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But why insist that she asks directly? If you already understand that's what she wants? As a sibling comment suggests, this seems like a power move.

everdrive 6y ago
By all means, take a different tact in your own marriage. This just works for us.
uglycoyote 6y ago
Yes it is a move of insisting that his wife take more power. I think it is very noble.
- statstutor 6y ago
  The commenter's wife is not a child. She has communicated her wish in a way which is already clearly understood. I don't understand why that is deemed insufficient communication. So, she gets a mild reproach if she makes an indirect ask. I wonder, what reaction does she get whenever she makes a direct ask? (Not necessarily in this situation, but also in other and past experiences in her life)
  - horsawlarway 6y ago
    Can we just agree neither of them are children and they're fine to communicate how they see fit - It's their marriage? You can't boil other folk's relationships down to your preferences, and what you're expressing here feels a lot more like personal projection than anything that OP said.
  - mlyle 6y ago
    Not OP, but: When I notice my wife indirectly advocating for something in a way that I barely pick up on, I try to let her know that it would be appreciated if she'd ask more directly. Why? Because it lightens my cognitive load, and lessens the chances that I'm missing other times that she's expressing a preference. And, besides, she is smart and deserves to be heard, and I know other people (men) are not listening as carefully for these cues as I am. It's also "hilarious" when things go wrong the other way, and I interpret something that's just meant to be a question about preference as a serious ask to do something.
occams_chainsaw 6y ago
In my case, at least, I try to get more direct statements even when I understand the intent, to hopefully reduce misunderstandings in situations where I fail to pick up on the real intent

everdrive 6y ago

By all means, take a different tact in your own marriage. This just works for us.

uglycoyote 6y ago

Yes it is a move of insisting that his wife take more power. I think it is very noble.

statstutor 6y ago
The commenter's wife is not a child. She has communicated her wish in a way which is already clearly understood. I don't understand why that is deemed insufficient communication. So, she gets a mild reproach if she makes an indirect ask. I wonder, what reaction does she get whenever she makes a direct ask? (Not necessarily in this situation, but also in other and past experiences in her life)
- horsawlarway 6y ago
  Can we just agree neither of them are children and they're fine to communicate how they see fit - It's their marriage? You can't boil other folk's relationships down to your preferences, and what you're expressing here feels a lot more like personal projection than anything that OP said.
- mlyle 6y ago
  Not OP, but: When I notice my wife indirectly advocating for something in a way that I barely pick up on, I try to let her know that it would be appreciated if she'd ask more directly. Why? Because it lightens my cognitive load, and lessens the chances that I'm missing other times that she's expressing a preference. And, besides, she is smart and deserves to be heard, and I know other people (men) are not listening as carefully for these cues as I am. It's also "hilarious" when things go wrong the other way, and I interpret something that's just meant to be a question about preference as a serious ask to do something.

occams_chainsaw 6y ago

In my case, at least, I try to get more direct statements even when I understand the intent, to hopefully reduce misunderstandings in situations where I fail to pick up on the real intent