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What helped me was to start with the assumption that the other person is just as intelligent as myself. The worst is when you start making suggestions after li
by yarcob 6y ago
What helped me was to start with the assumption that the other person is just as intelligent as myself.
The worst is when you start making suggestions after listening to two sentences. If you assume that the other person is as intelligent as you are, then something you came up with after two minutes of listening is not useful -- they have probably considered this already.
It's different from your job, because at work you probably are a specialist and it's possible you know the solution after two sentences.
But for the problems we face in everyday life it's not so easy -- there usually are no easy solutions, and most people have a similar amount of experience.
- axaxs 6y agoI like this advice, but the question for me becomes how do you assume every person is as intelligent? No, I don't think I'm exceptional or smarter than everyone...but 15 seconds of scrolling through social media, watching daytime news, or even driving around makes it hard to assume there aren't a ton of idiots out there. So my default has kinda degraded to 'everyone is an idiot until proven otherwise', which is something I'd like not to feel.
- devilduck 6y agoThe easiest way is to not assume you yourself are very intelligent. Once you can do that, it's a lot easier since you are suddenly not "surrounded by idiots." Even the smartest people can get duped by their own hubris. Otherwise, I guess you might as well grab a blanket and settle into a comfy superiority complex.
- yarcob 6y agoPeople aren't idiots just because they sometimes do stupid things. Perfectly intelligent people frequently drive recklessly or post incendiary bullshit on hacker news. I don't think anyone is flawless, so I try not to judge people for a few flaws in their personality.
- altgans 6y ago> The worst is when you start making suggestions after listening to two sentences. If you assume that the other person is as intelligent as you are, then something you came up with after two minutes of listening is not useful -- they have probably considered this already. I disagree. This has nothing to do with intelligence. It is all about connecting different domains of knowledge. You know and have experienced things they haven't. Now you listen to their description of the problem, and transfer it to your domain of knowledge: "Hey, this sounds exactly like an issue my friend Josh had a few weeks ago." This is also why stories of the "king asking the farmer" or "CEO asking the cleaning lady" are so common --- it is all about the point of view. --- Where I agree with you is "listen first, speak later". Don't interrupt until they have finished telling their story.
- loopz 6y agoThe unintelligent part is assuming you got enough context in 2 minutes to start making suggestions. You end up breaking discovery process for the other person. It can help to frame it as questions and curiosity instead.
- sakawa 6y ago> You know and have experienced things they haven't. They also know and have experienced things you haven't. I'd say that listen their description of the problem is the first (and maybe easy) part. But then you don't have to provide your solution, but rather find it together with that person. Treating the other person as intelligent as you helps sharing the problem solving part instead of doing it individually.
- specialist 6y ago> ...the other person is just as intelligent as myself. Similarly, I also recognize that there's a lot of stuff I just don't understand. Square peg, round hole. Not just unknown unknowns. Stuff that I will never truly grasp. So I need to swallow my pride and accept help from people who do get it. Like a never ending treasure hunt adventure game. I just have to keep looking.