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I appreciate the story and the kind advice, definitely helps to know I'm not alone. Regardless, my hair has been part of my identity and is something I take pri

I appreciate the story and the kind advice, definitely helps to know I'm not alone. Regardless, my hair has been part of my identity and is something I take pride in. When I envision myself in the future with something I no longer have, it can be traumatic because I always assumed my hair wouldn't fall out until maybe my late 20s. Maybe its my excuse but I haven't reached the stage where I need to completely shave it off (diffuse thinning) but I pray and hope that better treatments are available when the time comes. Or maybe i'll get a hair system lol..

mft_ 6y ago
As someone who has also recently moved from vainly trying to maintain a thinning hairstyle to buzz-cutting, I really do get where you're at. > I'm sorry but I completely disagree with the folks that are saying to just shave it off and that the "only person worrying about your hair is you". That is completely untrue, especially in our society today. I think it's partially true, but maybe more true than you're allowing yourself to believe right now. > Being a relatively above-average individual in terms of my looks, losing my hair has definitely made me lose a lot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the drain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies. Read that paragraph you wrote again. What jumps out at me is "losing my hair has definitely made me lose a lot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the drain". So let me offer a couple of hypotheses: 1. You're right that you've lost attention from women, but you're wrong about the reason: maybe a lot of it is down to your loss of confidence, rather than your loss of hair? 2. You're wrong that you've lost attention from women, but you've already decided (in your current psychological situation, lacking confidence) that you will do, and so you're looking for confirmation of this, and are misinterpreting various pieces of data? (Conformation bias can be strong and compelling.) While hair vs. no hair may be a factor in how attractive people are considered, it's only one factor. There are lots of others (not least, confidence, as mentioned, also face, build, height, skin condition, tan, clothing, behaviour, belongings, hobbies, intelligence, humour, conversation... the list is endless) which would explain how people who might lack one obvious aspect (e.g. height, or hair) can still be very successful at attracting the opposite sex.
- hedgehawk 6y ago
  I appreciate your comment and I agree with what you are proposing with your hypotheses. But what caused my loss in confidence? -> my hair loss. I know you're trying to come at this from a "things could be worse" perspective but at 23 years old, losing your hair has been traumatic and is pretty much social suicide lol. Life is unfair and I get that but my hair loss will get to a point where I'm going to have to try 10x as hard in terms of making new relationship, progressing in my career, and just making a good overall impression. Pretty privilege is a thing and I'm about to start experience not having it anymore. And while it is only one factor, it's a big factor when you are 23 years old considering a majority of the men my age have a full head of hair. I credit my obsession over this superficial disease to my perfectionism and the idea that I simply don't want to be the bald guy. I just don't. I'm not ready for it now and I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready for it. I'm done with posting about my hair loss for now because while it feels good to know that I'm alone, it's not going to change the fact that my life is about to get more difficult.
  - mft_ 6y ago
    (No idea whether you'll read this, but...) > I know you're trying to come at this from a "things could be worse" perspective Nope, not really, I get that it matters, and how it matters. I have two related points: 1) It matters, but it definitely doesn't matter to the magnitude that you think it does, right now - it's just one of many factors that matter. Yep, you've lost this one, so rely on your other good areas and if it helps your mindset, find some others to optimise instead. (Like, lose weight, or get ripped, get a better tan, etc.) 2) More importantly, though, your response to losing your hair is self-sabotaging: by taking it so badly, and so obviously losing confidence as a result, you're massively exacerbating the effect. Your response to your hair-loss is what is causing "...pretty much social suicide" - not the hair loss itself. One day, I suspect you'll come through how you're currently feeling (with or without therapy?) and you'll probably have forgotten this exchange, but you'll see I'm right. But given the fickle nature of confidence, I totally get that you can't believe that right now. PS read The Game [0] - not for the PUA nonsense, but for Neil Strauss' account of losing his hair, and how his mentality changed about it over time. -- (Also, as an aside, I really like your concept of 'pretty privilege'. My GF is a lot more attractive, and also a lot more immediately engaging, than me; it's been enlightening to watch how different her experience of the world is, to mine.) [0] https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060554738 https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060554738

mft_ 6y ago

As someone who has also recently moved from vainly trying to maintain a thinning hairstyle to buzz-cutting, I really do get where you're at. > I'm sorry but I completely disagree with the folks that are saying to just shave it off and that the "only person worrying about your hair is you". That is completely untrue, especially in our society today. I think it's partially true, but maybe more true than you're allowing yourself to believe right now. > Being a relatively above-average individual in terms of my looks, losing my hair has definitely made me lose a lot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the drain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies. Read that paragraph you wrote again. What jumps out at me is "losing my hair has definitely made me lose a lot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the drain". So let me offer a couple of hypotheses: 1. You're right that you've lost attention from women, but you're wrong about the reason: maybe a lot of it is down to your loss of confidence, rather than your loss of hair? 2. You're wrong that you've lost attention from women, but you've already decided (in your current psychological situation, lacking confidence) that you will do, and so you're looking for confirmation of this, and are misinterpreting various pieces of data? (Conformation bias can be strong and compelling.) While hair vs. no hair may be a factor in how attractive people are considered, it's only one factor. There are lots of others (not least, confidence, as mentioned, also face, build, height, skin condition, tan, clothing, behaviour, belongings, hobbies, intelligence, humour, conversation... the list is endless) which would explain how people who might lack one obvious aspect (e.g. height, or hair) can still be very successful at attracting the opposite sex.

hedgehawk 6y ago
I appreciate your comment and I agree with what you are proposing with your hypotheses. But what caused my loss in confidence? -> my hair loss. I know you're trying to come at this from a "things could be worse" perspective but at 23 years old, losing your hair has been traumatic and is pretty much social suicide lol. Life is unfair and I get that but my hair loss will get to a point where I'm going to have to try 10x as hard in terms of making new relationship, progressing in my career, and just making a good overall impression. Pretty privilege is a thing and I'm about to start experience not having it anymore. And while it is only one factor, it's a big factor when you are 23 years old considering a majority of the men my age have a full head of hair. I credit my obsession over this superficial disease to my perfectionism and the idea that I simply don't want to be the bald guy. I just don't. I'm not ready for it now and I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready for it. I'm done with posting about my hair loss for now because while it feels good to know that I'm alone, it's not going to change the fact that my life is about to get more difficult.
- mft_ 6y ago
  (No idea whether you'll read this, but...) > I know you're trying to come at this from a "things could be worse" perspective Nope, not really, I get that it matters, and how it matters. I have two related points: 1) It matters, but it definitely doesn't matter to the magnitude that you think it does, right now - it's just one of many factors that matter. Yep, you've lost this one, so rely on your other good areas and if it helps your mindset, find some others to optimise instead. (Like, lose weight, or get ripped, get a better tan, etc.) 2) More importantly, though, your response to losing your hair is self-sabotaging: by taking it so badly, and so obviously losing confidence as a result, you're massively exacerbating the effect. Your response to your hair-loss is what is causing "...pretty much social suicide" - not the hair loss itself. One day, I suspect you'll come through how you're currently feeling (with or without therapy?) and you'll probably have forgotten this exchange, but you'll see I'm right. But given the fickle nature of confidence, I totally get that you can't believe that right now. PS read The Game [0] - not for the PUA nonsense, but for Neil Strauss' account of losing his hair, and how his mentality changed about it over time. -- (Also, as an aside, I really like your concept of 'pretty privilege'. My GF is a lot more attractive, and also a lot more immediately engaging, than me; it's been enlightening to watch how different her experience of the world is, to mine.) [0] https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060554738 https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060554738