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I'm sorry but I completely disagree with the folks that are saying to just shave it off and that the "only person worrying about your hair is you". That is comp

I'm sorry but I completely disagree with the folks that are saying to just shave it off and that the "only person worrying about your hair is you". That is completely untrue, especially in our society today. I just turned 23 and have been dealing with this issue since I was 20 years old. It's an absolute nightmare. Even on hair-loss medications, there is no maintaining. Being a relatively above-average individual in terms of my looks, losing my hair has definitely made me lose alot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the strain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies. Many of you will reply with seeing a therapist or getting help but you need to understand that most people in their early 20s have a full head of hair. I am honestly not trying to be pessimistic but chances are you are an outlier if you were dealt a garbage genetic hand like me. I also understand that it's not like I have this debilitating disease but this should be considered a more serious issue that should be getting more funding.

voisin 6y ago
I have Alopecia Areata. It meant I had bald spots (pure bald - not just thin) of varying (and ever changing!) size from around 4 years old. I know how you are feeling first hand from the hell I survived at the hands of other children when I was young and the awkwardness of teenage dating with bald spots. It took me a long time to work up the courage to shave it all off - I did so at 19. I have no idea why it took so long. But I can tell you that it was the defining moment in my life. It’s been nearly two decades since I shaved my head and I’ve had numerous successful businesses, made a shit ton of money and retired in my 30s with a wife who is a 12/10 that draws more looks from other men than I care for. Hair doesn’t have to define you. It can and will if you let it. Or you can tell it to go fuck itself and shave you head and never think about it again. People are drawn to confidence. Eliminate things that are destroying your confidence. Confidence comes from self love. At the end of the day, if it isn’t hair it is something else - every single person is struggling with something they don’t love about their bodies. Hair is relatively easy to overcome. Good luck!
- hedgehawk 6y ago
  I appreciate the story and the kind advice, definitely helps to know I'm not alone. Regardless, my hair has been part of my identity and is something I take pride in. When I envision myself in the future with something I no longer have, it can be traumatic because I always assumed my hair wouldn't fall out until maybe my late 20s. Maybe its my excuse but I haven't reached the stage where I need to completely shave it off (diffuse thinning) but I pray and hope that better treatments are available when the time comes. Or maybe i'll get a hair system lol..
  - mft_ 6y ago
    As someone who has also recently moved from vainly trying to maintain a thinning hairstyle to buzz-cutting, I really do get where you're at. > I'm sorry but I completely disagree with the folks that are saying to just shave it off and that the "only person worrying about your hair is you". That is completely untrue, especially in our society today. I think it's partially true, but maybe more true than you're allowing yourself to believe right now. > Being a relatively above-average individual in terms of my looks, losing my hair has definitely made me lose a lot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the drain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies. Read that paragraph you wrote again. What jumps out at me is "losing my hair has definitely made me lose a lot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the drain". So let me offer a couple of hypotheses: 1. You're right that you've lost attention from women, but you're wrong about the reason: maybe a lot of it is down to your loss of confidence, rather than your loss of hair? 2. You're wrong that you've lost attention from women, but you've already decided (in your current psychological situation, lacking confidence) that you will do, and so you're looking for confirmation of this, and are misinterpreting various pieces of data? (Conformation bias can be strong and compelling.) While hair vs. no hair may be a factor in how attractive people are considered, it's only one factor. There are lots of others (not least, confidence, as mentioned, also face, build, height, skin condition, tan, clothing, behaviour, belongings, hobbies, intelligence, humour, conversation... the list is endless) which would explain how people who might lack one obvious aspect (e.g. height, or hair) can still be very successful at attracting the opposite sex.
jlos 6y ago
>> Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the strain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies. I'm going to suggest your loss of confidence is not an affect but likely the cause. Your emotional strife and lack of confidence will project in your body language. >> chances are you are an outlier if you were dealt a garbage genetic hand like me Do you think your genetics on a single point (hair) determine your overall attractiveness? Are there bald men who can gain attention from women? Have you tried listening to someone like David Goggins (Don't Hurt Me) for a different perspective?
- hedgehawk 6y ago
  I don't think my loss of confidence is the cause.. I was more than confident (if anything overly confident) before I was losing my hair. I'm not sure if you are also dealing with hair loss but it's hard for me to converse with people who simply aren't going through what I am experiencing. And I'm able to shield my emotional strife and lack of confidence for the time being with hair fibers so it hasn't affected my body language (I know it's not healthy to bottle my bitterness inside). The general consensus of people who try to "fix" my issue is that I need to go to the gym and become Dwayne Johnson lol. It's not that simple. I'm already a gymrat and I would say I have a great wardrobe and style (thanks to my brother). But more to the point, I don't think my hair determines my overall attractiveness. BUT, I do think it plays a big part. There are not many bald 23 year olds that attract women who are also 20-25 years old. That's the hard truth I'm trying to deal with.
  - jlos 6y ago
    I started shaving my head this year (though I'm a few years older than you). I've gotten a few thoughtless comments from people too. Just to clarify I didn't say 'just' hit the gym; I said that was the easy part. Doing the internal work to get to the point where you are confident because you feel you are a person who has value to offer to the world around you is challenging. And I guarantee you have more to offer than your hair. And when you know that you have a lot to offer, you'll communicate that to the people around you and its attractive. Lots of guys will say "I have lots to offer" and give a list of good qualities. But how many guys really feel that way? If you are feeling bitter and insecure because your bald, would that maybe indicate you don't really believe you're valuable? I'm not criticizing you for feeling that way, but asking if those feelings are indicative that maybe your view of yourself isn't healthy? Shaving my head this year didn't bother me because I've done a lot of work to deal with the other insecurities that held me back from seeing the value I bring to the world. In fact, shaving has actually made me feel more confident. It's almost like a taunt: I'm so badass I don't even need hair. But again, getting to that place emotionally was a lot harder than going to the gym.
fossuser 6y ago
The short and true answer is that it sucks, but it gets better as you get older. I ended up going shaved head at 25, late twenties were better than early twenties (also I think that's just generally true for men and dating). The other bit I found is that the decision to shave it and accept it lead to an increase in overall confidence which also helped.
johnfn 6y ago
Just want to chime in that when I was 23 I got no attention from women (mostly on dating apps). Now I'm 30 and the attention I get has skyrocketed. I'm losing hair too - I've got the Bernie Sanders look going haha - so I think that there's a strong age component in there. Just wanted to throw that out there because I was seriously dejected a few years ago over this, but things have gotten better and better as I've gotten older.
- fossuser 6y ago
  Yeah I think this is a general truth (and it’s the inverse for women, where it starts easy and gets a little harder). Early twenties dating for men is hard, particularly in a skewed place like the bay area. If I had to guess it’d be about status (young men are pretty low status) and age preferences. If women generally prefer someone a couple years older, the ones that might be interested in you are in college when you’re 22 so are not really in the same dating market.
  - hedgehawk 6y ago
    Yeah, I mean I just graduated and I went to school in the bay area. Dating was much more difficult for me during my senior year but maybe I just need to go for older women now lol.
    - fossuser 6y ago
      I guess I wouldn’t stress too much about it. It gets better.
- hedgehawk 6y ago
  I appreciate your story but you're pretty much telling me that my dating life is going to suck for a couple of more years but it'll eventually get better, lol. But I do understand where you are coming from. I'm hoping better treatments come out soon..
  - johnfn 6y ago
sxv 6y ago
> Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the strain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies. I'd bet the attention from women issue is likely stemming from the confidence loss more than the hair loss. A bit of a chicken and egg problem but if you can somehow hijack your confidence level I think you'll see that's where the true power lies. Personal recommendation: give up on salvaging it. Own it.
- fishmaster 6y ago
  Definitely false, I noticed the same thing. It's the hair for most women. Most of my female friends confirmed, sadly.

voisin 6y ago

I have Alopecia Areata. It meant I had bald spots (pure bald - not just thin) of varying (and ever changing!) size from around 4 years old. I know how you are feeling first hand from the hell I survived at the hands of other children when I was young and the awkwardness of teenage dating with bald spots. It took me a long time to work up the courage to shave it all off - I did so at 19. I have no idea why it took so long. But I can tell you that it was the defining moment in my life. It’s been nearly two decades since I shaved my head and I’ve had numerous successful businesses, made a shit ton of money and retired in my 30s with a wife who is a 12/10 that draws more looks from other men than I care for. Hair doesn’t have to define you. It can and will if you let it. Or you can tell it to go fuck itself and shave you head and never think about it again. People are drawn to confidence. Eliminate things that are destroying your confidence. Confidence comes from self love. At the end of the day, if it isn’t hair it is something else - every single person is struggling with something they don’t love about their bodies. Hair is relatively easy to overcome. Good luck!

hedgehawk 6y ago
I appreciate the story and the kind advice, definitely helps to know I'm not alone. Regardless, my hair has been part of my identity and is something I take pride in. When I envision myself in the future with something I no longer have, it can be traumatic because I always assumed my hair wouldn't fall out until maybe my late 20s. Maybe its my excuse but I haven't reached the stage where I need to completely shave it off (diffuse thinning) but I pray and hope that better treatments are available when the time comes. Or maybe i'll get a hair system lol..
- mft_ 6y ago
  As someone who has also recently moved from vainly trying to maintain a thinning hairstyle to buzz-cutting, I really do get where you're at. > I'm sorry but I completely disagree with the folks that are saying to just shave it off and that the "only person worrying about your hair is you". That is completely untrue, especially in our society today. I think it's partially true, but maybe more true than you're allowing yourself to believe right now. > Being a relatively above-average individual in terms of my looks, losing my hair has definitely made me lose a lot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the drain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies. Read that paragraph you wrote again. What jumps out at me is "losing my hair has definitely made me lose a lot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the drain". So let me offer a couple of hypotheses: 1. You're right that you've lost attention from women, but you're wrong about the reason: maybe a lot of it is down to your loss of confidence, rather than your loss of hair? 2. You're wrong that you've lost attention from women, but you've already decided (in your current psychological situation, lacking confidence) that you will do, and so you're looking for confirmation of this, and are misinterpreting various pieces of data? (Conformation bias can be strong and compelling.) While hair vs. no hair may be a factor in how attractive people are considered, it's only one factor. There are lots of others (not least, confidence, as mentioned, also face, build, height, skin condition, tan, clothing, behaviour, belongings, hobbies, intelligence, humour, conversation... the list is endless) which would explain how people who might lack one obvious aspect (e.g. height, or hair) can still be very successful at attracting the opposite sex.

jlos 6y ago

>> Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the strain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies. I'm going to suggest your loss of confidence is not an affect but likely the cause. Your emotional strife and lack of confidence will project in your body language. >> chances are you are an outlier if you were dealt a garbage genetic hand like me Do you think your genetics on a single point (hair) determine your overall attractiveness? Are there bald men who can gain attention from women? Have you tried listening to someone like David Goggins (Don't Hurt Me) for a different perspective?

hedgehawk 6y ago
I don't think my loss of confidence is the cause.. I was more than confident (if anything overly confident) before I was losing my hair. I'm not sure if you are also dealing with hair loss but it's hard for me to converse with people who simply aren't going through what I am experiencing. And I'm able to shield my emotional strife and lack of confidence for the time being with hair fibers so it hasn't affected my body language (I know it's not healthy to bottle my bitterness inside). The general consensus of people who try to "fix" my issue is that I need to go to the gym and become Dwayne Johnson lol. It's not that simple. I'm already a gymrat and I would say I have a great wardrobe and style (thanks to my brother). But more to the point, I don't think my hair determines my overall attractiveness. BUT, I do think it plays a big part. There are not many bald 23 year olds that attract women who are also 20-25 years old. That's the hard truth I'm trying to deal with.
- jlos 6y ago
  I started shaving my head this year (though I'm a few years older than you). I've gotten a few thoughtless comments from people too. Just to clarify I didn't say 'just' hit the gym; I said that was the easy part. Doing the internal work to get to the point where you are confident because you feel you are a person who has value to offer to the world around you is challenging. And I guarantee you have more to offer than your hair. And when you know that you have a lot to offer, you'll communicate that to the people around you and its attractive. Lots of guys will say "I have lots to offer" and give a list of good qualities. But how many guys really feel that way? If you are feeling bitter and insecure because your bald, would that maybe indicate you don't really believe you're valuable? I'm not criticizing you for feeling that way, but asking if those feelings are indicative that maybe your view of yourself isn't healthy? Shaving my head this year didn't bother me because I've done a lot of work to deal with the other insecurities that held me back from seeing the value I bring to the world. In fact, shaving has actually made me feel more confident. It's almost like a taunt: I'm so badass I don't even need hair. But again, getting to that place emotionally was a lot harder than going to the gym.

fossuser 6y ago

The short and true answer is that it sucks, but it gets better as you get older. I ended up going shaved head at 25, late twenties were better than early twenties (also I think that's just generally true for men and dating). The other bit I found is that the decision to shave it and accept it lead to an increase in overall confidence which also helped.

johnfn 6y ago

Just want to chime in that when I was 23 I got no attention from women (mostly on dating apps). Now I'm 30 and the attention I get has skyrocketed. I'm losing hair too - I've got the Bernie Sanders look going haha - so I think that there's a strong age component in there. Just wanted to throw that out there because I was seriously dejected a few years ago over this, but things have gotten better and better as I've gotten older.

fossuser 6y ago
Yeah I think this is a general truth (and it’s the inverse for women, where it starts easy and gets a little harder). Early twenties dating for men is hard, particularly in a skewed place like the bay area. If I had to guess it’d be about status (young men are pretty low status) and age preferences. If women generally prefer someone a couple years older, the ones that might be interested in you are in college when you’re 22 so are not really in the same dating market.
- hedgehawk 6y ago
  Yeah, I mean I just graduated and I went to school in the bay area. Dating was much more difficult for me during my senior year but maybe I just need to go for older women now lol.
  - fossuser 6y ago
    I guess I wouldn’t stress too much about it. It gets better.
hedgehawk 6y ago
I appreciate your story but you're pretty much telling me that my dating life is going to suck for a couple of more years but it'll eventually get better, lol. But I do understand where you are coming from. I'm hoping better treatments come out soon..
- johnfn 6y ago

sxv 6y ago

> Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the strain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies. I'd bet the attention from women issue is likely stemming from the confidence loss more than the hair loss. A bit of a chicken and egg problem but if you can somehow hijack your confidence level I think you'll see that's where the true power lies. Personal recommendation: give up on salvaging it. Own it.

fishmaster 6y ago
Definitely false, I noticed the same thing. It's the hair for most women. Most of my female friends confirmed, sadly.