shouldn't be exposed to things that make them remember the events that caused their PTSD. I am not saying you have PTSD or even that the problem is in any way shape or form with you or women, I am saying avoiding the discussion of such topics may be the best game-theocratical way of improving one's wellbeing.

Ancapistani 6y ago

> I'm not pouring salt on any wounds to engage here. I go out of my way to not pour salt on wounds. I'll just say that whenever I see you comment on posts on this topic, I pay attention. I tend to switch accounts every so often as well, so I have several years of doing so under my belt at this point. I don't always agree with you, but I've learned a lot from your comments and am confident that you're making from from a place of open desire to share your perspective and learn of the perspectives of others. Please don't stop because someone doesn't "get it" :)

DoreenMichele 6y ago
Thank you.