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Not knowing how is secondary to not knowing that you're being flirted with. I've been berated by women years later for not reacting to advances that I was compl

Not knowing how is secondary to not knowing that you're being flirted with. I've been berated by women years later for not reacting to advances that I was completely oblivious to. And was utterly disbelieved. I wonder if it's like color blindness or tone deafness.

cardiffspaceman 6y ago
“Missing cues” at such an early stage is more diplomatic than perceiving them and phrasing some sort of rejection.
- StillBored 6y ago
  There is a male/female difference here. (and this is for the single people). Males, are generally clueless clods, when it comes to picking up subtle feminine flirting. So more than likely they aren't rejecting it, they are simply oblivious. Females, OTOH, think they have a flashing sign over their head, when it reality they are so subtle no one notices. So a suggestion for women, is be more straightforward. Plus, for most women there is about 0 risk of being more overt and escalating outside of the guy overtly rejecting them. Men have to worry about coming on too strong, or again failing to notice subtle signals of disinterest.
  - jfengel 6y ago
    It's why I like online dating. The women there have declared, "I am interested in finding somebody." It's not like making a pass at your coworker, fellow club member, or random person on the street. Men are still pretty cloddy, and there's a lot more to learn. But in general it's a lot safer to go online than to try to discern whether you're misreading "signals". "Being on Tinder" is about the clearest signal you can get. Now just don't mess it up. Hoo, boy, do the men mess it up. I swear I've given serious consideration to opening a consultancy in helping men talk to women online. Not that the women are universally all that great, either, but I cannot tell you how many men I've watched talk themselves out of getting laid.
gizmo 6y ago
Ironically, persistently trying to communicate in a way that the other party doesn't understand is exactly the kind of counterproductive behavior that this article talks about.
fat_pikachu 6y ago
Ah yes, this sense still eludes me. Her: I had a huge crush on you in high school/college and dropped hints all the time. Me: But you told me you had a boyfriend/were a lesbian/hated my guts.
foogazi 6y ago
It’s a software issue not a hardware issue. It’s a learned ability that you have to work on. Similar to overcoming stunted development. Reading the room, flirting, are all part of it. First move is to recognize the problem

cardiffspaceman 6y ago

“Missing cues” at such an early stage is more diplomatic than perceiving them and phrasing some sort of rejection.

StillBored 6y ago
There is a male/female difference here. (and this is for the single people). Males, are generally clueless clods, when it comes to picking up subtle feminine flirting. So more than likely they aren't rejecting it, they are simply oblivious. Females, OTOH, think they have a flashing sign over their head, when it reality they are so subtle no one notices. So a suggestion for women, is be more straightforward. Plus, for most women there is about 0 risk of being more overt and escalating outside of the guy overtly rejecting them. Men have to worry about coming on too strong, or again failing to notice subtle signals of disinterest.
- jfengel 6y ago
  It's why I like online dating. The women there have declared, "I am interested in finding somebody." It's not like making a pass at your coworker, fellow club member, or random person on the street. Men are still pretty cloddy, and there's a lot more to learn. But in general it's a lot safer to go online than to try to discern whether you're misreading "signals". "Being on Tinder" is about the clearest signal you can get. Now just don't mess it up. Hoo, boy, do the men mess it up. I swear I've given serious consideration to opening a consultancy in helping men talk to women online. Not that the women are universally all that great, either, but I cannot tell you how many men I've watched talk themselves out of getting laid.

gizmo 6y ago

Ironically, persistently trying to communicate in a way that the other party doesn't understand is exactly the kind of counterproductive behavior that this article talks about.

fat_pikachu 6y ago

Ah yes, this sense still eludes me. Her: I had a huge crush on you in high school/college and dropped hints all the time. Me: But you told me you had a boyfriend/were a lesbian/hated my guts.

foogazi 6y ago

It’s a software issue not a hardware issue. It’s a learned ability that you have to work on. Similar to overcoming stunted development. Reading the room, flirting, are all part of it. First move is to recognize the problem