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> I said that it needs to communicate the right information to both of you, not just to you and not just to them. Right, but you see how it took multiple back

> I said that it needs to communicate the right information to both of you, not just to you and not just to them. Right, but you see how it took multiple back and forwards to even clarify what you wanted to achieve? The same goes with your original comment. > "I find this variable name confusing. Can we change it to something more like X?" You don't clarify why it's confusing, so I don't know your interpretation of what the variable represents. I need to first understand as to why you find this confusing, and how your new proposed naming will help to clarify. > It sounds like you think you're likely to feel defensive about having created confusion for someone. Maybe focus less on defending and more on achieving clarity. I do not, and it's pretty bad practice to assume this of people. This comes back to the whole nitpicking, to me it sounds like you were nitpicking on the naming. You didn't clarify your stance, or what caused you confusion. And leave it up to me to reach out to you to clarify this. This could've been communicated in your first PR comment, so that we didn't have to go through this dance.

BugsJustFindMe 6y ago
> Right, but you see how it took multiple back and forwards to even clarify what you wanted to achieve? Luckily we're in this together having a conversation with an interest in achieving mutual clarity. > I need to first That's ok! You should feel comfortable expressing your needs. That's the nature of discourse. I guess if I were to turn your argument back around on you I would say "you could have expressed your need from the start." But nobody but me is inside my head and nobody but you is inside your head, and neither of us knows what the other needs until we tell the other. So we do our best to get there eventually. I tell you that your chosen name doesn't make sense to me and propose an alternative that does. Maybe you say "ok, that works for me too", or maybe you say "that doesn't work for me but if you tell me more about the problem maybe there's another alternative." That's how teamwork goes. But if my alternative suggestion _does_ also communicate to the other person but they demand that I convince them anyway because they want to be "right", well, then that person is just being hostile and defensive, which makes being on a team more difficult.
- woutr_be 6y ago
  > I tell you I need a different name. You tell me that knowing why will help you come up with solutions. That's how teamwork goes. I totally agree with that. And if this was happening quite often, I would somehow propose a better process for these kind of naming changes. Communication is always key, especially when it comes to written text. > I guess if I were to turn your argument back around on you I would say "you could have expressed your need from the start." That's kind of my point, if you had clarified your stance in your original comment, then we wouldn't have to go through this and instead could've focused on coming up with an appropriate name. In that sense I can agree with the OP on why this could be considered nitpicking.

BugsJustFindMe 6y ago

> Right, but you see how it took multiple back and forwards to even clarify what you wanted to achieve? Luckily we're in this together having a conversation with an interest in achieving mutual clarity. > I need to first That's ok! You should feel comfortable expressing your needs. That's the nature of discourse. I guess if I were to turn your argument back around on you I would say "you could have expressed your need from the start." But nobody but me is inside my head and nobody but you is inside your head, and neither of us knows what the other needs until we tell the other. So we do our best to get there eventually. I tell you that your chosen name doesn't make sense to me and propose an alternative that does. Maybe you say "ok, that works for me too", or maybe you say "that doesn't work for me but if you tell me more about the problem maybe there's another alternative." That's how teamwork goes. But if my alternative suggestion _does_ also communicate to the other person but they demand that I convince them anyway because they want to be "right", well, then that person is just being hostile and defensive, which makes being on a team more difficult.

woutr_be 6y ago
> I tell you I need a different name. You tell me that knowing why will help you come up with solutions. That's how teamwork goes. I totally agree with that. And if this was happening quite often, I would somehow propose a better process for these kind of naming changes. Communication is always key, especially when it comes to written text. > I guess if I were to turn your argument back around on you I would say "you could have expressed your need from the start." That's kind of my point, if you had clarified your stance in your original comment, then we wouldn't have to go through this and instead could've focused on coming up with an appropriate name. In that sense I can agree with the OP on why this could be considered nitpicking.