I think you answered your own question. Those `if` constructs are indeed clunky. In fact I'd venture to say it's really just "C-like language Stockholm syndrome

I think you answered your own question. Those `if` constructs are indeed clunky. In fact I'd venture to say it's really just "C-like language Stockholm syndrome" that makes them feel more "maintainable" or "clear". The bash "or" syntax reads very clearly. Do X or do Y. Do X or fail like so. It's very English-like and intuitive. And understanding why it works is just a matter of understanding logical operator short circuiting, which you have to understand to work in C-like languages anyway.