5 ms·

I'm not OP but I'm not sexually active either and share the same worries and am probably a few years older than him. Thanks for sharing those videos, even thou

by throwaway198919 6y ago

I'm not OP but I'm not sexually active either and share the same worries and am probably a few years older than him. Thanks for sharing those videos, even though I was able to make that physique/style/life control transformation several times (get fit -> fall into a hole -> get fit again, rinse and repeat) during my 20s, this pandemic made me fall into a rut and I'm heavily struggling to stay on the right track that makes me climb up again. These videos are were another spark of motivation to try again. As for the "not sexually active" situation, I've noticed the feeling of frustration has become more intense and had made me more sad about it lately. As an introvert, the co-workers social circle is usually one of the main ones, but unfortunately I'm working alone because it has many more pros (own schedule -> go to gym when it's deserted, beat traffic, do errands at times where there are less waiting times, etc). Old college friends are starting to get married and be more busy, so I've been seeing them less, so less opportunity to be introduced to new people. I've tried salsa classes before the pandemic but didn't workout for that matter (couples that are very private, people that leave once the class ends, tight groups of friends). I've also tried the Tinder way, and the closest I've ended with a woman from it, she ended up losing interest when the pandemic started. Now I'm seeing someone from Tinder, and even though it will probably stay at friendship I'm taking it. I've been seeing a therapist since a couple years ago after I had my first panic attack, since then I've been using therapy for all my issues. However, even though I've been open about my sexual frustrations, I feel like my therapist ignores it and simply tries to work on my social aspect in general. My therapist is female and I wonder if having a male therapist it would be different, I've been wanting to try but I already invested many sessions with my current therapist.

throway98752343 6y ago
We all have to be extra kind to ourselves (and to each other) during the pandemic. It's an exceptionally unusual, transient time. Still, it is a long time to be socially distanced in various ways from coworkers, lovers, friends, etc. Things will get better soon. And yes, I'd imagine that a more similarly gendered and oriented therapist would find it easier to relate to your concerns. But maybe just being direct with your current therapist would help. There may be a good reason she's redirecting you to more general social aspects, or maybe she's not trained to deal with male sexuality.
- willhinsa 6y ago
  Yes. Tell her directly, "I feel like you ignored my concerns about my sexual life," and see what she says. Beating around the bush in therapy (and in most of your important adult relationships) is almost always a waste of time.
willhinsa 6y ago
> I've been seeing a therapist since a couple years ago after I had my first panic attack, since then I've been using therapy for all my issues. However, even though I've been open about my sexual frustrations, I feel like my therapist ignores it and simply tries to work on my social aspect in general. My therapist is female and I wonder if having a male therapist it would be different, I've been wanting to try but I already invested many sessions with my current therapist. Get a new therapist. At the very least try a few sessions with someone else. Yes, try a male therapist. Your rationalization of "already invested many sessions" is that of the sunk cost fallacy. You should be so confident that you're not wasting your time in therapy that you'd never think to ask internet strangers if you should switch. The worst that could happen is you waste a few hours trying out a new therapist or two. The best that could happen is that you actually find someone who isn't dismissive of a concern that's clearly animating you, about a very important part of human existence.
bongoman37 6y ago
Do change your therapist, women find it very hard to see how frustrating lack of a sex life can be unless they themselves have been in a similar situation and most haven't. When I've complained about lack of sex to female friends, they've often said what's stopping you from installing Tinder, they are really oblivious to how different the experience can be for men and women there. If she's dismissing it, its unlikely to improves. Moreover, personally, one can be really good at social stuff but completely not make headway in sexual stuff, and then you've lost a year and are nowhere near where you would like to be.

throway98752343 6y ago

We all have to be extra kind to ourselves (and to each other) during the pandemic. It's an exceptionally unusual, transient time. Still, it is a long time to be socially distanced in various ways from coworkers, lovers, friends, etc. Things will get better soon. And yes, I'd imagine that a more similarly gendered and oriented therapist would find it easier to relate to your concerns. But maybe just being direct with your current therapist would help. There may be a good reason she's redirecting you to more general social aspects, or maybe she's not trained to deal with male sexuality.

willhinsa 6y ago
Yes. Tell her directly, "I feel like you ignored my concerns about my sexual life," and see what she says. Beating around the bush in therapy (and in most of your important adult relationships) is almost always a waste of time.

willhinsa 6y ago

> I've been seeing a therapist since a couple years ago after I had my first panic attack, since then I've been using therapy for all my issues. However, even though I've been open about my sexual frustrations, I feel like my therapist ignores it and simply tries to work on my social aspect in general. My therapist is female and I wonder if having a male therapist it would be different, I've been wanting to try but I already invested many sessions with my current therapist. Get a new therapist. At the very least try a few sessions with someone else. Yes, try a male therapist. Your rationalization of "already invested many sessions" is that of the sunk cost fallacy. You should be so confident that you're not wasting your time in therapy that you'd never think to ask internet strangers if you should switch. The worst that could happen is you waste a few hours trying out a new therapist or two. The best that could happen is that you actually find someone who isn't dismissive of a concern that's clearly animating you, about a very important part of human existence.

bongoman37 6y ago

Do change your therapist, women find it very hard to see how frustrating lack of a sex life can be unless they themselves have been in a similar situation and most haven't. When I've complained about lack of sex to female friends, they've often said what's stopping you from installing Tinder, they are really oblivious to how different the experience can be for men and women there. If she's dismissing it, its unlikely to improves. Moreover, personally, one can be really good at social stuff but completely not make headway in sexual stuff, and then you've lost a year and are nowhere near where you would like to be.