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If we're going to keep to narrow introvert/extrovert definitions here, then to an extrovert only is that rude. Personally I find small talk and social pleasantr
by 46Bit 15y ago
If we're going to keep to narrow introvert/extrovert definitions here, then to an extrovert only is that rude. Personally I find small talk and social pleasantries little more than a way to waste time and pretend you care more than you really do. I rely on the pretty sensible concept that if someone has anything important to tell me, they'll come out with it.
Besides, the internet is wonderful for me because social niceties have faded. You don't get forum posts with 5 lines of social waffle, you get people just cutting to the chase. Think just-go-ahead-and-say-it IRC.
- Monkeyget 15y agoSocial niceties serve as a grease that makes the social interaction go smoothly. By avoiding those and being frank and direct you only introduce sand in the mechanism. There was a wonderful quote to this effect a while ago on HN but I can't quite find it.
- mkr-hn 15y agoHow does it introduce sand without one party deciding it's going to create friction? It wouldn't exist between two no-need-for-pleasantries people.
- munificent 15y agoSmalltalk is exactly how you find out what the other party's preferred communication style is. People don't give a shit about the weather. They talk about it because it's a convenient substrate to see how a person interacts. Are they terse? Long-winded? Sad? Happy? What kind of accent to they have? Do they seem busy?
- mkr-hn 15y ago"Are you busy?" "Rough day?" Would you consider things like that small talk? I don't, and it's usually enough to decide how to proceed. Being direct can mean asking someone if they're up to dealing with what you have to say. I've found that empathy is a great conversation starter.
- crazymik3 15y agoI don't really understand how not going directly to the point can be better, for any mechanism.
- hugh3 15y agoAnd I don't really understand how thirty seconds of chit-chat about the weather is worse. Can you give me an example of the kind of small talk that you find to be painful?
- meow 15y ago30 seconds of small talk about weather with 30 people a day ... is painful..
- seabee 15y agoI'm sorry, in which world do all these introverts live where any topic is perfectly OK to talk about at any time? Small talk and social niceties aren't merely hot air, they are tools you can use to assess a person's mood, what they are interested in or comfortable discussing, or even whether it is productive to discuss something at all. Consider it the metadata of conversation. Also consider that conversation is two-way communication. You reveal information about yourself not just by the answers you give, but by the questions you ask.
- hugh3 15y agoIt also establishes the fundamental fact "This is a friendly conversation". If I walk into my subordinate's office right now and say "Have you finished that graph yet?" then that communicates that I'm really impatient about getting that graph. Which would be fine if I am, but I'm not. If I do that, I'll just make him jumpy and anxious. Instead I'll wander down to his office and start with a "Hey, how's it going?" before asking about the graph, cuz I'm not actually impatient to get it, I'm just interested to know whether he's making progress or whether there's anything I need to help him with. The smalltalk is basically just equivalent to "I come in peace". If I were a gorilla I'd probably have to do this with gestures and facial expressions, but since I'm a human I have this extra tool in my arsenal to communicate the non-threatening nature of my approach. Awesome!
- orangecat 15y agoSocial niceties serve as a grease that makes the social interaction go smoothly. Again, for extroverts. For (many) introverts forced small talk is unnatural and often makes interactions more awkward.
- clark-kent 15y agoHow about really caring about people. Asking them how their day is going, cracking a joke to make someone smile. That's what smalltalk is really about.