5 ms·
I learned the hard way that using a persons name instead of desired pronoun is a major offense.
by nullserver 6y ago
I learned the hard way that using a persons name instead of desired pronoun is a major offense.
- temp667 6y agoIt is, I do this routinely because I'm constantly meeting people and don't have desired pronounces in front of me.
- petrocrat 6y agoI don't understand... How is referring to someone by their name offensive?
- benjohnson 6y agoThe theory of it being 'bad' is that it's a work around having to use a pronouns that you may object to.
- mjevans 6y agoI object to using pronouns, and many people dislike singular they. I refuse to allow a DDoS on my memory space to recall everyone's preferred form of being addressed; I have a hard enough time remembering names.
- nitrogen 6y agoIt's kind of like we're witnessing the emergence of a new style/honorifics system: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Style_(form_of_address) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Style_(form_of_address)
- nullserver 6y agoMassive fines in New York if you refuse.
- throwaway98797 6y agoI’ve also started to avoid greetings. Just launch into whatever topic. More efficient.
- nullserver 6y agoTried this. It gets obvious quick. Sensitive people are on the lookout for being disrespected
- deleted 6y ago[deleted]
- Spivak 6y agoIt’s not. The parent is leaving out basically all the context so that this kind of thing sounds inherently unreasonable. Bailey: I’m avoiding using someone’s preferred pronouns because I don’t respect their gender identity. Motte: “What so using someone’s name is offensive now?” From what they did say I think it’s reasonably safe to assume that the person they we’re talking about was non-binary, agender, and went by they/them but it really doesn’t matter. A very common experience that trans people face is people unnaturally avoiding the use of their pronouns and either structuring sentences awkwardly or by using their name all the time. The literal act of using someone’s name isn’t offensive but when it’s done because you’re avoiding using their pronouns then it’s rude. And it’s super obvious when people do it which makes everyone feel uncomfortable. Now because trans people deal with this all the time it’s possible that they were more sensitive to it than normal and overreacted but given the parent took offense to being called out and they used dismissive scare quotes to describe the person’s gender identity rather than it being a two second “oh my bad” thing I think suggests not.
- Kerrick 6y agoHere's an example of a fairly natural bit of text referring to somebody who uses he/him: > Kerrick's wife called; he isn't going to make it today because he's sick. We're with him in spirit. Here's an example of unnaturally replacing all pronouns with somebody's name, which reads quite awkwardly: > Kerrick's wife called; Kerrick isn't going to make it today because Kerrick is sick. We're with Kerrick in spirit.
- nullserver 6y agoIt is awkward, no question. But I’m not the one trying to redefine reality.
- Spivak 6y agoI think you’re thinking about this too mechanically. Context and intent matter here. It’s not at all about the literal act. Using someone’s name instead of their pronouns isn’t offensive and vice versa. The thing that’s invalidating [1] is when someone goes out of their way to not use your preferred name or pronouns when that someone would have called you by your name or used your pronouns if you were cis. That kind of thing is noticed by people who are trans and feels supper shitty. So yeah anyone who tries to make a rule saying “you must always use pronouns after using their name in a sentence” or something like that is being ridiculous and also missing the point. [1] I don’t think offended really makes sense in this situation because that’s not really the emotion at play.
- eplanit 6y agoWhy is it (honest question)? And what happened?
- marshmallow_12 6y agoprobably a Judge(?)
- nullserver 6y agoBecause immediately afterwards public shaming follows. Managers pull you aside and give threatening talks.
- icameron 6y agoIt is? Could you elaborate? I don’t know want to learn anything the hard way
- nullserver 6y agoWell I got a public lecture when I referred to some that had “no” gender by their name. Went downhill after that.
- petrocrat 6y agoSince it is not obvious why calling someone by their name would be offensive, did they explain why using their name was offensive?
- nullserver 6y agoBecause I was not using a pronoun.
- bitdizzy 6y agoSo you singled out this person by using a different speech pattern than you would normally use so that you wouldn't have to accommodate a request to use a different set of pronouns in your normal speech while referring to that person?