I don't want creativity, I want functionality. I want ugly buttons with clear text on them. What I definitely don't want is four almost identical icons with n

I don't want creativity, I want functionality. I want ugly buttons with clear text on them. What I definitely don't want is four almost identical icons with nothing to tell me what any of them do, or swipe gestures that are impossible to discover, or (the worst) swipe gestures that expose icons. And then, the absolute worst of all, the useless "upgrade" that offers zero additional functionality, but changes the location or design of all the icons of an app that you've already learned.