4 ms·

Its less prevalent in Asia than it used to be. I got hit as a kid. It wasnt a big deal. But we dont as a rule, discipline our own son in the same way.

christiansakai 6y ago
I got hit a lot as well. It wasn't a big deal. My brother got hit a lot as well. I grew up antisocial and my brother grew up super social. It is not the hit, it is the words. Parents manipulate their children using words, and that's worse in my eyes.
- benjohnson 6y ago
  Agreed - my dad spanked me, but my mother spoke her contempt for me with words. The bruises healed much more quickly than the emotional scaring.
  - christiansakai 6y ago
    damn, this hits too close too home. I'm still so messed up after all those words. and I am 34 now. I forgot completely about the bruising as it never existed, but those words haunt me forever.
    - benjohnson 6y ago
      I know this is not the forum for it, but here's what helped for me: 1) Write every horrible event down in excruciating detail. For me that gave my mind the permission to forget/heal/move-in. 2) Explore the possibility that the abuser was abused themselves and that while that is not an excuse, it does make it more comprehensible. If you do find the a chain of abuse, then recognize that you have the wonderful opertunity to break the chain. It won't be easy. 3) Recognize the problem of over compensating - I was abused, but I over-compensated by smothering my children with love. I needed to give them a bit of space. 4) Talk about it to people that love you. A hug is nice. For me, I internalized the abuse and thought that I was unlovable. I am weird, but people do love me - that's a surprise. Good luck with your healing!
      - christiansakai 6y ago
        Thank you for the recommendations, I think no matter how much I tried inner healing it just never works. It worked for a while but then it erupted again, as soon as, say my parents do something that I think is wrong, my anger erupted. I definitely have traumas. I don't have kids yet, but I think there's a chance I will continue this chain of abuse, though I will do my best not to. Yeah, I talk to my wife, that's all. She's too nice, her family comes from a good background, I don't want to burden her by telling my family's story.

christiansakai 6y ago

I got hit a lot as well. It wasn't a big deal. My brother got hit a lot as well. I grew up antisocial and my brother grew up super social. It is not the hit, it is the words. Parents manipulate their children using words, and that's worse in my eyes.

benjohnson 6y ago
Agreed - my dad spanked me, but my mother spoke her contempt for me with words. The bruises healed much more quickly than the emotional scaring.
- christiansakai 6y ago
  damn, this hits too close too home. I'm still so messed up after all those words. and I am 34 now. I forgot completely about the bruising as it never existed, but those words haunt me forever.
  - benjohnson 6y ago
    I know this is not the forum for it, but here's what helped for me: 1) Write every horrible event down in excruciating detail. For me that gave my mind the permission to forget/heal/move-in. 2) Explore the possibility that the abuser was abused themselves and that while that is not an excuse, it does make it more comprehensible. If you do find the a chain of abuse, then recognize that you have the wonderful opertunity to break the chain. It won't be easy. 3) Recognize the problem of over compensating - I was abused, but I over-compensated by smothering my children with love. I needed to give them a bit of space. 4) Talk about it to people that love you. A hug is nice. For me, I internalized the abuse and thought that I was unlovable. I am weird, but people do love me - that's a surprise. Good luck with your healing!
    - christiansakai 6y ago
      Thank you for the recommendations, I think no matter how much I tried inner healing it just never works. It worked for a while but then it erupted again, as soon as, say my parents do something that I think is wrong, my anger erupted. I definitely have traumas. I don't have kids yet, but I think there's a chance I will continue this chain of abuse, though I will do my best not to. Yeah, I talk to my wife, that's all. She's too nice, her family comes from a good background, I don't want to burden her by telling my family's story.