5 ms·

How to say no politely at work

amenghra 6y ago
"sorry, no ¯\_(ツ)_/¯." works wonders.
elwell 6y ago
I don't know how I feel about writing or receiving messages that were > X% undisclosedly written by AI, where X is probably around 5.
- amscanne 6y ago
  I can imagine that if such a product becomes successful and commonplace, there would be an immediate demand for a client that translates those paragraphs back into the actual message ("Thank you for reaching out, blah blah, unfortunately, blah blah, small team, blah blah, workload, blah blah" => "no").
  - elwell 6y ago
    We should be writing our emails in some programming language I guess
- airhead969 6y ago
  Doesn't Gmail roughly do the same thing already? Offer AI canned choices. This all seems like automating what secretaries used to do when a boss said: "tell X my plate is full and I'm unable to help them with Y" and then the secretary crafted a diplomatic version of that as a memo.
richardwhiuk 6y ago
Sorry, no I'm not going to request access to read your article. That exceed my hassle hurdle.
- greggturkington 6y ago
  Filter to politely say "no" to the regiwall for this website in uBlock: www.flowrite.com##.waitlist-pop-up
- ISL 6y ago
  There was an "X" hidden in the popup dialog.
tyingq 6y ago
How to say no, politely, to the registration wall that pops up halfway into this article: https://outline.com/feLLTL https://outline.com/feLLTL
- leokennis 6y ago
  For those on iOS, this app works wonders for shitty stuff like this article: https://apps.apple.com/nl/app/unobstruct/id1255281426 https://apps.apple.com/nl/app/unobstruct/id1255281426
blowski 6y ago
My formulaic sentence for this: > I understand you want x, but at the moment I need to y, so I'm going to continue doing y. Is that OK? I don't like using formulas for tricky conversations, but there are times when you just need to cut the conversation without expending any mental energy on it.
- IncRnd 6y ago
  Just don't ASK the person, "Is that OK?" They gave terrible advice with that formula.
marijnz 6y ago
Meh - why fill clear and concise messages with pretty much meaningless fluff?
- blueboo 6y ago
  Good question! I wish people asked more often because so few here know the answer. The “fluff” establishes tone. The correct tone builds and reinforces a relationship. In contrast, a “clear and concise” response with no “fluff” is just as likely to be read as aloof or sarcastic. As long as you’re dealing with fellow humans, take care: the niceties matter.
- ISL 6y ago
  Small talk appears, on the surface, to have limited utility. With deeper study, though, it becomes clear that it is the impedance-matching that smooths the interaction between people. There is a reason that almost everyone who works in deeply-human endeavors engages in it. It respects and acknowledges the humanity of interactions. Just saying, "No." has a very different impact (and efficacy) than, "I respect and acknowledge you and your work, but that course of action simply isn't possible."
airhead969 6y ago
There's another strategy: Be known as the honest-but-could-be-more-tactful jerk-lite who will always give you a clear, no-nonsense answer right away. Spending too much time and effort managing other people's (stereotypically millennial and younger) touchy feelings is a waste of company time. Don't go out of your way to be a jerk, but it's a non-value-add activity to spend hours per day crafting perfect emails to coddle everyone else. It's a business, not a micro-aggression safe-space or a country club. Try to be a family but where denied requested aren't taken personally.
- Hackbraten 6y ago
  I somewhat disagree. Tone is very difficult to convey in written communication. A perfectly neutral email may come across as rude, or vice versa. Erring on the side of politeness helps avoid such misunderstandings. Spending hours to refine messages is certainly overdoing it. But if you write all your messages with zero safety padding, you’re only hurting your own career needlessly.
  - nyx_ 6y ago
    I'm inclined to think that someone who needs hours of time just to write an email in which they don't sound like a big jerk is likely to be a fountain of workplace interpersonal problems. If spending a few seconds to be a little more tactful is difficult for someone, the problem is with them, not the "millennials" that need to be "coddled".
greggturkington 6y ago
This is an ad, most of the user's submissions are for this site. It's also a terrible article. The first example is why saying "sorry I can't" is bad, the last example is literally just "no." It's not a revelation that those could be stated better.
- seaman1921 6y ago
  Did you even read the article ? The last example is not literally 'no' .. it is a demonstration of how that bullet point 'no' is turned into an email using the app they are advertising. Nothing wrong with that.
  - greggturkington 6y ago
    Yes, I cited the beginning and the end of the article, which is hard to do if you haven't read it. > it is a demonstration of how that bullet point 'no' is turned into an email Right, the word "no" is rephrased. Literally just "no." This magical software transforms it "into an effective email."
thih9 6y ago
I think that this is an important question but I feel that the article didn't really dive deep into it and instead focused on selling their product.
LittlePeter 6y ago
I did not like this article. "Thank you for your understanding" before the person has shown their understanding is manipulative. So is "thank you in advance". Also I could not care less that you hope I find someone else to do the job. Don't give me those "I hope this email finds you well" etc. It's disgusting.
xiphias2 6y ago
As an investor managing my own money, saying no is the most important thing. As a person working in a team, that's not the way to go: It totally depends on who do you say no to (cross-team, teammate or manager). If it's your boss/manager, and the task is not that small, it's important to ask the priority compared to other goals, as it probably makes other goals unachiavable. Also the boss has better context on how important it is, so I would never just say no instead of asking for context. If it's from a cross-team and big thing, communicate with your boss and ask if it's important enough to change priorities. If what somebody asks makes sense, do it.

"sorry, no ¯\_(ツ)_/¯." works wonders.

I don't know how I feel about writing or receiving messages that were > X% undisclosedly written by AI, where X is probably around 5.

amscanne 6y ago
I can imagine that if such a product becomes successful and commonplace, there would be an immediate demand for a client that translates those paragraphs back into the actual message ("Thank you for reaching out, blah blah, unfortunately, blah blah, small team, blah blah, workload, blah blah" => "no").
- elwell 6y ago
  We should be writing our emails in some programming language I guess
airhead969 6y ago
Doesn't Gmail roughly do the same thing already? Offer AI canned choices. This all seems like automating what secretaries used to do when a boss said: "tell X my plate is full and I'm unable to help them with Y" and then the secretary crafted a diplomatic version of that as a memo.

richardwhiuk 6y ago

Sorry, no I'm not going to request access to read your article. That exceed my hassle hurdle.

greggturkington 6y ago
Filter to politely say "no" to the regiwall for this website in uBlock: www.flowrite.com##.waitlist-pop-up
ISL 6y ago
There was an "X" hidden in the popup dialog.

tyingq 6y ago

How to say no, politely, to the registration wall that pops up halfway into this article: https://outline.com/feLLTL https://outline.com/feLLTL

leokennis 6y ago
For those on iOS, this app works wonders for shitty stuff like this article: https://apps.apple.com/nl/app/unobstruct/id1255281426 https://apps.apple.com/nl/app/unobstruct/id1255281426

blowski 6y ago

My formulaic sentence for this: > I understand you want x, but at the moment I need to y, so I'm going to continue doing y. Is that OK? I don't like using formulas for tricky conversations, but there are times when you just need to cut the conversation without expending any mental energy on it.

IncRnd 6y ago
Just don't ASK the person, "Is that OK?" They gave terrible advice with that formula.

marijnz 6y ago

Meh - why fill clear and concise messages with pretty much meaningless fluff?

blueboo 6y ago
Good question! I wish people asked more often because so few here know the answer. The “fluff” establishes tone. The correct tone builds and reinforces a relationship. In contrast, a “clear and concise” response with no “fluff” is just as likely to be read as aloof or sarcastic. As long as you’re dealing with fellow humans, take care: the niceties matter.
ISL 6y ago
Small talk appears, on the surface, to have limited utility. With deeper study, though, it becomes clear that it is the impedance-matching that smooths the interaction between people. There is a reason that almost everyone who works in deeply-human endeavors engages in it. It respects and acknowledges the humanity of interactions. Just saying, "No." has a very different impact (and efficacy) than, "I respect and acknowledge you and your work, but that course of action simply isn't possible."

airhead969 6y ago

There's another strategy: Be known as the honest-but-could-be-more-tactful jerk-lite who will always give you a clear, no-nonsense answer right away. Spending too much time and effort managing other people's (stereotypically millennial and younger) touchy feelings is a waste of company time. Don't go out of your way to be a jerk, but it's a non-value-add activity to spend hours per day crafting perfect emails to coddle everyone else. It's a business, not a micro-aggression safe-space or a country club. Try to be a family but where denied requested aren't taken personally.

Hackbraten 6y ago
I somewhat disagree. Tone is very difficult to convey in written communication. A perfectly neutral email may come across as rude, or vice versa. Erring on the side of politeness helps avoid such misunderstandings. Spending hours to refine messages is certainly overdoing it. But if you write all your messages with zero safety padding, you’re only hurting your own career needlessly.
- nyx_ 6y ago
  I'm inclined to think that someone who needs hours of time just to write an email in which they don't sound like a big jerk is likely to be a fountain of workplace interpersonal problems. If spending a few seconds to be a little more tactful is difficult for someone, the problem is with them, not the "millennials" that need to be "coddled".

greggturkington 6y ago

This is an ad, most of the user's submissions are for this site. It's also a terrible article. The first example is why saying "sorry I can't" is bad, the last example is literally just "no." It's not a revelation that those could be stated better.

seaman1921 6y ago
Did you even read the article ? The last example is not literally 'no' .. it is a demonstration of how that bullet point 'no' is turned into an email using the app they are advertising. Nothing wrong with that.
- greggturkington 6y ago
  Yes, I cited the beginning and the end of the article, which is hard to do if you haven't read it. > it is a demonstration of how that bullet point 'no' is turned into an email Right, the word "no" is rephrased. Literally just "no." This magical software transforms it "into an effective email."

thih9 6y ago

I think that this is an important question but I feel that the article didn't really dive deep into it and instead focused on selling their product.

LittlePeter 6y ago

I did not like this article. "Thank you for your understanding" before the person has shown their understanding is manipulative. So is "thank you in advance". Also I could not care less that you hope I find someone else to do the job. Don't give me those "I hope this email finds you well" etc. It's disgusting.

xiphias2 6y ago

As an investor managing my own money, saying no is the most important thing. As a person working in a team, that's not the way to go: It totally depends on who do you say no to (cross-team, teammate or manager). If it's your boss/manager, and the task is not that small, it's important to ask the priority compared to other goals, as it probably makes other goals unachiavable. Also the boss has better context on how important it is, so I would never just say no instead of asking for context. If it's from a cross-team and big thing, communicate with your boss and ask if it's important enough to change priorities. If what somebody asks makes sense, do it.