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Another thing to notice here is the author being much more lenient on the woman in the story than the man. The man FAILED, couldn't deliver, while the woman me

Another thing to notice here is the author being much more lenient on the woman in the story than the man. The man FAILED, couldn't deliver, while the woman merely didn't realize, made a misunderstanding. Communication is hard.

narag 6y ago
Also why didn't she follow up with "well, I do" and see what would happen? Is it better to shut up and blame communication style? Is shutting your mouth and getting angry a communication style?
- endisneigh 6y ago
  Sadly, yes.
- 177tcca 6y ago
  Is it flaming if I point out you're probably not American while being one?
  - narag 6y ago
    Spot on, I've never been to that side of the pond, mate :P
- Dirlewanger 6y ago
  >Is shutting your mouth and getting angry a communication style? Women have this done to an exact science.
- mlyle 6y ago
  When the wife believes that you've deliberately declared that no, she can't have coffee, seemingly the only choice available is to escalate to a dispute. A fairly big part of the population, mostly female, are taught to be unassuming and meek-- to indirectly ask, to accept the decisions of others, not rock the boat, etc. If you spend your youth in this mode, it becomes something that's difficult to overcome as an adult.
  - amanaplanacanal 6y ago
    Let’s stop training children this way, shall we? Talk about setting kids up for failure: train them to never actually ask for what they want. And then they can look forward to a lifetime of bad relationships and never earning as much as the people who do ask for what they want.
  - leetcrew 6y ago
    it's entirely possible to be submissive and literal at the same time. compare "I deserve a bigger raise" with "I do appreciate the raise I was given, but in light of my contributions to XYZ this year, I was expecting a little more. could you please consider increasing it?". the second is still an unmistakable request but is deferential and does not imply that the decision maker was wrong.
- jraph 6y ago
  As someone who could probably be categorized as a guesser, I would feel incredibly pushy if I answered "well, I do" in this situation. Askers should take notice. "Would you like to stop for a coffee?" is an entirely different question than "Would you like to stop for a coffee?". I don't see where the confusion is. (/s)
steverb 6y ago
You might be coloring that one with your own perspective. "Failed to realize" and "Didn't see" both parse with the same emotional connotation for me personally.
SamBam 6y ago
This is your own bias. "Failed to see" and "Didn't realize" are both equivalent statements. The author simply didn't want to repeat the same words twice, because they know how to write.

narag 6y ago

Also why didn't she follow up with "well, I do" and see what would happen? Is it better to shut up and blame communication style? Is shutting your mouth and getting angry a communication style?

endisneigh 6y ago
Sadly, yes.
177tcca 6y ago
Is it flaming if I point out you're probably not American while being one?
- narag 6y ago
  Spot on, I've never been to that side of the pond, mate :P
Dirlewanger 6y ago
>Is shutting your mouth and getting angry a communication style? Women have this done to an exact science.
mlyle 6y ago
When the wife believes that you've deliberately declared that no, she can't have coffee, seemingly the only choice available is to escalate to a dispute. A fairly big part of the population, mostly female, are taught to be unassuming and meek-- to indirectly ask, to accept the decisions of others, not rock the boat, etc. If you spend your youth in this mode, it becomes something that's difficult to overcome as an adult.
- amanaplanacanal 6y ago
  Let’s stop training children this way, shall we? Talk about setting kids up for failure: train them to never actually ask for what they want. And then they can look forward to a lifetime of bad relationships and never earning as much as the people who do ask for what they want.
- leetcrew 6y ago
  it's entirely possible to be submissive and literal at the same time. compare "I deserve a bigger raise" with "I do appreciate the raise I was given, but in light of my contributions to XYZ this year, I was expecting a little more. could you please consider increasing it?". the second is still an unmistakable request but is deferential and does not imply that the decision maker was wrong.
jraph 6y ago
As someone who could probably be categorized as a guesser, I would feel incredibly pushy if I answered "well, I do" in this situation. Askers should take notice. "Would you like to stop for a coffee?" is an entirely different question than "Would you like to stop for a coffee?". I don't see where the confusion is. (/s)

steverb 6y ago

You might be coloring that one with your own perspective. "Failed to realize" and "Didn't see" both parse with the same emotional connotation for me personally.

SamBam 6y ago

This is your own bias. "Failed to see" and "Didn't realize" are both equivalent statements. The author simply didn't want to repeat the same words twice, because they know how to write.