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Or get a husband that takes care of the kids. The woman will of course have carry the children in her womb, which will be some tough months. But after that the

by Ma8ee 6y ago

Or get a husband that takes care of the kids. The woman will of course have carry the children in her womb, which will be some tough months. But after that the husband can do almost everything. If she feels that it is important to feed the baby breast milk the first months, excellent pumps can be bought. This is a much better option than waiting until it almost is to late. (I’m not talking out of my ass: I’m currently a stay at home dad so my wife can focus on her career. Soon our second kid is a year and will start kindergarten, and I’ll start working 75%).

lainga 6y ago
Do you think people would receive your advice the same way if the sexes were reversed?
- Ma8ee 6y ago
  The situation where the sexes are reversed is the norm. That is what almost all successful career men do: they let the wife take care of the kids.
- damagednoob 6y ago
  No, but that doesn't mean the advice is bad. Two consenting adults should be able to divide up family responsibilities however they see fit.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
johnzim 6y ago
This is great advice. I was in a similar position till we moved to the Bay Area, which flipped the financial calculus. Other than breast-feeding, Dads can do everything that's required and pumping works out great for everyone.
- tobib 6y ago
  > pumping works out great for everyone You might want to ask a few (other) women about that. My partner very much dislikes pumping. Both the physical aspect as well as the emotional/psychological side of it. But I get what you're saying and I agree with the sentiment.
  - Ma8ee 6y ago
    Also important to remember is that breast milk isn’t essential. There are of course many studies that show that breast milk is great in so many ways, but on the other hand, a lot of perfectly healthy adults were fed formula, so maybe it’s nothing anyone should give up their career for.
    - tobib 6y ago
      Maybe I just didn't find the studies but I wish we knew more about the benefits of breastmilk and the act of breastfeeding (e.g. social, hormonal) and the benefits/downsides of formula. I have this subjective feeling about one clearly being better than the other in so many ways but it's nothing rooted in facts. All the information I can find on the internet don't seem trustworthy mainly because it's so difficult to control for the socio-economic realities around who breastfeeds and who feeds formula. Plus I suppose it's difficult to do a blind trial at least when it comes to breastfeeding vs bottle feeding.
- lotsofpulp 6y ago
  >pumping works out great for everyone. Pumping is an enormous pain in the ass compared to breastfeeding. All the moms I know who had to pump wish they never had to pump.
  - Ma8ee 6y ago
    And for some women breastfeeding is a pain (often literally) and pumping at least works.
    - 6y ago
tobib 6y ago
I'm currently working in my home office while my partner is looking after our newborn full time and I'm jealous as hell. I genuinely with I could stay at home longer than just a couple of weeks/a few months and be a full time stay at home parent. Unfortunately it doesn't work for us financially but I wish it did.
setpatchaddress 6y ago
This is a fine thing that can work for some people and not for others: it's really hard to live a decent life on a single (tech!) income in Silicon Valley if you're not already wealthy, and young people may not have enough saved up to take a year off.
scarmig 6y ago
I'd love to be a stay at home dad: I enjoy taking care of and spending time with children, and I like doing household labor. It's not like I'd be bringing nothing financial to the partnership, either: I'd be bringing substantial assets into the partnership, such that my wife wouldn't need to worry about my retirement or even day-to-day expenses. The reality, though, is that most women want someone ambitious (in the very limited, traditional sense of ambition), and aspiring to be a stay at home dad is considered at best neutral and more often a negative or dealbreaker when it comes to forming relationships. This is true even of (or perhaps especially of) career-focused women, despite the fact that their male counterparts are more than happy to date and marry less-ambitious women with the intention of a division of labor conducive to family rearing.

by Ma8ee 6y ago

lainga 6y ago

Do you think people would receive your advice the same way if the sexes were reversed?

Ma8ee 6y ago
The situation where the sexes are reversed is the norm. That is what almost all successful career men do: they let the wife take care of the kids.
damagednoob 6y ago
No, but that doesn't mean the advice is bad. Two consenting adults should be able to divide up family responsibilities however they see fit.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

johnzim 6y ago

This is great advice. I was in a similar position till we moved to the Bay Area, which flipped the financial calculus. Other than breast-feeding, Dads can do everything that's required and pumping works out great for everyone.

tobib 6y ago
> pumping works out great for everyone You might want to ask a few (other) women about that. My partner very much dislikes pumping. Both the physical aspect as well as the emotional/psychological side of it. But I get what you're saying and I agree with the sentiment.
- Ma8ee 6y ago
  Also important to remember is that breast milk isn’t essential. There are of course many studies that show that breast milk is great in so many ways, but on the other hand, a lot of perfectly healthy adults were fed formula, so maybe it’s nothing anyone should give up their career for.
  - tobib 6y ago
    Maybe I just didn't find the studies but I wish we knew more about the benefits of breastmilk and the act of breastfeeding (e.g. social, hormonal) and the benefits/downsides of formula. I have this subjective feeling about one clearly being better than the other in so many ways but it's nothing rooted in facts. All the information I can find on the internet don't seem trustworthy mainly because it's so difficult to control for the socio-economic realities around who breastfeeds and who feeds formula. Plus I suppose it's difficult to do a blind trial at least when it comes to breastfeeding vs bottle feeding.
lotsofpulp 6y ago
>pumping works out great for everyone. Pumping is an enormous pain in the ass compared to breastfeeding. All the moms I know who had to pump wish they never had to pump.
- Ma8ee 6y ago
  And for some women breastfeeding is a pain (often literally) and pumping at least works.
  - 6y ago

tobib 6y ago

I'm currently working in my home office while my partner is looking after our newborn full time and I'm jealous as hell. I genuinely with I could stay at home longer than just a couple of weeks/a few months and be a full time stay at home parent. Unfortunately it doesn't work for us financially but I wish it did.

setpatchaddress 6y ago

This is a fine thing that can work for some people and not for others: it's really hard to live a decent life on a single (tech!) income in Silicon Valley if you're not already wealthy, and young people may not have enough saved up to take a year off.

scarmig 6y ago

I'd love to be a stay at home dad: I enjoy taking care of and spending time with children, and I like doing household labor. It's not like I'd be bringing nothing financial to the partnership, either: I'd be bringing substantial assets into the partnership, such that my wife wouldn't need to worry about my retirement or even day-to-day expenses. The reality, though, is that most women want someone ambitious (in the very limited, traditional sense of ambition), and aspiring to be a stay at home dad is considered at best neutral and more often a negative or dealbreaker when it comes to forming relationships. This is true even of (or perhaps especially of) career-focused women, despite the fact that their male counterparts are more than happy to date and marry less-ambitious women with the intention of a division of labor conducive to family rearing.