4 ms·

Immigration is a tough survival filter for relationships.

filoleg 6y ago
Yep, but it is a very just filter, i think, because it seems to kill off relationships that were already cracked and being held together by just pure will. Had that happen with my parents. We immigrated when I was a teen, and just 4 years later my parents divorced. To people on the outside it seemed completely out of nowhere. But growing up with them, it was painfully obvious (in retrospect) that they kept it all together not by trying to actually solve problems or work things out, but by holding it all together just on pure will. It could've been held forever if everything else was stable, but immigration process and the experience of adapting to a new country is anything but stable. While it sounds bad, I don't think of it as a tragic experience, and I don't wish that it had never happened. I am not happy that it happened either, but it was bound to eventually happen one way or another. Either that or one (or both of them) would just settle with being unhappy and miserable until the last days, being constantly anxious that one day that bridge held by duct tape would collapse.
baybal2 6y ago
It's the other way around. Marriage is a tool for survival in more parts of the world than where it isn't. People around the world have more miseries to care other than marriage. Immigration itself is a filter for education, wit, and wealth, and, sometimes, even physical fittness, and health. By the definition, if both husband, and wife pass that, that's a very rare, lucky marriage. Russia has huge divorce rates, but Russian immigration much lower. Russians marry late back in Russia, but in mid-twenties, and early twenties marriage is commong among people I met. There were probably more women from Russia I knew in technical occupations in the West than all other women in engineering I knew alltogether. Think of it, if you were a woman, and was from the start aiming at studying for long 6 years, having harsh early career, and enduring hardship of living as a recent immigrant, you wouldn't be getting a husband whom you need to pull.

Yep, but it is a very just filter, i think, because it seems to kill off relationships that were already cracked and being held together by just pure will. Had that happen with my parents. We immigrated when I was a teen, and just 4 years later my parents divorced. To people on the outside it seemed completely out of nowhere. But growing up with them, it was painfully obvious (in retrospect) that they kept it all together not by trying to actually solve problems or work things out, but by holding it all together just on pure will. It could've been held forever if everything else was stable, but immigration process and the experience of adapting to a new country is anything but stable. While it sounds bad, I don't think of it as a tragic experience, and I don't wish that it had never happened. I am not happy that it happened either, but it was bound to eventually happen one way or another. Either that or one (or both of them) would just settle with being unhappy and miserable until the last days, being constantly anxious that one day that bridge held by duct tape would collapse.

baybal2 6y ago

It's the other way around. Marriage is a tool for survival in more parts of the world than where it isn't. People around the world have more miseries to care other than marriage. Immigration itself is a filter for education, wit, and wealth, and, sometimes, even physical fittness, and health. By the definition, if both husband, and wife pass that, that's a very rare, lucky marriage. Russia has huge divorce rates, but Russian immigration much lower. Russians marry late back in Russia, but in mid-twenties, and early twenties marriage is commong among people I met. There were probably more women from Russia I knew in technical occupations in the West than all other women in engineering I knew alltogether. Think of it, if you were a woman, and was from the start aiming at studying for long 6 years, having harsh early career, and enduring hardship of living as a recent immigrant, you wouldn't be getting a husband whom you need to pull.