4 ms·

One thing I'm deeply thankful for is that I was engaged coming out of college to the woman of my dreams, and that Tinder didn't really fully catch on until I wa

One thing I'm deeply thankful for is that I was engaged coming out of college to the woman of my dreams, and that Tinder didn't really fully catch on until I was already seriously dating my now-wife. The modern dating market sounds like one of the most depressing aspects of modern adult society.

quacked 6y ago
It is an absolute nightmare and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Modern "dating" is frightening, dehumanizing, demoralizing, ahistorical, amoral, and devoid of meaning.
- durnygbur 6y ago
  How tall are you? [unmatches]
- nickthemagicman 6y ago
  It's literally Capitalism hidden under the guise of dating.
- volkk 6y ago
  honestly it's all extremely subjective. my experience with modern dating (read: endless tinder dates) was mostly positive. of course i had plenty of heartbreaks, a LOT of wasted time. but mostly, i got to meet some really interesting people and create some wonderful connections, even if they were brief. ultimately i met my now girlfriend of 4 years. there were periods i would have 0 matches, and then out of nowhere would get 10 in a day. the algorithm is extremely inconsistent and i would play the game of deleting my account/restarting to get that boost to be on top of people's feeds. ultimately I've found the best combination of pictures that worked pretty consistently/well.
  - AnIdiotOnTheNet 6y ago
    How can you look at a system you had to constantly gamify and say that it was a positive experience?
    - volkk 6y ago
      because i understand it's not perfect, and probably never will be. so i adapted. i think all of the positive experiences that i had outweighed all of the negative. that's all there really is to it for me. it also allowed me to meet my now gf. something i've noticed from people that didn't have much luck on these apps is that they fall into two buckets. unfortunately for some, it's really tough since they might not have the social skills/looks that dating apps really select for which i truthfully have no answer to. hopefully one day someone smart will solve for this. there's a reason that most of /r/tinder (or at least 4 years ago they did) subscribes to the "two steps" aka "1. be attractive 2. don't be unattractive" ... unfortunately that's just how these sites operate. i would argue, however, that's how real life tends to work a large percentage of the time. good news is you can do some really really basic stuff to look better even if you're not "conventionally attractive." I currently work for a major dating app and we are trying to help people from posting pictures that are honestly just really really bad. mirror selfies, blurred pictures, low light ones, in their cars neck up looking at a camera, etc. the other bucket are people who have looks to get matches but don't get any luck because they have little experience interacting in a flirtatious/interesting way and therefore just give up or become extremely jaded/salty and start creating a negative persona which provides even worse results. for this group, which i think i fell into for a period of time, i can say that the only way out is to just play the game and put on a fake smile until you start seeing results. you can moan and groan and complain all you want, and it's your prerogative but don't expect any results if that's the path you want to go down in the dating app world. broken? sure. no ones forcing you to join these apps, but my hypothesis is this: a very not insignificant distribution of the people complaining and having 0 success on the apps probably also fall into the type of person that wouldn't have much success in real life scenarios as well.
      - bradlys 6y ago
        This also varies a lot on market. You're in NYC - not Man Jose.
      - quacked 6y ago
        That's about the farthest explanation from "mostly positive" you can get without admitting to physical pain. It sounds more like you learned how to navigate in an apathetic and disconnected bartering economy. "City life is mostly positive, you just have to make sure never to handle cash where anyone can see you and not go out after 9PM." Furthermore, the fact that you actually work for a dating app will likely make it very difficult to convince you of any of its potential secondary negative effects on what's left of society. I've had similar experiences with discussing the military-industrial complex and economic imperialism with acquaintances of mine working for defense contractors or serving in the armed forces. Overall, we agree on this point: >a very not insignificant distribution of the people complaining and having 0 success on the apps probably also fall into the type of person that wouldn't have much success in real life scenarios as well. The claim I and others on this thread are making is that this subset of people would not have had such a hard time in real life before the advent of social media and dating apps.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]

quacked 6y ago

It is an absolute nightmare and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Modern "dating" is frightening, dehumanizing, demoralizing, ahistorical, amoral, and devoid of meaning.

durnygbur 6y ago
How tall are you? [unmatches]
nickthemagicman 6y ago
It's literally Capitalism hidden under the guise of dating.
volkk 6y ago
honestly it's all extremely subjective. my experience with modern dating (read: endless tinder dates) was mostly positive. of course i had plenty of heartbreaks, a LOT of wasted time. but mostly, i got to meet some really interesting people and create some wonderful connections, even if they were brief. ultimately i met my now girlfriend of 4 years. there were periods i would have 0 matches, and then out of nowhere would get 10 in a day. the algorithm is extremely inconsistent and i would play the game of deleting my account/restarting to get that boost to be on top of people's feeds. ultimately I've found the best combination of pictures that worked pretty consistently/well.
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 6y ago
  How can you look at a system you had to constantly gamify and say that it was a positive experience?
  - volkk 6y ago
    because i understand it's not perfect, and probably never will be. so i adapted. i think all of the positive experiences that i had outweighed all of the negative. that's all there really is to it for me. it also allowed me to meet my now gf. something i've noticed from people that didn't have much luck on these apps is that they fall into two buckets. unfortunately for some, it's really tough since they might not have the social skills/looks that dating apps really select for which i truthfully have no answer to. hopefully one day someone smart will solve for this. there's a reason that most of /r/tinder (or at least 4 years ago they did) subscribes to the "two steps" aka "1. be attractive 2. don't be unattractive" ... unfortunately that's just how these sites operate. i would argue, however, that's how real life tends to work a large percentage of the time. good news is you can do some really really basic stuff to look better even if you're not "conventionally attractive." I currently work for a major dating app and we are trying to help people from posting pictures that are honestly just really really bad. mirror selfies, blurred pictures, low light ones, in their cars neck up looking at a camera, etc. the other bucket are people who have looks to get matches but don't get any luck because they have little experience interacting in a flirtatious/interesting way and therefore just give up or become extremely jaded/salty and start creating a negative persona which provides even worse results. for this group, which i think i fell into for a period of time, i can say that the only way out is to just play the game and put on a fake smile until you start seeing results. you can moan and groan and complain all you want, and it's your prerogative but don't expect any results if that's the path you want to go down in the dating app world. broken? sure. no ones forcing you to join these apps, but my hypothesis is this: a very not insignificant distribution of the people complaining and having 0 success on the apps probably also fall into the type of person that wouldn't have much success in real life scenarios as well.
    - bradlys 6y ago
      This also varies a lot on market. You're in NYC - not Man Jose.
    - quacked 6y ago
      That's about the farthest explanation from "mostly positive" you can get without admitting to physical pain. It sounds more like you learned how to navigate in an apathetic and disconnected bartering economy. "City life is mostly positive, you just have to make sure never to handle cash where anyone can see you and not go out after 9PM." Furthermore, the fact that you actually work for a dating app will likely make it very difficult to convince you of any of its potential secondary negative effects on what's left of society. I've had similar experiences with discussing the military-industrial complex and economic imperialism with acquaintances of mine working for defense contractors or serving in the armed forces. Overall, we agree on this point: >a very not insignificant distribution of the people complaining and having 0 success on the apps probably also fall into the type of person that wouldn't have much success in real life scenarios as well. The claim I and others on this thread are making is that this subset of people would not have had such a hard time in real life before the advent of social media and dating apps.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]