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> cut out unneeded aggravations Some people? There is a thin line between cutting out people who step onto you, and becoming misanthropic/associal. Since lockd

> cut out unneeded aggravations Some people? There is a thin line between cutting out people who step onto you, and becoming misanthropic/associal. Since lockdowns I went from 60 friends to ~4, because I can’t stand them and I’ve come to realize their politics directly harm me. But now I’m alone. Working on this, but it is a very thin line.

morlockabove 6y ago
You pay the price for your politics.
- DaniloDias 6y ago
  I see you getting downvoted for a profoundly true statement. These are sad times.
- lolinder 6y ago
  I don't know if this person is saying they disagree with their friends on politics or if the vitriol in their friends' political speech is harmful to them. If the latter, I sympathize: most political conversations today are so filled with hate that "direct harm" to listeners is not unreasonable to claim.
  - morlockabove 6y ago
    Most of the time, when someone's said something like "their politics directly harm me", it's something like "the policies implied by the positions this guy's professing (or directly advocated for) would have bad effects for me". Could be wrong, obviously- it's a pretty vague phrase. But I'm sympathetoc- if they hold a certain position, and cultivate a certain identity, and that makes certain other positions disgusting to them to the point they cut out friends- good for them, I guess, and I get that being alone isn't pleasant. But that's the price you pay for being the kind of person who responds that way. I guess presumably he would have gotten new, less offensive friends if the governments of the world hadn't made it illegal. (How'd he end up friends with these people in the first place?)
yowlingcat 6y ago
Well, when it comes to work I think it pays to be a lot more ruthless with cutting out aggravations. But when it comes to friendships, I think the situation is a lot more gray. For me personally, as I've gotten older, I've found that it's rare for me to have close friendships with people who are too politically minded. It's a matter of practicality -- I find myself asking, can this person really hold enough space to tend to our friendship on an ongoing basis, or will it become lopsided and a real downer? On the other side of that -- I've found that I've also begun to gravitate much more to folks who are either expressly apolitical or who otherwise are willing to set aside their politics and focus more on the people around them. Now, it's true that politics isn't just some purely abstract thing -- it's very concrete, and as you say, sometimes folks have politics that directly harm you and then you can't really maintain friendships with them. But beyond that, I've gravitated much more to having close friendships with people who simply care about me, and that's it. Another thing I would say is that 4 friends -- if they're truly good, close friends, who will see you through thick and thin -- is quite a lot. I can count maybe 4-8 close friends who I could rely on to that extent, and I consider myself extremely lucky as many folks rarely find even 1-2. If you do have 4 close friends, perhaps consider the silver lining -- sure, you've pared down your circle of interaction, but that also gives you more energy to invest into the friendships that really matter and which sustain you. My heart goes out to you regardless. That doesn't make this process simple. And having seen a lot of friendships drop in perhaps the same manner you have, I can say (perhaps as you too understand) that it really hurts. It stings. Even if I understand why it happens, and it all logically adds up, it really breaks my hurt. It's okay to feel heartbroken that way. Don't be too hard on yourself. This past year has been extremely hard on everyone. Best of luck.

morlockabove 6y ago

You pay the price for your politics.

DaniloDias 6y ago
I see you getting downvoted for a profoundly true statement. These are sad times.
lolinder 6y ago
I don't know if this person is saying they disagree with their friends on politics or if the vitriol in their friends' political speech is harmful to them. If the latter, I sympathize: most political conversations today are so filled with hate that "direct harm" to listeners is not unreasonable to claim.
- morlockabove 6y ago
  Most of the time, when someone's said something like "their politics directly harm me", it's something like "the policies implied by the positions this guy's professing (or directly advocated for) would have bad effects for me". Could be wrong, obviously- it's a pretty vague phrase. But I'm sympathetoc- if they hold a certain position, and cultivate a certain identity, and that makes certain other positions disgusting to them to the point they cut out friends- good for them, I guess, and I get that being alone isn't pleasant. But that's the price you pay for being the kind of person who responds that way. I guess presumably he would have gotten new, less offensive friends if the governments of the world hadn't made it illegal. (How'd he end up friends with these people in the first place?)

yowlingcat 6y ago

Well, when it comes to work I think it pays to be a lot more ruthless with cutting out aggravations. But when it comes to friendships, I think the situation is a lot more gray. For me personally, as I've gotten older, I've found that it's rare for me to have close friendships with people who are too politically minded. It's a matter of practicality -- I find myself asking, can this person really hold enough space to tend to our friendship on an ongoing basis, or will it become lopsided and a real downer? On the other side of that -- I've found that I've also begun to gravitate much more to folks who are either expressly apolitical or who otherwise are willing to set aside their politics and focus more on the people around them. Now, it's true that politics isn't just some purely abstract thing -- it's very concrete, and as you say, sometimes folks have politics that directly harm you and then you can't really maintain friendships with them. But beyond that, I've gravitated much more to having close friendships with people who simply care about me, and that's it. Another thing I would say is that 4 friends -- if they're truly good, close friends, who will see you through thick and thin -- is quite a lot. I can count maybe 4-8 close friends who I could rely on to that extent, and I consider myself extremely lucky as many folks rarely find even 1-2. If you do have 4 close friends, perhaps consider the silver lining -- sure, you've pared down your circle of interaction, but that also gives you more energy to invest into the friendships that really matter and which sustain you. My heart goes out to you regardless. That doesn't make this process simple. And having seen a lot of friendships drop in perhaps the same manner you have, I can say (perhaps as you too understand) that it really hurts. It stings. Even if I understand why it happens, and it all logically adds up, it really breaks my hurt. It's okay to feel heartbroken that way. Don't be too hard on yourself. This past year has been extremely hard on everyone. Best of luck.