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It gets beaten out of you and the easiest response is to just give up and wait it out. “You don’t want to do this anymore? You need this for college, you shoul

It gets beaten out of you and the easiest response is to just give up and wait it out. “You don’t want to do this anymore? You need this for college, you shouldn’t quit everything you do, I wish I could have done this” etc. Eventually it’s just easier to passively suffer whatever activity you dislike and just recognize the starting cost to trying new things is extreme. > “ I try to tell them their old enough (most are teenagers) that they should start deciding for themselves what activities they participate in.” I’d start with asking them about what their parents are like.

meowster 6y ago
I know what they're parents are like during meetings and campouts. I have to manage them as much as I manage the boys. Some of them try to helicopter during meetings. There was one Scout that I've only seen smile when his dad wasn't around. They don't seem to like the idea that Scouts is supposed to be youth-run/led and that it's okay to fail as long as they learn from it and improve. The parents just don't want them to fail or be uncomfortable at all (it's not always dry and warm outside).
- fossuser 6y ago
  Cool - sounds like you have the context. I just remember adults yelling at me as a kid for things like this. “You should take responsibility.” Etc. At the time I didn’t know what to do. I wish I had just said, “I have no control over my life”. I think other adults can sometimes be clueless about what a kid’s family life is like.
  - deleted 6y ago
    [deleted]
leetcrew 6y ago
it can be sort of futile. as a kid, you can argue, resist, or break the rules, but until you can support yourself financially, your parents get the final say on most important matters. reminds me of my first meeting with my advisor at college to pick courses for freshman year. I came in with a few ideas for courses/majors that my dad thought were practical. my advisor picked up on this almost immediately and asked "okay, but what are you interested in?". we had a nice talk, but at the end I went back to picking from the list my dad approved of. my advisor was disappointed and insisted that I needed to chart my own path through college. my response: "yeah, but I need my dad to write the check".
- fossuser 6y ago
  Yeah, I think some people are clueless to this context. Even in more direct ways. I remember getting yelled at in middle school because I would show up late to early morning jazz band practices I had to be driven to. I was ready to go 40min before we had to be there. I can't make my mom get me there on time. I think adults forget kids are not independent.
- bluGill 6y ago
  There is truth to both. The problem with charting your own course as a kid is you often don't really know what is worth doing. "Underwater basket weaving" might be interesting, but it won't prepare you for any future. There are a lot of good choices though, you don't have to be a doctor just because your dad wants you to. And your dad might still be under the illusion that lawyer is a great paying job, when for the most part it isn't anymore (or maybe I'm wrong and it will go back to that? your guess is as good as mine).
  - fossuser 6y ago
    I think there's a difference between a parent saying, "You should consider the economic ROI of what you choose to study, the risk of success/failure, and what life it could lead to" vs. "be a lawyer". If your kid really wants to act then they can go to LA and learn what the best way to do that is. I think parents bias to being risk-adverse in advice for their kids because they only experience the downside risk and little of the upside from potentially riskier paths. I think a good parent would communicate some of this, but that's not a skill everyone has. A lot parents just don't know that much and are over confident (like most people) even if their intentions for their kid are good. Others leverage their power over their kids to force them into certain paths which isn't great either.
    - paulryanrogers 6y ago
      Downside risk being having to support adult children who can't support themselves?

meowster 6y ago

I know what they're parents are like during meetings and campouts. I have to manage them as much as I manage the boys. Some of them try to helicopter during meetings. There was one Scout that I've only seen smile when his dad wasn't around. They don't seem to like the idea that Scouts is supposed to be youth-run/led and that it's okay to fail as long as they learn from it and improve. The parents just don't want them to fail or be uncomfortable at all (it's not always dry and warm outside).

fossuser 6y ago
Cool - sounds like you have the context. I just remember adults yelling at me as a kid for things like this. “You should take responsibility.” Etc. At the time I didn’t know what to do. I wish I had just said, “I have no control over my life”. I think other adults can sometimes be clueless about what a kid’s family life is like.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]

leetcrew 6y ago

it can be sort of futile. as a kid, you can argue, resist, or break the rules, but until you can support yourself financially, your parents get the final say on most important matters. reminds me of my first meeting with my advisor at college to pick courses for freshman year. I came in with a few ideas for courses/majors that my dad thought were practical. my advisor picked up on this almost immediately and asked "okay, but what are you interested in?". we had a nice talk, but at the end I went back to picking from the list my dad approved of. my advisor was disappointed and insisted that I needed to chart my own path through college. my response: "yeah, but I need my dad to write the check".

fossuser 6y ago
Yeah, I think some people are clueless to this context. Even in more direct ways. I remember getting yelled at in middle school because I would show up late to early morning jazz band practices I had to be driven to. I was ready to go 40min before we had to be there. I can't make my mom get me there on time. I think adults forget kids are not independent.
bluGill 6y ago
There is truth to both. The problem with charting your own course as a kid is you often don't really know what is worth doing. "Underwater basket weaving" might be interesting, but it won't prepare you for any future. There are a lot of good choices though, you don't have to be a doctor just because your dad wants you to. And your dad might still be under the illusion that lawyer is a great paying job, when for the most part it isn't anymore (or maybe I'm wrong and it will go back to that? your guess is as good as mine).
- fossuser 6y ago
  I think there's a difference between a parent saying, "You should consider the economic ROI of what you choose to study, the risk of success/failure, and what life it could lead to" vs. "be a lawyer". If your kid really wants to act then they can go to LA and learn what the best way to do that is. I think parents bias to being risk-adverse in advice for their kids because they only experience the downside risk and little of the upside from potentially riskier paths. I think a good parent would communicate some of this, but that's not a skill everyone has. A lot parents just don't know that much and are over confident (like most people) even if their intentions for their kid are good. Others leverage their power over their kids to force them into certain paths which isn't great either.
  - paulryanrogers 6y ago
    Downside risk being having to support adult children who can't support themselves?