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Flirting is the skill of determining if someone is attracted to you, then indicating your attraction to them and communicating that back and forth in a playful

Flirting is the skill of determining if someone is attracted to you, then indicating your attraction to them and communicating that back and forth in a playful manner. Because of that, of course being attractive is required for flirting. However, that doesn't mean that you must be handsome. There's a lot more to attractiveness than just appearance.

falcolas 6y ago
Appearance, however, forms the first impression that you must struggle to overcome if you’re average or below average. In meat-markets like bars, tinder, and dating sites, few women want, or need, to look much further than your looks. It’s also legitimately dangerous to flirt at work - a place where we might spend enough time with a woman to get past appearances and into personalities - because a single misunderstanding due to poor flirting skills can lose you your job. Obligatory disclaimer that I’m not trying to downplay how much women can be harassed at work, on the street, in the bar, on messaging apps, etc.
- true_religion 6y ago
  It’s a big world, and you must remember that you are the heir to a long lineage of sexual success stories stretching back to the dawn of time. Most people can be attractive to someone somewhere with a mild amount of effort, it’s just that they don’t put in that effort. I’ll also add, that in the modern world it’s difficult to realize what you need to do to be attractive since social mores aren’t so rigid anymore and thus most people develop their own ideas about how to signal interest and disinterest.
  - falcolas 6y ago
    > you must remember that you are the heir to a long lineage of sexual success stories stretching back to the dawn of time. Sexual encounters need not be evenly distributed among attractiveness levels for a species to succeed. One mating pair can, fairly easily, replace in excess of 6-8 non-breeding individuals. More, if you switch from monogamy to polyamory. In a way, evolution relies upon evenly distributed mating not happening.
TheGoldmund 6y ago
>Flirting is the skill of determining if someone is attracted to you, then indicating your attraction to them and communicating that back and forth in a playful manner. You faultily assume mutual interest. One could have perfect emotional intelligence and still end up "incel" if he does not surpass the choosiness "threshold". >However, that doesn't mean that you must be handsome. There's a lot more to attractiveness than just appearance. What's the ratio though? 80% conventional physical attractiveness, 20% situational?
- TheAdamAndChe 6y ago
  I don't faultily assume mutual interest. Mutual interest is required for successful flirting. Part of learning how to flirt is learning how to detect that modicum of interest from another person, or at least picking up on social cues when an attempted flirt gets rejected. To persist with trying to flirt when there's no positive feedback is what drives uncomfortable, "creepy" interactions. > What's the ratio though? It depends on the woman. Some people care a lot about looks, others don't. Just like men.

falcolas 6y ago

Appearance, however, forms the first impression that you must struggle to overcome if you’re average or below average. In meat-markets like bars, tinder, and dating sites, few women want, or need, to look much further than your looks. It’s also legitimately dangerous to flirt at work - a place where we might spend enough time with a woman to get past appearances and into personalities - because a single misunderstanding due to poor flirting skills can lose you your job. Obligatory disclaimer that I’m not trying to downplay how much women can be harassed at work, on the street, in the bar, on messaging apps, etc.

true_religion 6y ago
It’s a big world, and you must remember that you are the heir to a long lineage of sexual success stories stretching back to the dawn of time. Most people can be attractive to someone somewhere with a mild amount of effort, it’s just that they don’t put in that effort. I’ll also add, that in the modern world it’s difficult to realize what you need to do to be attractive since social mores aren’t so rigid anymore and thus most people develop their own ideas about how to signal interest and disinterest.
- falcolas 6y ago
  > you must remember that you are the heir to a long lineage of sexual success stories stretching back to the dawn of time. Sexual encounters need not be evenly distributed among attractiveness levels for a species to succeed. One mating pair can, fairly easily, replace in excess of 6-8 non-breeding individuals. More, if you switch from monogamy to polyamory. In a way, evolution relies upon evenly distributed mating not happening.

TheGoldmund 6y ago

>Flirting is the skill of determining if someone is attracted to you, then indicating your attraction to them and communicating that back and forth in a playful manner. You faultily assume mutual interest. One could have perfect emotional intelligence and still end up "incel" if he does not surpass the choosiness "threshold". >However, that doesn't mean that you must be handsome. There's a lot more to attractiveness than just appearance. What's the ratio though? 80% conventional physical attractiveness, 20% situational?

TheAdamAndChe 6y ago
I don't faultily assume mutual interest. Mutual interest is required for successful flirting. Part of learning how to flirt is learning how to detect that modicum of interest from another person, or at least picking up on social cues when an attempted flirt gets rejected. To persist with trying to flirt when there's no positive feedback is what drives uncomfortable, "creepy" interactions. > What's the ratio though? It depends on the woman. Some people care a lot about looks, others don't. Just like men.