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>> Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the strain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies. I'm going t

by jlos 6y ago

>> Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the strain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies. I'm going to suggest your loss of confidence is not an affect but likely the cause. Your emotional strife and lack of confidence will project in your body language. >> chances are you are an outlier if you were dealt a garbage genetic hand like me Do you think your genetics on a single point (hair) determine your overall attractiveness? Are there bald men who can gain attention from women? Have you tried listening to someone like David Goggins (Don't Hurt Me) for a different perspective?

hedgehawk 6y ago
I don't think my loss of confidence is the cause.. I was more than confident (if anything overly confident) before I was losing my hair. I'm not sure if you are also dealing with hair loss but it's hard for me to converse with people who simply aren't going through what I am experiencing. And I'm able to shield my emotional strife and lack of confidence for the time being with hair fibers so it hasn't affected my body language (I know it's not healthy to bottle my bitterness inside). The general consensus of people who try to "fix" my issue is that I need to go to the gym and become Dwayne Johnson lol. It's not that simple. I'm already a gymrat and I would say I have a great wardrobe and style (thanks to my brother). But more to the point, I don't think my hair determines my overall attractiveness. BUT, I do think it plays a big part. There are not many bald 23 year olds that attract women who are also 20-25 years old. That's the hard truth I'm trying to deal with.
- jlos 6y ago
  I started shaving my head this year (though I'm a few years older than you). I've gotten a few thoughtless comments from people too. Just to clarify I didn't say 'just' hit the gym; I said that was the easy part. Doing the internal work to get to the point where you are confident because you feel you are a person who has value to offer to the world around you is challenging. And I guarantee you have more to offer than your hair. And when you know that you have a lot to offer, you'll communicate that to the people around you and its attractive. Lots of guys will say "I have lots to offer" and give a list of good qualities. But how many guys really feel that way? If you are feeling bitter and insecure because your bald, would that maybe indicate you don't really believe you're valuable? I'm not criticizing you for feeling that way, but asking if those feelings are indicative that maybe your view of yourself isn't healthy? Shaving my head this year didn't bother me because I've done a lot of work to deal with the other insecurities that held me back from seeing the value I bring to the world. In fact, shaving has actually made me feel more confident. It's almost like a taunt: I'm so badass I don't even need hair. But again, getting to that place emotionally was a lot harder than going to the gym.
  - andresp 6y ago
    Interesting that you say it is all about confidence and self love but yet you felt the need to shave it off. If it is so relative why didn't you leave it as it is instead of trying to hide the problem with a complete shave? I find that reasoning quite inconsistent and shows that even the people that say are beyond it, are actually still trying to accommodate for minimal damage by matching societal expectations. If it was all about confidence and the other things you had to offer, you really wouldn't care, would you? Nothing wrong with trying to appeal to others, but it is better to be honest about it. "Shave it off so it doesn't look as bad for most people and it doesn't affect your life as much" is a more honest advice than "it is all about confidence and value you give to others". Being real is part of the value you give to others. There are a lot of things worse than losing your hair, but people who worry about it don't necessarily think they provide no value to others, and people who say they don't worry about it sometimes are the ones that worry so much more that they ended up changing their behaviour, routine and appearance (gym, beard, shaving, clothes, personality...) just to cope with the insecurity.
    - hedgehawk 6y ago
      never actually thought about this perspective when shaving it off..
    - jlos 6y ago
      >> Interesting that you say it is all about confidence and self love but yet you felt the need to shave it off. If it is so relative why didn't you leave it as it is instead of trying to hide the problem with a complete shave? Hmm that's a good counter argument! I would say you've misunderstood though. Shaving a head is like getting fitted clothes - it matches the body I have and makes it look as good as possible. I'm not rejecting societal standards en masse or trying to hide something. I reject the idea that having a high view of your own value means you spend less time on grooming. I spend time getting nice clothes, nice colognes, nice hairstyles - generally looking the best I can - because I think it reflects the value I place on myself.
badfaceshape 6y ago
This advice is I am sure meant well. But it is old for people who have done it and are no better. I have a very ugly face. I do not say this from pity, it is this way since I was a child. I am very fit, I dress and groom well, I am sociable and an excellent conversationalist, and I have been told these things by other people. I mention this in a comment above, but I have never been hit on by a woman, not once. The times I try to approach them it is almost never successful. The few times it worked I approached women who I did not find very attractive. I do not blame them, some things are handsome and some ugly. But it is not just "get in shape, dress better, learn to be funny and outgoing."

by jlos 6y ago

hedgehawk 6y ago

I don't think my loss of confidence is the cause.. I was more than confident (if anything overly confident) before I was losing my hair. I'm not sure if you are also dealing with hair loss but it's hard for me to converse with people who simply aren't going through what I am experiencing. And I'm able to shield my emotional strife and lack of confidence for the time being with hair fibers so it hasn't affected my body language (I know it's not healthy to bottle my bitterness inside). The general consensus of people who try to "fix" my issue is that I need to go to the gym and become Dwayne Johnson lol. It's not that simple. I'm already a gymrat and I would say I have a great wardrobe and style (thanks to my brother). But more to the point, I don't think my hair determines my overall attractiveness. BUT, I do think it plays a big part. There are not many bald 23 year olds that attract women who are also 20-25 years old. That's the hard truth I'm trying to deal with.

jlos 6y ago
I started shaving my head this year (though I'm a few years older than you). I've gotten a few thoughtless comments from people too. Just to clarify I didn't say 'just' hit the gym; I said that was the easy part. Doing the internal work to get to the point where you are confident because you feel you are a person who has value to offer to the world around you is challenging. And I guarantee you have more to offer than your hair. And when you know that you have a lot to offer, you'll communicate that to the people around you and its attractive. Lots of guys will say "I have lots to offer" and give a list of good qualities. But how many guys really feel that way? If you are feeling bitter and insecure because your bald, would that maybe indicate you don't really believe you're valuable? I'm not criticizing you for feeling that way, but asking if those feelings are indicative that maybe your view of yourself isn't healthy? Shaving my head this year didn't bother me because I've done a lot of work to deal with the other insecurities that held me back from seeing the value I bring to the world. In fact, shaving has actually made me feel more confident. It's almost like a taunt: I'm so badass I don't even need hair. But again, getting to that place emotionally was a lot harder than going to the gym.
- andresp 6y ago
  Interesting that you say it is all about confidence and self love but yet you felt the need to shave it off. If it is so relative why didn't you leave it as it is instead of trying to hide the problem with a complete shave? I find that reasoning quite inconsistent and shows that even the people that say are beyond it, are actually still trying to accommodate for minimal damage by matching societal expectations. If it was all about confidence and the other things you had to offer, you really wouldn't care, would you? Nothing wrong with trying to appeal to others, but it is better to be honest about it. "Shave it off so it doesn't look as bad for most people and it doesn't affect your life as much" is a more honest advice than "it is all about confidence and value you give to others". Being real is part of the value you give to others. There are a lot of things worse than losing your hair, but people who worry about it don't necessarily think they provide no value to others, and people who say they don't worry about it sometimes are the ones that worry so much more that they ended up changing their behaviour, routine and appearance (gym, beard, shaving, clothes, personality...) just to cope with the insecurity.
  - hedgehawk 6y ago
    never actually thought about this perspective when shaving it off..
  - jlos 6y ago
    >> Interesting that you say it is all about confidence and self love but yet you felt the need to shave it off. If it is so relative why didn't you leave it as it is instead of trying to hide the problem with a complete shave? Hmm that's a good counter argument! I would say you've misunderstood though. Shaving a head is like getting fitted clothes - it matches the body I have and makes it look as good as possible. I'm not rejecting societal standards en masse or trying to hide something. I reject the idea that having a high view of your own value means you spend less time on grooming. I spend time getting nice clothes, nice colognes, nice hairstyles - generally looking the best I can - because I think it reflects the value I place on myself.

badfaceshape 6y ago

This advice is I am sure meant well. But it is old for people who have done it and are no better. I have a very ugly face. I do not say this from pity, it is this way since I was a child. I am very fit, I dress and groom well, I am sociable and an excellent conversationalist, and I have been told these things by other people. I mention this in a comment above, but I have never been hit on by a woman, not once. The times I try to approach them it is almost never successful. The few times it worked I approached women who I did not find very attractive. I do not blame them, some things are handsome and some ugly. But it is not just "get in shape, dress better, learn to be funny and outgoing."