You already made a big step by reaching out here in public on HN and this is very good. Talking to anonymous people on the Internet is very likely not enough,

You already made a big step by reaching out here in public on HN and this is very good. Talking to anonymous people on the Internet is very likely not enough, as you already stated. Again, I think you should talk to a professional and finding such a hotline - wherever you live - hopefully should not be that difficult.